No Such Thing As I

[NoSuchThing1]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I take this to mean I will be assisted with a guide who has realized that no-self exists, and will be assisting me finding this out for myself as well using direct, experiential evidence that I will be looking at myself.

What are you looking for at LU?
I've struggled in the past with self-inquiry as I found I couldn't get any specific traction, and only found myself back in my mind tussling around with thoughts. I'm looking for a person who can relate to me, can sympathize with my direct and highly honest writing style (which at times may not be gentle or nice) and who can help me once and for all see that there is no Me doer, and that Me/I does not exist. I'm looking for guide who is as committed to helping me as I'm committed to this process

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Commitment and direct pointing in an honest and unabashed way. Someone who feels deeply connected with what I'm writing, and believes they can help me. I failed twice, very miserably in this process over the last 14 years.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I came to buddhist texts when I was 24 years old and suffering tremendously. I started by reading all the Sutras that I could find, and mediated many hours per day for some years. After not finding any respite I came across Adyashanti. I listened to his video and learned to mediate by letting go. All I got was many mystical experiences, and I quit one day when I heard one of this students mention Jed McKenna. Those books caused me to question all the modalities I've been using, but I failed very miserably in attempting the techniques mentioned in the books. Both of these were soul-crushing events in my life, as there was 6 years period between each failure. After the last failure I decided this was simply not possible for me. I quit, and tried to go back to regular life, but I found that I'm exiled from life by lack of interest and ultimate meaninglessness and deep unsatisfaction. At this point I'm tired, exhausted, I doubt McKenna, all the teachers and this process, I feel very dejected that I spent so much of life without anything but some non-dual states to show. I came across Angelo Duillolo recently, who inspired me that this can be done, but he seems to evidence the necessity of looking in meditation and the unavoidable element of grace. Most of my desire to mediate fell away with Jed books. I'm lost, and tired, but I'm willing to give it everything I have left. At the moment, all I have is 24/7 to give to this process as I'm not tied to any responsibilities. I hope what I write resonates with someone.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

[ty0]

Heya, Tyler here. What should I call you?

I take this to mean I will be assisted with a guide who has realized that no-self exists, and will be assisting me finding this out for myself as well using direct, experiential evidence that I will be looking at myself.

What do you mean by "no-self exists"? What is it?


What thoughts are you tussling around with?