The Gate

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this? There is only raw experience unfolding, no experiencer. Feelings, thoughts, sensations arise and pass with no doer at the helm. I is a lie.

What are you looking for at LU? Freedom! The truth. A mirror to reflect back what ‘I’ am unable to see at present. Accountability to go the distance, no matter what.

And perhaps soon a community of other former seekers to dance the next dance of existence with.

What do you expect from a guided conversation? To reframe or support in discovering what is still elusive after reading and doing the exercises from the LU book and the Gatecrashers book.
There is absolutely a process happening now and perhaps it will come to fruition on its own but the ‘I’ has been very slippery in recent days so it feels appropriate to call in the support system that is offered here. It is like the climax of a movie, and it would be a real shame not to get to experience the denouement at this point.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry? This answer has been deleted three times now just before submitting so pardon the brevity…
Seeker since childhood, there was always something that seemed missing when watching others experience the world, and a continual question about what is the point of existence.
There was a profound experience as a teen in an auditorium of people, feeling each individual breathing, then merging into the space where I could feel and become the entire space and each being in it, an experience of oneness. This was followed by an intense process of seeking to experience THAT again, and after many many years it is now almost able to be called in on demand, or at least with regularity.
Books were consumed, tons of spiritual books.
Recently pursuing non-duality teachers. Some self inquiry exercises.
And most recently after some tragic events an experience of dissolving into nothingness, blackness, the opposite of the everythingness. This was no less profound. Since then the inquiry and study/seeking has been all consuming.

These experiences are not what is being sought here, just to be clear, only to provide context.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

Hi graceabounds
(is that what you want me to call you?)

Welcome to Liberation Unleashed :)! It’s great to see you here!
My name is Rali, and I’ll be glad to be your guide if you like.

Here at LU we assist in the exploration of the idea of the separate self. This is a guiding based on experience that brings a shift in perception and is not a debate. It directly points to what IS through the use of exercises, questions and dialogue. What is expected from you is to LOOK carefully to what is being pointed at. It is this simple LOOKING (not thinking) that brings a shift in perception.

Here, we are LOOKING directly into the experience of the senses, which is actually here and now, with the thinking stripped away. It is also known as Direct Experience (DE) or Actual Experience (AE). In this way, we are aiming to discover what is truly happening without the story we tell ourselves. For this process to work you have to answer with 100% honesty, and not relying on thought, imagination or memory - just reporting your direct experience. That would also mean leaving spiritual teachings, philosophies and science away during the inquiry. If you have a meditation practice, please feel free to continue with it as usual – it might come helpful.

Please read through “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Please confirm that you have read them
http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

When replying to a question, please use the quote function to highlight the question being answered. Throughout this inquiry, please answer questions individually, not in a bundle. Please watch the below video to learn how to use the Quote function. This will assist us in having a clear dialogue around the questions and answers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fAToDNh9hQ

It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. It will save you time in the long run, if a glitch in the system wipes out your answer.

For the sake of the intensity of the inquiry let’s try to stick to a daily conversation. Of course, life happens, so if you need more time, please let me know. I will do as well.
What time zone are in?
If you're okay with everything so far, we can start.
Love
Rali

Good day Rali!

Glad to be here as well. My name (the label with the most juice) is Becca. Excited to be on this adventure with you.

Please read through “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Please confirm that you have read them

Confirmed.

What time zone are in?

Eastern time

OK with everything, and ready to proceed.

There is a feeling of gratitude,
Becca

Hi Becca

Excited to be on this adventure with you.

Excited to be doing it with you too :)!

Please make sure that you are subscribed to your topic. In the top left corner, next to "Post Reply" there is an icon that looks like a spanner. When you click on it there is a menu where you can select “subscribe topic’. Click on it once. If you want to be sure that you are subscribed just refresh the page and if you click again should show now “ unsubscribe topic”. Don’t click on it as it will unsubscribe you :).

Eastern time

I'm GMT+2. We have a bit of a difference but we’ll manage

OK with everything, and ready to proceed.

Great!

First things first, let’s get your expectations out on in the open:

1. What will be different when you realize there’s no separate self?

2. What do you expect to happen as a result of this?

3. What do you want not to happen?

4. What are you hoping for?

5. What is missing?

Love
Rali

Hello!

