I am me, I am, I. Nothing. Guidance?

[Nameless]

Urge to look straight. Knowing there isn't any me/mine/I existing. Short flashes of no-one is walking, blackouts in everydaylife, stories have been seen only stories. Known in childhood everything is one, lost it and went into this "lifestory -living". Many seekingpaths, came to this forum just because.. Where else? :)

[Patrick]

Welcome Nameless, do you have also a First name?

Let’s start with looking at what is real.

Could you give an example of direct experience?
Do you see the difference between a thought and the content of a thought ?

Warm regards,
Patrick

[Nameless]

Thanks Patrick for answering. You can call me Maisie.
Direct experiences in "normal/practical life" have been e.g. by walking. Didn't find any I doing it, just walking. No thoughts, head was empty :) of thinking, moving was light and easy, no need to decide anything, just move existed. I have also been in some situations, which I gathered out afterwards: there where ice and snow falling from a roof just above me. I suddenly avoid them, as matter of fact I realized my body was moving away from it before I even "figured out" falling things in any way. Same kind of thing happened in traffic with car. Both just happened, there wasn't anybody home then :) My first direct experiencing was some years ago in meditation, "I" just melt away and there was nothing. Since then "I" was observing thoughts/feelings and I realized this life is only story of minds, nothing real. Since silent retreat participating a while ago, "I" wasn't even there anymore observing. Everything just is.
Difference btw thought and content of it? I dont see it. Thoughts just come and go.
BR,
Maisie

[Patrick]

Hi Maisie,

Difference btw thought and content of it? I don’t see it. Thoughts just come and go.

How do you know that the content of a thought is useful , referring to something real or just a story like you tell in your first message?

About direct experience:
The five senses are direct experience. There is just ‘sensing’ , ‘seeing’, ‘tasting’, ‘hearing’, ‘smelling’.
An example: First there is sensing and a knowing of this sensing at the same time, then a thought comes in with a label that it is felt in the knee. Then a feeling follows with ‘this is unpleasant’. A thought follows ‘I have to scratch there’. And so on.

Have a look at this direct experience of the senses and see when a thought containing ‘I’, ‘me’ or ‘mine’ appears.

[Nameless]

Thanks Patrick,
thoughts are rarely useful, somehow doing happens anyway, thoughts come later. Useful thoughts appear time of now, they are not referring past or future. Useful thoughts are without emotional loading, without explaining, comparing, complaining, accusing. Thought "it's raining, take umbrella" might be useful, but it is still late of action :) Thoughts of "nowhere" / not useful all come somehow from fear, from mind, which is afraid to loose its job. This is only an image, thoughts just appear and vanish. I must say, I had this thoughtdenial -idea a while ago, just reaction to this thoughtmill I was doing many many years. Nowadays thoughts are there, nothing special but accepted.
About direct experience. Thanks for focusing! Sensing for example. I was pushing a car away from another. I stood there between two vehicles. I sensed pressure by doing the pushing and then it located in left leg, name came, it is pain, thought "is it injuring, not so bad pain, be careful". I know it was in "my body" but somehow it just was, nothing to do with me -idea. Some years ago, this "story" would have been SO different :)

I am going to place where internet might be impossible, if not hearing from me, at least sunday evening I will answer.
BR,
Maisie

[Patrick]

Do you need an ‘I’, ‘me’ for living?

[Nameless]

No.

[Patrick]

What do you expect from liberation?

[Patrick]

Knowing there isn't any me/mine/I existing

Is this only knowing or do you also see this directly?

[Nameless]

I do not expect anything. What is liberation anyway? From what? Something that is not true anyhow? It is only seeing what is, without stories and "me"corrupting it, reality. I am same as reality. I came here knowing me is a story like any thought, I assume you would help me to make sure, do I see it :) But, referring to my earlier texts, I would say, I see it.

[Patrick]

Could you answer the 5 final questions.
1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
3) How does it feel to see this?
4) How would you describe it to somebody who is very interested, but has never heard about this illusion.
5) What made you look, to see it?

