Seeing through doubt and uncertainty

[MargaretaG]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
There is no self, the self is a construct, an illusion, keeping us separate. Identity structures are held together by holding patterns, deep conditioning, unquestioned or unconscious beliefs. Seeing through self is seeing through these constructs of mind that hold no truth in experience.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am looking for a guide who can help me to see through my own core beliefs, through my doubt. To point me in the direction where I am not looking. To support me in trusting my own experience. To guide me through the fetters and allow me to see where and why I am stuck.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect a guide to ask me questions that will encourage me to look into my own experience. I hope to have a guide who is able to point me to helpful or relevant resources or practices and to be open and honest, to hold up a mirror to me and to be direct.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been interested in spiritual teachings and practices for over 10 years. In the more recent years, I have come to a more experiential understanding of non-duality and have begun looking specifically into fetter work.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[Brane]

Hi Margareta,

I hope I got your name right.

I would love to guide you, but first it would be good to figure out in which time zone are you, as it would be good to have occasional online meetings. I live in Vienna (Central European Time). Where do you live?

Cheers,
Branimir

[MargaretaG]

Hello Branimir,
Thank you very much for offering to be my guide! I appreciate it very much. I am in the UAE, Gulf Standard Time zone. So, +3hrs for the time being.

Margareta

[Brane]

That sounds great. I'll get back to you with more content and information over the weekend.

[Brane]

So, Magdalena, let's start slowly.

Before we get into more direct pointing, I would suggest to keep in mind the following things:

1. Do not compare your experience with others. It will just cause more frustration. This depends not on the personality, but on conditions we cannot entirely comprehend. It would be good to stop reading other threads, as the mind will automatically try to make comparisons, like it or not. So, to avoid this, simply focus on your direct experience and let go of comparison.

2. Let go of expectations. The brain naturally projects things and expects the awakening to change our lives. This is simply the mind trying to imagine the outcome. Simply notice a thought when it shows up and move on. Stay open and let everything be as it is.The expectation will happen, and that's fine. Simply notice them and let go.

3. Do not anticipate any shift to happen while doing the inquiry. This is so important. Stay with whatever inquiry you are doing, and do not fall into the trap of imagination.

4. Let go of doubts suggesting that you cannot do it. It is crucial when a doubt arises to notice it and let it go. This process is about something other than how “intelligent” we are. It has nothing to do with it.

If this is fine with you, I would suggest scheduling an online meeting. I think meeting live occasionally make sense as this is a sensitive inquiry. Let me know your schedule and we can coordinate it.

So, please tell me what is your expectation of this process?

How did you imagine awakening?

How important is this for you?

Are you ready to integrate it into your daily life?

Can you accept that this process may be frustrating and take some time?

Please stay precise, this is simply for me to get some context about you.

[MargaretaG]

Hello Branimir,

This is fine with me, as well as helpful.
An online meeting would be great.
I will be travelling for the next couple of weeks.
However, upon my return, as of January 3, I am quite flexible.
I am available during the day, Tues, Wed: 8am- 12pm (CET) and most evenings around 18h00(CET).
Sometimes other mornings can work as well.

As for expectations, I think I have let go of many of them, I am questioning everything.
I am sure there are some unacknowledged expectations, I am hoping these will become more evident.
I have imagined many things, ex. changes in the visual field, crossing the fear barrier, changes in external circumstances… but as time goes by I realize more and more that I have no idea.
It is very important for me.
I am ready to integrate it into my daily life.
I have experienced very much frustration and I also see that that’s ok too.

[Brane]

HI Margareta,

that sounds good.

Regarding your availability, would you prefer to postpone our communication after you come back, or are you still open to communicating here at LU while you're on the road? It would be beneficial for both of us to be aware of our schedules. If, by any chance, you're unable to respond to my messages promptly, it might be better for us to postpone our communication.

Now a few words about our relationship.