Thank you for the questions.

you can select “subscribe topic’

Done!

1. What will be different when you realize there’s no separate self?

So far in this process there has been questioning of and detachment from the thoughts that arise and are attributed to ‘I’ so there is an expectation that this will continue and result in a more permanent disidentification from the mind’s chatter.

2. What do you expect to happen as a result of this?

A feeling of trust that life will just keep lifing itself and more ability to be present with whatever unfolds without the accustomed mechanism of feeling the need to control. In other words more being and less doing.

3. What do you want not to happen?

About a week ago a rather intense fear appeared as there was an inquiry into the label for ‘my husband’ that something in our relationship would change or fall away. This led to a deeper look at where Self had identified with him, a bunch of thoughts that merged/connected the I thought with the direct experience of him. So there was more inquiry for a day or two after that experience of fear. Behind the fear there was still a constant feeling of love, and trust that this love is what is real and it will persist and deepen once the gate has been crossed. In this present moment there is only love but sharing since it came up in this process.

Also there is a somewhat related fear that without the self in control this body will end up on a park bench for two years integrating to a new experience as Tolle did. But then the thought came if the self never existed in the first place how can that happen? Life will continue as it was. And perhaps continued connection with this community will support in post-crossing challenges if any arise.

These thoughts also seem like a smokescreen… not real, just a distraction to prevent continued looking.

4. What are you hoping for?

So much has already shifted as a result of the exercises and pointings in LU book that I hope to be able to share this material and process with others once my own process is complete.

5. What is missing?

Nothing. Nothing is missing.

With gratitude and love,
Becca

Hey Becca
Thank you for your honesty! It can be challenging to become aware of what we really believe. The questions were a means to seeing what expectations you have, as everyone has some “idea” about awakening. There is so much information out there now with so many people sharing their experiences, and “teachers” preaching how it supposed to look and feel, that to have no expectations is almost impossible.

Your expectations are somewhat reasonable, but ultimately, expectations are a hindrance. They cling to an idea of how it is supposed to go, which is not necessarily correct, and this is why I asked you to read the FAQ’s of what Liberation Unleashed is NOT. When realisation happens, it can be very subtle and if there are expectations of any kind, then it can be missed and the guiding becomes very difficult. I can promise you there will be no fireworks; it is just a subtle shift in perception! The only true expectation, that you can have, is that the seeking will end. If there are any other expectations, it's good to acknowledge them and then set them aside. It is all much simpler and ordinary. Is that OK with you?

About a week ago a rather intense fear appeared as there was an inquiry into the label for ‘my husband’ that something in our relationship would change or fall away. This led to a deeper look at where Self had identified with him, a bunch of thoughts that merged/connected the I thought with the direct experience of him. So there was more inquiry for a day or two after that experience of fear. Behind the fear there was still a constant feeling of love, and trust that this love is what is real and it will persist and deepen once the gate has been crossed. In this present moment there is only love but sharing since it came up in this process.

Also there is a somewhat related fear that without the self in control this body will end up on a park bench for two years integrating to a new experience as Tolle did. But then the thought came if the self never existed in the first place how can that happen? Life will continue as it was. And perhaps continued connection with this community will support in post-crossing challenges if any arise.

These thoughts also seem like a smokescreen… not real, just a distraction to prevent continued looking.

Exactly! Like I said, it’s just a shift of perception. How can an illusion have experiences/lack of them? An illusion is an illusion. It has never existed and it never will.

Do you expect that somehow you are going to turn into a zombie or a vegetable? Life expresses itself and "we" are part of this expression. In some way, we get the idea that we are life and we dictate what is happening, we think, we do things and we need protection but when we examine this closely, we see it for what it is - just a mirage, an illusion. There is no doer and thinker. Things are just happening.

Let’s examine this carefully. Fear/resistance serves to protect the imaginary self from harm. In this case it protects “you” from changing and losing your “humanity” (emotions). But let’s be clear here… why would the absence of something that has NEVER existed cause a change in existing stuff?

