curious yet not

[gautpie]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
My understanding is that the sense of self is a set of conditioned beliefs, stories, and mental habits. These are a foundational part of the conditioning that we receive as children, necessary to function as social beings in a social world. We are taught that there are 2 radically different "things" in existence, namely "me" and "not me".

What are you looking for at LU?
I'm looking both for guidance and fellowship. My journey of awakening has been going on for 50 years. It has been a wild ride, but a solo one. I've yearned for a community to share with, and also for some more precise guidance at certain junctures in the journey. Of particular interest is the challenge of resting in the peace of non-dual awareness while also functioning as a member of society, a father, a partner, etc. I've found that the demands of the social world tend to disrupt the awakened state, while the awakened state tends to "freak out" the folks around me who are not on the path of awakening. I'm not sure how to bridge this gap.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
As I write these words, my expectations are fairly nebulous. I don't have a pressing question. I guess I would hope to meet someone with a similar mindset, with whom I could discuss the nature of "that which is always already the case" who would be able to contribute something to the conversation. I've yet to come across such a person. I'm ok with with continuing my journey solo, but at the same time would really appreciate the chance to connect with another "finder".

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Been meditating on and off for 50 years. Have studied with several teachers. Done 2 10-day Vipassana retreats. Done several Zen retreats. Worked with Buddhist teachers through True North Insights. Read several hundred books. Studied Ken Wilber's Integral approach. Became a Certified Integral Master Coach. Worked one-on-one with teacher Michael Stone. Done teacher training under Shinzen Young. Have taught mindfulness for 10 years. Do mindfulness-based coaching.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[pozablo]

Hi Gautpie, my name is Pablo Miller, and your post appeals to me. I'm 77 years old, and nonduality has interested me for over 50 years. Logic and evidence lead to the undeniable conclusion that (beyond the possibility of quantum randomness) any kind of uncaused cause (separate self) is simply impossible.

But, as you say, our language and culture are built upon the attribution of thoughts and urges etc. to a "self".

The living reality that everything is just happening, all on its own, comes and goes for me. When that is the reality, I feel happy and bring happiness to the people with whom I interact. And it is so very clear that there is nobody doing anything.

But during periods when life circumstances become quite unsatisfactory, there is non-acceptance, and then comes the sense of a me that can choose or not choose a course of action starts to get strong...even though all the while there is the absolute rational knowledge that such cannot possibly be true. And along with this becomes a great focus on thoughts, and meditation sessions become rarer, and then there is the very unpleasant feeling of being somehow at fault for all of this...despite knowing it cannot be true!!!!!

But, eventually, I begin meditating again, just watching the mind and body closely enough to again see that everything is happening on it's own, no me existing, and mind clears, and attention to what is happening NOW becomes stronger, and things resolve back into noself. Ahhhh.

Any comments? Questions? If so, please click "Notify me when a reply is posted" below the red Options below the Submit button so you'll see when I reply to that.

Cheers,
Pablo