This is the standard procedure for the confirmation by other LU guides that you already see it. If they are not convinced they will ask some more questions.
At least three other guides have to confirm this.
Will this be enough for you to make this sure ? ;-)

[Nameless]

1. No, illusion was.
2. We born here "blank", empty of mind, there is no me. In childhood we are raised and including this parents are shaping and environment is encouraged to "improve" our self-image in good purpose, but loading a gun actually without telling instructions to unload it. We got our name, social security number, we are constantly defined by adjectives and nouns to tell us, what kind of persons we are. Individuality is, or has been a great value past decades, which has been built up this illusion of separate self too. Comparing with others and competitive atmosphere are these ingredients of self-soup too. Recompensing to "be individual and special" is there included. Socially there is this "you cope, manage, be your own master".
Separate self gives you the illusion of me, isolates you from others, straight looking and direct experiencing. It makes thoughts and feelings "your owns", gives them power (is giving by this illusion teaching) to impact to your life. It makes you to believe you are master of your life (and the universe in some cases) and can decide everything includes in it. Actually separate self "gives" nothing, it is illusion too. Separate self cares only his/her own business, until proven guilty :) Maybe separate self was necessary in some point of evolution, who knows.
3. First relief, then ridiculous :) funny. Clear and "that 's what it always has been or not actually."
4. Maybe from another concept, like home? Where is home if house or walls aren't there? Home is only concept of some feelings and thoughts. If you look without thinking and separating everything meaninfull from it, it is only walls. Home is in your head. Everything is in your head. Concept me is the mother of concepts. And when you have seen it, even flashes, you will be seeing it again. Me is not real, only story of holy trinity, body/mind/soul or /and thoughts/feelings/images.
5. Curiosity eventually in here. In "real life" had no choice :)
Eventually I do not need any confirmation though it would be ok. This was fun, made look even more strictly.

BR,
Maisie

[Iida]

Hi Maisie,

You write very clearly, but I have a few questions for you. You wrote a lot in past tense.

Could you please write in length how the shift you experienced affects or shows in your everyday life, describe how your everyday experience is nowadays?
Can you recall in any way when or how this shift happened and how that FELT and what you thought right then, realizing something changed?
Have you read a lot or watched many videos on this subject? Did you instantly know what's happening

So please ramble on these questions in length. Open this up as much as you can.

Love,
MarieSophie

[Iida]

"Have you read a lot or watched many videos on this subject? Did you instantly know what's happening"

I mean, when you realized something has shifted, did you know what it was?
How has your FELT experience pf emotions, thoughts etc. changed?

Hope you won't mind me bothering you with so many questions... :) Please try to answer all of them.

[Nameless]

Hello, thanks for asking more :)
Maybe it is my english, this tense thing. I write what is coming up, no interest to check much. Time is nothing. I start from the latest. Why should I mind? Who is bothering who? :)

No many videos of this, is there some? Not much reading either, years ago yes. My searching time is long, about 10 years. I have known this, we are all one/everything is that for long time, so, when it happened it did not move the mountain or crack my world in anyway. Maybe I even not recognized it at first, but then it was crystal clear, everything just was. I was laying in sofa, woke up in sunshine and: everything was in present tense. IN "blueish" some like transparent. It is difficult to describe it. Feeling was peace, stagnation, there wasn't any "feelings" actually first, then (just like I wrote it) joy, relief, laughing happened, I cried too. Thoughts came: should I call someone? Tell about this? But I didn't. It was not important, nothing was. I looked things in room, in this blueish stagnation was only.. nothing/everything at same time. In body there was like some numb muscles and this tingling in toes. Breathing was deep, silence and peace everywhere.

But, my everyday life is same as it was before, so it looks like anyway, from surface. Maybe my body language has been changed, I do not rush into things. My thinking has decreased earlier, so there is not actually nothing much to tell. Now I must please you, somehow, to be honest :) All experiencing is in a moment of now, sensitivity to all has increased somehow. This is just a thought. No planning made, maybe some practical things, no feeling disappointment, frustration (they come up, but not focusing in them) or thoughts of "I must cope, carry out, I must keep focusing". Memory has it own fun points: my working memory seem to be "elsewhere" than it was earlier, I must have this "Wait a while, I call up this thing" to remember some conversations. Meeting people is easy, this hasn't changed. I don't "have to" be anywhere, to make impression or to represent me. It is easy to say, "I am not interested", be clear to communicate and talk straight. There is anyone to please :))) Anywhere :)))
Hope I caught all your questions.
BR,
Maisie