What we’ll see soon is that fear is just a sensation with a thought. Fear “has a purpose” – to protect old ways, conditioning, beliefs, hopes - the survival of the imaginary self (where the self could be found basically). So, obviously when threatened, there will be fear involved. But once it is seen that there is nothing that needs protection, the fear falls away. How we deal with fear initially, is to acknowledge it, thank it for doing its job, allow it to be there, not fight it. Then you look carefully what it is protecting and ask yourself if this protection is really necessary...
You probably believed in Santa when you were little. There was magic and joy, and love, and giving, and caring. When you realised that Santa is not real, did Christmas change? Did the spirit of Christmas disappear or just the belief in Santa?

Now… If you look for the I, what is there? If I say there’s no doer, thinker, experiencer, decision maker, or a witness, what comes up? Where exactly did you look? What exactly did you find? Please describe in detail what appears – feelings, sensations, thoughts, anything?
Love
Rali

Hello,

Basically going to quote the entire email, so much here. Thank you.

The only true expectation, that you can have, is that the seeking will end. If there are any other expectations, it's good to acknowledge them and then set them aside. It is all much simpler and ordinary. Is that OK with you?

Absolutely. Setting them aside. And looking forward to an end of seeking because it has been rather all consuming of late.

Exactly! Like I said, it’s just a shift of perception. How can an illusion have experiences/lack of them? An illusion is an illusion. It has never existed and it never will.

Am certainly seeing this.

Do you expect that somehow you are going to turn into a zombie or a vegetable?

Haha. Honestly, the mind has thrown that out there when it was fishing for what became the “my husband” inquiry. The bait was not taken.

Fear/resistance serves to protect the imaginary self from harm. In this case it protects “you” from changing and losing your “humanity” (emotions). But let’s be clear here… why would the absence of something that has NEVER existed cause a change in existing stuff?

It couldn’t possibly.

You probably believed in Santa when you were little. There was magic and joy, and love, and giving, and caring. When you realised that Santa is not real, did Christmas change? Did the spirit of Christmas disappear or just the belief in Santa?

Nothing changed. Just the belief. The magic went from being fantasy to more of a direct experience in that the gift giver was known and not pretend.

Now… If you look for the I, what is there?

Nothing.
There is a bird outside.
Ringing in the ears.

If I say there’s no doer, thinker, experiencer, decision maker, or a witness, what comes up?

The word witness has a little thought train behind it. If there were a witness then my memory wouldn’t be so terrible haha. A witness would remember dreams once awake. And then looking at the sentence again on the page the words mush together. There is pressure in the forehead. Ringing in the ears.
Feeling of emptiness.

Where exactly did you look?

From the eyes, the senses, this moment. Look to… nothing there.

What exactly did you find? Please describe in detail what appears – feelings, sensations, thoughts, anything?

There is emotion present. Joy and also sadness simultaneously if I were to give labels. Car outside. Heart beating. Moment of grief. Words typing themselves. Fingers on iphone keys. Wondering who these words are for if this is all there is.
A thought of maybe going back and answering the above questions again from here. Wherever here is. This space.

The grief again at the edges. A moment of inviting it to be seen. To come ‘play’. Then the lips move into a smile (which can’t be seen because that is memory of what it would look like in a mirror but is felt) and a feeling of love. Energy in the arms, like tingling. A sound that the mind labels airplane.

Some attachment arises. Like just want to stay here on this couch like this. Noticing the attachment. Noticing also that there wasn’t an I behind that thought, just the thought of staying. A pleasant feeling. Heart beating. ‘Husband’ coughing downstairs. Is it a cough or just sound plus label.

Breathing slows. Staring into space. Typing will end so there can be more staring.

Becca

Hi Becca

What a beautiful reply!

Nothing changed. Just the belief. The magic went from being fantasy to more of a direct experience in that the gift giver was known and not pretend.

Well said!

There is a lot of clarity in your answers. What exactly do you want to explore together? What are you seeking for? You said:

There is absolutely a process happening now and perhaps it will come to fruition on its own but the ‘I’ has been very slippery in recent days so it feels appropriate to call in the support system that is offered here.