The core of this guiding is to point to no-self. LU is generally about that. However, awakening is not only to see that there is no-self, but this to become our experiences in totality, in every single moment. There is a difference between seeing for the first time that there is no such thing as self and integrate this realization in its entirety. Only in this way the suffering stops. So, we will work initially here at LU, and if you wish then to go deeper, I suggest moving the conversation outside the forum.

If that's fine with you, I suggest starting based on your availability.

Branimir

[MargaretaG]

Hi Branimir,
Yes, let’s postpone communication as I will not have much availability over the next couple of weeks.
I am very much looking forward to reconnecting and I appreciate everything you have said so far.
Thank you and well wishes,
M.

[MargaretaG]

Hi Branimir,
Looking forward to reconnect when you are available,
Thank you!

Margareta

[Brane]

Hi Margareta,

good to hear from you. I'll get back to you tomorrow at the latest.

Branimir

[Brane]

Hi Margareta,

Firstly, let's coordinate our online meeting. I suggest using private messages for organizational matters. I will send you one, so please check your inbox.

Now, let's start slowly. This is how I work. While I have a certain structure, part of it is intuitive. That's why, at the beginning, we simply test the waters to see how you orientate and to provide a better context for both of us.

I like to begin with the following opening and question:

In reality, there is no self or "i" that operates and manages our life, mental and physical actions and reactions. Margareta is only a character based on a bunch of automatic stories and beliefs.

How does it feel when this is stated so?

Make sure to ask this question and observe the reactions (mental and physical). Pose this question, also when you are out of your comfort zone, and see what comes up. Do not fall into the trap of intellectualizing it too much. Simply explore with a sense of curiosity what follows.

Have fun:)

[MargaretaG]

Hi Branimir,
I have been reflecting on your question without trying to make it too cerebral.
In reality, this makes sense to me. I have had experiential glimpses that Margareta is simply a character. I recognize this although it is not my lived experience in the present from moment to moment.

Margareta

[Brane]

Okay, we'll address these glimpses at the meeting tomorrow.

Here's another one:

What is your present moment experience of you/me/self?

How it shows up?

Where is it?

For this question, welcome the intellectual as well as the physical responses of it.

Take the moment to ask this question and see what comes up. It would be a good starting point for the meeting tomorrow and further pointers.

[MargaretaG]

My present moment experience, when I am able to be present, is purely sensation, vibrational energy felt in the body and beyond. My present moment of you is that there is no immediate experience of there being any “other”.
My understanding of my self as my human character is that it is conditioned, out of my control, impersonal.
Where is it? Everywhere and nowhere.
Intellectually, it is experienced as oneness, unity, I have an idea that everything is some illusory expression of “consciousness”. I continue to experience some locus, as in there is still identification with something being here.
I quickly want to state that I continue to go through phases of “remembering“ and “forgetting” which can be extremely disorienting. And also I struggle to put these concepts into words. Hopefully I covered some of the answers to your questions.

[Brane]

Hi Margareta,

It was great talking to you yesterday.

I would suggest starting with a specific structure and then progressing from there.

The sense of self, or the belief in it, is closely linked to the senses and thought structures. There is a belief that whatever is experienced is either experienced by someone/something or that the self is in control of it. Now, let's explore this feeling of control to see if there is something there.

I would begin by examining how thoughts arise and then gradually shift focus to other senses.

Take a moment to observe your thoughts. Simply notice how they arise. While observing, you may get lost in thoughts, and that's perfectly fine. We all do. Just return to observing again. That's it.

When observing thoughts, consider the following points:

Can you control how thoughts operate and arise?
Can you stop the thinking process? Give it a try.
Is there a source or anything that produces these thoughts to be found?
If one sincerely looks, can a thinker be found?
If we can't control any of this, and there's no thinker or source of thoughts to be found, then WHO is doing the talking? (or alternatively you could ask "who are you then" , given that nothing initiate thoughts.

What works well with this, especially considering the last pointer, is to first recognize clearly that thoughts are emerging seemingly from nowhere— inherently uninvited. In that moment, with a sense of curiosity, explore the "who" or "you" behind them. Where is it?