Would like to initiate one on one with Ilona

[Cindy]

I am a new to this site, and would like to request Ilona to do one on one with. Thank you.

[Ilona]

Hi Cyndi,

Thank you for the call. It's great to meet you.
Please share a bit of your journey do far, what brought you here, what are you looking for?

Much love.

[Cindy]

Hello Ilona and thank you. Stumbled upon non duality a few months ago after many years of seeking relief through variuos practices, meditation, energy healing, therapy. Had some wonderful spiritual experiences along the way, but now wanting to explore what is always present. Practicing some non duality techniques recently, lead me to discover a peaceful blanketing feeling on numerous occasions, and at the same time, I recognized that this was not a new sensation. I had visited this before a few times in my life. My goal here is to awaken to the truth of who I really am, and remaing in that peaceful place would be a nice benefit as well. If I may ask you Ilona, can you tell by conversing with someone if they are ready to make the leap? My sense is that there is definitely a willingness to surrender in making that leap. But how does one know if they are ready.
Thank you, and blessings.

[Ilona]

How do I know if you are ready? - you are here :)

Ok, so you are looking to find out who you really are, the answer is- there is no you at all, there is nothing to find out, there is no real you at all. As in zero.
How does it feel to hear this?

Write what comes up.

And what is always pesent? What is here if you don't think about it?
Take a good look and let me know what you notice.

Much love.

[Cindy]

Hello again Ilona,
Initially I feel a sense a great sense of relief, and then some confusion. As this body feels real. This drama feels real. My thoughts however do not feel real. They have no substance. They are more like words coming from nowhere. My feelings feel more real than my thoughts, like they have more substance somehow. I ask myself what it would feel like if i were to truly believe that I am not here at all. I then feel some sadness for my son. Is he here? Would he be motherless?
The answer to the second question is just awareness. Awareness of thoughts, awareness of my environment, awareness of physical sesnsations, and awareness of what I hear. I don't know if I'd have come up with that answer on my own prior to learning about nonduality. Yet now it is an obvious conclusion.
Thank you Ilona,
Much love back to you.

[Ilona]

Great start Cindy, thank you for answer.

Good point- body feels real. Yes, you can touch it, you can see it (exept for your head), you can hear it.
How about this 'me'?
Can me be touched, heard, seen? If you had to point with your finger, where would it point to?
Can me be found in reality among other objects that can be experienced through senses?

If me is only in thoughts, does that mean its real?

Answer these quuestion for now :)
Sending love.

[Cindy]

Hello Ilona,
Ooh, I love do love these questions, they really help you to look.
No, me cannot be touched, or seen especially. Me is like an idea, thought, word. Haha funny, I never saw it that way before. When I point toward the body It feels like I am pointing at me. But when I close my eyes and I look inside the body for me, this me is much bigger than my body, and definitely no encased within the body.
When I look around at objects, at first glance I say of course I see no me there. But looking deeper, I get a sense of me as this focalized point of perception. So, I see an object, I then sense my value, understanding, opinion of it and Thoughts about it. This perception though has an energy to it, it feels all pervasive, inescapable. Hard to describe.
Thank you love.

[Ilona]

yes, me is just an idea, a word pointing to other thoughts ABOUT me.

But looking deeper, I get a sense of me as this focalized point of perception.

look even deeper: is there really a focalized point of perception? what is at the center of it?

if you look at senses, they all come in through different channels that do not mix. you can not see sound or taste smell. and if you sit with eyes closed and listen to distant sounds, where are they heard? is there a hearer? is there just the heard? or if you taste something, is there a taster or just experience of taste?

tell me, in experienced, is there an experiencer?
take a good look through the day and write what you notice.

much love.

[Cindy]

No, actually it does not have a center. It is all Pervasive and inescapable, this perception with my particular flavor, or ideas that are the in fact illusory thoughts about said object.

When lookIng at the senses, hearing seems to happen in a field outside of the body. The same place where thoughts and ideas occur. But there isn't a hearer. Only hearing happening. Same with taste, only taste happening. Delightful!!

I didn't get this one at first about experiencing. I asked myself the question throughout the day, and on the third or fourth time. I got it what you were pointing to. Yes! Only experience happening, at this very moment, at all times, moment to moment. Isn't that what is meant by the eternal now?

Later on in the day , I noticed an old memory floating through, strangely I noticed that my personal sad story about the memory did not accompany it. There was no emotional draw pulling me into the sad story. It had a matter of fact feel to it, placing no blame. :))

Thank you Ilona <3

tell me, in experienced, is there an experiencer?
take a good look through the day and write what you notice.

much love.[/quote]

[Ilona]

sweet!
what is the i that is referred to in the post?

sending love.

[Cindy]

Hello Ilona,
Wow, still trying to grasp all this. I mean, it brought on some questions in me, like how does anything I see in the world, aside from nature, occur without the me. As well as new ways of seeing conflict, people fighting about imaginary Me's. How funny! If people only knew! Yet I can see that even with having new insight about this imaginary me, In most ways, this me still continues to operates as usual. Thoughts, judgements, opinions, fear arising.
I Had a dream last night that I'd caught a gigantic fish on my line, I had it, then realized how big it was, and the struggle I was going to have in reeling it in, accompanied by the fear of losing it during the struggle. How symbolic. As this it exactly what came up for me today. Fear of losing this insight. And I find myself wanting to review this conversation, so that I don't lose this insight.
Thank you Ilona.
Love to you.

[Ilona]

Nice dream :) thanks for sharing it. Don't worry about loosing it, once you see it it can not be unseen. Same way as no one can convince you that Santa is actualy real :)

Try to answer my previous question- what is that I that is referred in your posts.

And before you answer, do this exercise:
http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/201 ... s.html?m=1

Tell me how it went and what you learned from it.

Lots of love.

[Cindy]

Wonderful excersize, Thank you.
During first part of the excersize I became tired and weary half way through, and kept looking at the time waiting for it to end. Then with second part, I noticed that I'd only written half the words, because of the stillness that was there between sentences and wanting to rest in it for awhile, before moving on to the next sentence. Became very relaxed in the process, but not tired. Labels describe experience, and affect it in such a way that detracts from the stillness. There is great freedom in not claiming ownership in the experience. When perceiving in this way, it appears everything is automatic, like the heartbeating. Refreshing, wonderful. Thank you again, and more please!
So in answer to the the question about the I being referred to, that is difficult to answer now that I've just completed the above excersize. Before I felt there were two experiences going on, yet now I see there is one, with this other stuff that I see as me arising in it. Does that make any sense?

With gratitude.

[Cindy]

However vague, there is a sense of that.
:))))

[Ilona]

Great, keep staring at it.
The I is just part of a label, that we use to label action. But take a look, is there anything there, behind that label. What do you see?

Sending love.