Where exactly does the “I” slips back? Which I is that - the witness, the doer, the decision maker? It would give me an idea where to begin

Just to save us some time…
Before we start let’s just make sure that you understand how to LOOK for no self in the exercises:
Looking is a matter of noticing what is already here, not inventing or imagining something.
It is a nonverbal action of focusing attention on a target. Thinking is verbal—it is naming experience. Both work together as one mechanism. If you can’t see for yourself, you cannot describe it in your own words (but you can attempt to describe it using someone else’s words, from memory).

So there is a BIG difference between knowing that there is nothing and seeing that there is nothing.
Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what colour socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to answer:
1. You can think about it, trying to remember, or guessing what colour they are.
2. You can have a look at your socks and see what colour they ACTUALLY are!
You will agree that only by looking you could be 100% certain, right?

For the purpose of this inquiry, it is crucial that you are clear about this difference in the two ways of answering and stick only to the second way. We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on. We are only interested in Direct (Actual) Experience (DE/AE)- the experience right now and right here.

Direct or Actual Experience is:

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (not emotion - emotion is sensation plus thoughts/labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content, what the thought is ABOUT)

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.
Here's an exercise for you to get super clear on what direct experience is. You can use this photo of an apple or a real apple.



Have a look at an apple. When ‘looking at an apple’, there's colour, a thought saying ‘apple,' and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple." What about the content of thoughts, what they describe? While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT cannot be found in direct or actual experience. Direct, actual experience is sound, thought, colour(sight), smell, taste and sensation.

Taste labelled ‘apple’ is known
Colour (visual information) labelled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labelled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labelled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known
However, is 'an apple' actually known? (Or is it just a label?) Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only colour and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’? Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

Love
Rali

Good morning/afternoon!

Going deeper. With gratitude for the support.

There is a lot of clarity in your answers. What exactly do you want to explore together? What are you seeking for? You said:

There is absolutely a process happening now and perhaps it will come to fruition on its own but the ‘I’ has been very slippery in recent days so it feels appropriate to call in the support system that is offered here.

Where exactly does the “I” slips back? Which I is that - the witness, the doer, the decision maker? It would give me an idea where to begin

The quick answer is the I slips back in thoughts.

There are these moments, extended moments, where there is just present awareness and the ‘I’ cannot be found at all. There is a car and no driver. This started a week ago.

The first time was an abrupt recognition while practicing an exercise from the DE book: I could not be located and there was just direct experience for a long while and then a thought came in “I need to do x” and then some more looking and the counter response “x is just fine, the ‘I’ does not need to participate… is not relevant… does not exist.”

Since then there are long stretches of time each day when direct experience is present and no I can be found and other times when engaging with others and there are words coming out “I let the dog out” or “I love you” that are noticed to be just automatic.

For example last night there was direct experience from when the exercise was performed to staring all the way to bedtime and sleep. Then in the night there was the need to use the bathroom and in that process there was an I thought “Tomorrow I will” that was noticed to be present.

So to answer the question it is as if the mind is still operating with a doer, and sometimes the system follows along until there is noticing again. “I” is not present upon reflection.

And then to tie back to the first question about what to explore together and what the seeking is for… There is the idea that when the gate is crossed it will be an extension of these direct experience moments, it will become the ordinary and not the extraordinary and the I thought will fall away. But perhaps that is an expectation that can be dropped. Would appreciate guidance.

You will agree that only by looking you could be 100% certain, right?

Right.

Direct or Actual Experience is:

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (not emotion - emotion is sensation plus thoughts/labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content, what the thought is ABOUT)

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.

Thoughts Arising is interesting because it was lumped together for me into the general category of Thoughts. But it doesn’t seem to change the practice since their content is not direct experience.

However, is 'an apple' actually known? (Or is it just a label?) Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only colour and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’? Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

Just labels. Even the name of a color is a label. There is no ‘apple’ and typing this there is no direct experience at all since there are only words copy/pasted and not even an image, only memory which is thought.

Perhaps this circles all the way back and answers all that was written above about the automatic ‘I’ thought hahahahaha.

There is a thought that “I” is a balloon full of hot air which has been pierced and is slowly deflating. Sometimes the attention goes to the loud hiss the air is making on the way out and at other times it is already in the spaciousness outside of the balloon.

Love,
Becca

Good morning Becca :)

Just labels. Even the name of a color is a label. There is no ‘apple’ and typing this there is no direct experience at all since there are only words copy/pasted and not even an image, only memory which is thought.

