Always a seeker but started looking within about 7 years ago
Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2022 2:50 pm
LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this? "I" won't put quotes around all "my" pronouns after this sentence. All I truly know is I am aware. The self is an illusion created from observing from the place of seeming separate. When self dies, it seems another arises. I have witnessed this in part. The sense of self & separation are strong in me. I know thoughts are not me. Not even this one.
What are you looking for at LU? I know all truth is found within. I also feel this romance with seeking needs to cease. So, I'm looking for that which is right in front of my face. That which is so obvious that it is somehow alluding me. I am looking for truth. Plan and simple. A deep "understanding", or unveiling of truth, of non-duality, of isness. I am looking for me in the trees and for you in me. I want to "experience" non-dual awareness. To see "this" clearly and rewrite the false thinking of the brain that keeps "me" hidden behind this identity with self.
What do you expect from a guided conversation? Expect? Hmmm. Pointers. What else could I expect? I expect nothing really. How could I have expectations about this? I have "hope" I suppose. I hope to receive pointers that help me see clearly what is.
What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry? I grew up Christian. Became a hand-raising, speaking in tongues, laying hands on people "radical" Christian at 18. I had an insatiable appetite to more. In my late 30's I began seriously questioning my beliefs. I eventually became atheist/agnostic. About 7 years ago I began meditating to help me regulate my emotions. It did so much more. I began seeking a deeper understanding of who I am. I started to see my childhood trauma and the false thought patterns that had me looking outside of myself for comfort, love, compassion and belonging. I started reading Tolle, Watts, Singer... I watched everything I could find on info about me not being my thoughts. I stumbled upon non-duality groups on Reddit. Found other teachers. Read books by Jed McKenna... mind blown. Meditation isn't practiced as regularly these days. But I feel "I should". I regularly ask myself, "where did that thought come from?". I can at times sense small glimpses of space without thought. I seemed to experience an ego death of sorts while meditating once. It was as if the entire story started stretching apart like the fibers of sweater... layers of stories... until there was a brief calm followed by an immense sense of... oh crap... now what? I felt deeply that I was the one I had been searching for. I also felt "like God" in that moment. Slowly, the story came back but I haven't been the same really. I have also slipped out of the normal seat of awareness once while uncontrollably crying. It was as if I wasn't experiencing the sadness... AT ALL. But I shifted up and away from it.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11
What are you looking for at LU? I know all truth is found within. I also feel this romance with seeking needs to cease. So, I'm looking for that which is right in front of my face. That which is so obvious that it is somehow alluding me. I am looking for truth. Plan and simple. A deep "understanding", or unveiling of truth, of non-duality, of isness. I am looking for me in the trees and for you in me. I want to "experience" non-dual awareness. To see "this" clearly and rewrite the false thinking of the brain that keeps "me" hidden behind this identity with self.
What do you expect from a guided conversation? Expect? Hmmm. Pointers. What else could I expect? I expect nothing really. How could I have expectations about this? I have "hope" I suppose. I hope to receive pointers that help me see clearly what is.
What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry? I grew up Christian. Became a hand-raising, speaking in tongues, laying hands on people "radical" Christian at 18. I had an insatiable appetite to more. In my late 30's I began seriously questioning my beliefs. I eventually became atheist/agnostic. About 7 years ago I began meditating to help me regulate my emotions. It did so much more. I began seeking a deeper understanding of who I am. I started to see my childhood trauma and the false thought patterns that had me looking outside of myself for comfort, love, compassion and belonging. I started reading Tolle, Watts, Singer... I watched everything I could find on info about me not being my thoughts. I stumbled upon non-duality groups on Reddit. Found other teachers. Read books by Jed McKenna... mind blown. Meditation isn't practiced as regularly these days. But I feel "I should". I regularly ask myself, "where did that thought come from?". I can at times sense small glimpses of space without thought. I seemed to experience an ego death of sorts while meditating once. It was as if the entire story started stretching apart like the fibers of sweater... layers of stories... until there was a brief calm followed by an immense sense of... oh crap... now what? I felt deeply that I was the one I had been searching for. I also felt "like God" in that moment. Slowly, the story came back but I haven't been the same really. I have also slipped out of the normal seat of awareness once while uncontrollably crying. It was as if I wasn't experiencing the sadness... AT ALL. But I shifted up and away from it.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11