I can elicit a thought even though I don't elicit all thoughts?

[andrew96]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
my understanding is that my sense of self is a twisting together of various thoughts, feelings, senses etc into a concept that i am an individual who can interact with another individual. however, as you observe these various components that _seem_ to be wrapping themselves around something concrete you find that there is nothing holding it togethr

What are you looking for at LU?
I feel i intellectually understand this. i look behind thoughts etc and i do not see a concrete self. i see black, nothing, space. yet my day to day experience ie still defintiely from the perspective of a 'self'. i feel it is still an I that illicits thoughts, desires, chooses what to eat for lunch etc. sure i may not decide _every_ thought i have, but it feels like i still get to elicit thoughts that i want to have, like typing this message out? who chose to do this if not me? I'm hoping to close the gap between these two experiences.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
im hoping to find assistance from someone who can poke holes in what is left of the feeling/belief that my self exists. to reflect what i say back at myself and shine light on inconsistencies or fallacies i'm allowing to creep in without realising it. or perhaps not, im honestly not too sure what it will take, i just know i want the truth, and the truth appears to be that there is no 'me'. but im not truly at that perspective yet

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
a LSD trip when i was 18 broke what appeared to be an illusion of my mind and the way i percieve the world. this instilled in me a deep desire to ensure there were not any more illusions of the mind. i meditated for 10 years since then. i have done a 10 day vipassana retreat, and practiced many types of mediation, concentration, vipassana, metta etc. but it is only recently that i have really begun to twist the knife into my experience of reality and question it closely, to hone in on this notion of the self and attempt to dispell it.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

[Lubo]

Hi dear Andrew,

Welcome to the forum.

My name is Lubo, and if you feel open to it, I’d be glad to walk with you as your guide.

"I'm hoping to find assistance from someone who can poke holes in what is left of the feeling/belief that my self exists."

Let’s start with this:
There is only one subject — no second, no-2
What you’re seeking is the direct recognition that there is no one else here.

In this space, we don’t aim to achieve a state or fix a self.
We simply question what is false, and what remains is bliss, vastness, and truth — nothing else is truly real.

If you’re open to discovering reality as it is, we can continue.

The root illusion begins with the message “you were born.”
From there, the mind builds and protects a story — an imagined persona believed to be this body, this shape.

Let’s start gently with this pointer:

Is it true that you were born with the appearance of the body?
Each morning, the body appears — and with it, life appears.
But what if you are not the body, and you are not even the life that comes and goes?

Like a rainbow — beautiful, vivid, but not solid.

How does it feel to see this possibility?

With much love,
Lubo