You could have done the exercise with any other object or a real apple (not the picture). Anyway, yes, “apple” is a thought/label that points to sensations, taste, smell, and colour, but there is no an actual apple as an “object”. “Object” is another general label/thought that points to just hearing (sound), seeing (colour), feeling (sensation), smelling (smell), and tasting (taste). Clear?

Just to ensure that you are crystal clear about DE and labels related to it...here's an exercise that you can try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities, objects and emotions simply as colour/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought as per the apple example.
For example, when having coffee in the morning, become aware of:
Seeing a cup, simply= colour (seeing)
Smelling coffee, simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought (thinking)

Break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists EXACTLY like the one above. Please write a few examples from your daily life.

Love
Rali

Hello,

“Object” is another general label/thought that points to just hearing (sound), seeing (colour), feeling (sensation), smelling (smell), and tasting (taste). Clear?

Yes

Break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists EXACTLY like the one above. Please write a few examples from your daily life.

Seeing rain making everything blurry, simply= colour (seeing)
Smelling rain, simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling raindrops on skin, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting moist air, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing rain on the pavement, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about one raindrop, simply = thought (thinking)

Seeing a salad, simply= colour (seeing)
Smelling salad, simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling the coolness of fork and the coolness of the salad, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting the salad, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing the crunching, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about eating salad, simply = thought (thinking)

Seeing the bedsheets, simply= colour (seeing)
Smelling bedsheets, simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling the bed underneath, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting the toothpaste, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing a yawn, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about going to sleep, simply = thought (thinking)

Becca

Hi Becca

Seeing the bedsheets, simply= colour (seeing)
Smelling bedsheets, simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling the bed underneath, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting the toothpaste, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing a yawn, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about going to sleep, simply = thought (thinking)

Thank you for doing such wonderful looking! :) It is now to incorporate that looking into your everyday….make it a habit.

How does it feel to see what actually is?


For the next exercise I want you to sit somewhere quiet and observe thoughts.
A thought appears.
In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it?
Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead? Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?
Where do thoughts appear from? Where are they coming from and going to? Do they appear randomly or in a structured way? Watch like a hawk.

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.
It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence. Or is it just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that "one thought follows another thought"?

Are thoughts 100% true?
What are you, when you don't think about what you are?

Love
Rali

Hello,

How does it feel to see what actually is?

There is relaxation in the body

A thought appears.
In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognizes the thought or is being aware of it?

There is awareness of the thought after it happens otherwise this exercise couldn’t be performed. But this is the same awareness as from yesterday’s exercise of raw experience.

Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead? Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?

The answer to all these is no

Where do thoughts appear from? Where are they coming from and going to? Do they appear randomly or in a structured way? Watch like a hawk.

From nowhere to nowhere. Sometimes fast and sometimes slow, some seem to progress or are attached to other thoughts in a ‘train of thought’ sequence. All are random.

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.

all no

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence. Or is it just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that "one thought follows another thought"?

Hmm, interesting. it is only through thought that other thoughts organize into any pattern or seeming sequence. The attempt to make meaning which is itself a thought. There is a lot of pressure in the head.

Are thoughts 100% true?

NO! The only part of the thought that is true is the direct experience of the thought without content.

What are you, when you don't think about what you are?

The same. Life happening. Raw unlabeled experience

Becca

Good morning Becca

There is relaxation in the body

Good! Keep it going! Please provide one example with each reply written as the cup of coffee example!

There is awareness of the thought after it happens otherwise this exercise couldn’t be performed. But this is the same awareness as from yesterday’s exercise of raw experience.

Please describe this awareness. In your actual direct experience (DE), is there really an entity awareness? What does it look like – form/color; does it speak etc – how can you describe it using the five senses? What is there when you look at “awareness”? Is it a container for experiences? Some kind of lone witness? Or is witnessing too just happening, done by no one? Keep digging. Is there awareness or “aware-ing”/knowing/being?
Now let’s LOOK even deeper… where does awareness/knowing stop and the thoughts start, is there a visible border? Are there ”solid” thoughts floating around in “awareness”- “arising, appearing and disappearing”? Are the thinker/awareness, thought, and thinking separate? Is thinking different from being aware of thoughts? Can there be awareness without objects? Can there be objects without awareness? Is awareness ever actually experienced or is it just an idea, an abstraction?
Please LOOK, don’t intellectualise, imagine or remember from your previous experience!

The answer to all these is no

Good!! Please avoid bulk answering even if it is boring. It just shows me that you looked and not just answered from knowledge. Each question is there for a reason, and the more looking the better.

Hmm, interesting. it is only through thought that other thoughts organize into any pattern or seeming sequence. The attempt to make meaning which is itself a thought. There is a lot of pressure in the head.

Very good!
Now let’s explore “in the head” and "body" in general…
1. Take something cold from the fridge – like a can of cooldrink. When you touch the can, what does more accurately describe your experience:
a. Your fingers feeling cold because of touching a cold can; or
b. Coldness - sensation labelled “cold”? With eyes closed, where does the cold appear? Observe the order in which the details appear
2. Sit comfortably on a chair. Close your eyes and relax. Pay attention only to the feeling of your body. Just notice the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images. Keep your eyes closed and look:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair? At the point where your body contacts the chair, are there two things there, a body and chair, or one, sensation?
Is it "my" body, or is it just a body?
Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
Can the 'body' do things?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, walking, lying down, etc) before replying.

Love
Rali

Hi Rali,

There is a lot of resistance today. Sending this first part so that there is some action and momentum despite that constant thought to not do. Plan to work on the new exercise tonight.

Please provide one example with each reply written as the cup of coffee example!

Seeing tissue, simply= colour (seeing)
Smelling nothing (unable to smell), simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling sensation in throat, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting moisture in back of mouth, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing irregular breathing, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about sickness, simply = thought (thinking)

Please describe this awareness. In your actual direct experience (DE), is there really an entity awareness? 

Not an entity. But the direct experience coming into focus as according to the example above,

What does it look like – form/color; does it speak etc – how can you describe it using the five senses? 

Cannot describe it, has no form. It is what the 5 senses perceive.

What is there when you look at “awareness”?

Nothing.

 Is it a container for experiences? 

Hmmm... interesting. it doesn't hold on to experience, only thoughts do that so no it isn't a container.

Some kind of lone witness? 

No.

Or is witnessing too just happening, done by no one? 

Yes.

Keep digging. Is there awareness or “aware-ing”/knowing/being?

Ah, yes awareing is a better word!! Yes!

Now let’s LOOK even deeper… where does awareness/knowing stop and the thoughts start, is there a visible border? 

Aware-ing always is, but the direct experience is lessened/hampered when the mind starts labeling aware-ing and thoughts draw focus.

Are there ”solid” thoughts floating around in “awareness”- “arising, appearing and disappearing”? 

Thoughts are not solid. The thoughts themselves can appear and disappear in awareing but the content does not. For example: my thoughts right now are expressing the theory that this line of questioning is a circle with no destination.  When that thinking is happening/pursued the aware-ing of body on couch, fingers on keyboard etc goes out of focus. 

Are the thinker/awareness, thought, and thinking separate? 

Hahaha. Stuck here. Am really looking. Getting lost in the languaging a bit.
thinker=I thought/illusion
awareness=aware-ing
Thought=both the container that is direct experience but can also mean the content which is not
Thinking=I thought/illusion playing controller
So aware-ing is what is being developed and honed in these exercises, and does feel separate.

Is thinking different from being aware of thoughts? 

Yes. One is do-ing the other is be-ing.

Can there be awareness without objects? 

I know this is not direct experience, but aware-ing happens in the dream state, which is without objects so yes.

Can there be objects without awareness? 

If a tree falls in the forest... haha
Staying with direct experience, no there cannot be.

Is awareness ever actually experienced or is it just an idea, an abstraction?Please LOOK, don’t intellectualise, imagine or remember from your previous experience!

Aware-ing that is present right now cannot turn around and look at itself at all so cannot be experienced (only what is DE is experienced) so yes, when LOOKing it is just an idea. Everything feels very much on thin ice right now, tenuous. Like 'I' am looking right at something but cannot see it because it doesn't exist but still there is pretending that it does.

More later,
Becca