The Gate

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
Intellectually No Ego, there is awareness with clarity, something like knowing, but no one is behind this knowing. What arises in me when someone pushes so-called "my " buttons, is like a habitual pattern, I have this reaction so many times, so that is going out of "me" automatically, at the same time somehow "I " knows what is going on.

What are you looking for at LU?
This" I "doesn't want to go away, 'I" wants to get rid of "I". Or verification that I am close to rid of it, I struggle 10 years with meditation, mindfulness, calm abiding, chanting, and early morning practices, still I am not there, where "I" dissolves

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
To see and never go back again to this "I", and finally to be able to stop suffering. Can not find a way to look at it. Few times I had an experience of the transcendental truth?, an overwhelming joy deep in my heart meeting the self without self, but I can not go back there as hard I try, I've seen this "No I", but again not alone -merging with the Guru's mind. There is have to have a way to go back there, to stop wanting, as even now this is the desire too, Ego desire for enlightenment.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I am a Buddhist at the Vajrayana path -Dzogchen-Great Perfection, madly in love in the perception for my Teacher, and with a broken heart. I am doing different meditation practices, prostrations(lately), rituals, a little bit of chanting, mindfulness all day long. Before that books, seminars for more than 20 years, searching: is that all? Life can not be that sprint for desire fulfillment, must be something more...

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

Hello and welcome to Liberation Unleashed!
My name is Ron and I'll be happy to guide you through your inquiry if you'd like.

For the duration of this inquiry, please let go of all books, youtube videos and the likes related to enlightenment, spiritual search, personal growth, or even reading other threads, it will only add confusion.

We are going to be exploring beliefs, and so you don’t need to believe anything I say, quite the contrary, you have to verify everything I point to experimentally.

The key ingredients are honesty and curiosity. Please post daily, and if you can't or need more time, just let me know.

Agreed?

This "I" doesn't want to go away, 'I" wants to get rid of "I". Or verification that I am close to rid of it, I struggle 10 years with meditation, mindfulness, calm abiding, chanting, and early morning practices, still I am not there, where "I" dissolves

Can an illusion get rid of an illusion?
here you are reading a novel and there is a character Rumiana. In the story she's had enough of all of this, and wants to end the story, she wants out into the world. When you put the story aside, what happens to the character Rumiana?

Few times I had an experience of the transcendental truth?, an overwhelming joy deep in my heart meeting the self without self..... have to have a way to go back there, to stop wanting

There can be glimpses or times of pure bliss or peace and love. However, no state is permanent, and the desire to go back there is going to stand in your way, it takes you from the moment into past and future thoughts, can you see how this will only keep you away?


And why is your heart broken?

blessings,
Ron

Hi Ronaldo,
Thank you for taking me on this journey with you.
Let's start backward, Why my heart is broken?
"Me " use to believe that real love exists and was searching in the face of the men to find the perfect partner, and has decided that this is my Teacher. So passing true different experiences with him, when he stopped giving me any attention- at least visible for my 5 senses, I start felt sorrow, Now before my love starts it already ends.

Can illusion get rid of illusion -No. If you don't see the emptiness of your existence how you be in this state of mind all the time. This is what "I "am looking for.
I have understand-when my mind mingles with Guru's mind - that everything is empty but deep in me I always doubt, did I see it or it is still intellectual understanding only? How I know for sure?
What happens to the character Rumiana - No such thing as Rumiana character- this so-called character is constantly evolving changing, I can not find it if I look for it, this should be a construction of my mind. Somehow this is a habit believe that what I am doing, thinking, feeling-it must be me:)

"However, no state is permanent, and the desire to go back there is going to stand in your way, it takes you from the moment into past and future thoughts, can you see how this will only keep you away?"
I had a concept in my mind that being enlightened -there is no returning back and you are in a constant state of emptiness with awareness clarity- may be is deep relaxation-clear mind, doing without doing the things with ease.
I just had a small glimpse of it right before see your message - coming back from one place to another. it is like: You don't walk, you don't aim for the final destination, you are.

I see yes, this ambitious wanting like there is something there that can be achieved is keep me away. Maybe it should be exactly the opposite, you give up and everything is coming at his place.
Thank you Ron

Hi Rumiana,

Thanks for your replies!

First, to make our thread more readable, I'd like to ask you to learn to use the quote function around my questions when answering.
You simply select the text and click the “Quote" button above the text edit field
For a demo see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fAToDNh9hQ

Another point is that if your reply is long, it safer to type it in a text editor first, there have been many cases where the work got lost because of site issues or if you click back etc.

I might ask many questions, but you only need to answer the ones in color (I like blue).
OK done with administration :)

"Me " use to believe that real love exists and was searching in the face of the men to find the perfect partner, and has decided that this is my Teacher. So passing true different experiences with him, when he stopped giving me any attention- at least visible for my 5 senses, I start felt sorrow, Now before my love starts it already ends.

Thank you, this is here in the beginning of your inquiry, but we'll come back to this topic only at the very end, and we will!

I have understand-when my mind mingles with Guru's mind - that everything is empty but deep in me I always doubt, did I see it or it is still intellectual understanding only? How I know for sure?

My approach in guiding is very different than what you may have been accustomed to. There is a infinite mystery in what this is, but we are going to look at experience with open eyes, there is no fantasy and no magic powers. Waking up, realizing what you are not, is not some elevated state, you don't obtain anything, rather you lose something - a false belief. Waking up does not turn you into somebody special, rather it's a realization that you are nobody. When you get it you will know.

I had a concept in my mind that being enlightened -there is no returning back and you are in a constant state of emptiness with awareness clarity- may be is deep relaxation-clear mind, doing without doing the things with ease.

There may be times like these, but it's unlikely a permanent state. There are lots more expectations that are collected like jewels along the spiritual path. Unfortunately there is tons of spiritual marketing, deception, new-age nonsense and simple misunderstanding going around. If you've been on that trail for a long time, you may have picked up some of that baggage.
What we do here is to look at beliefs, are they true? No bullshit, no spiritual mambo-jumbo at all, it's direct looking at your actual experience and the only way to awaken from the dream. All these expectations and assumptions will really stand in the way of true realization, they are beliefs. Enlightenment occurs when there are no beliefs left, and in LU we start with just the first one - the belief in a self, there are many more beliefs and patterns left after that is seen.

I just had a small glimpse of it right before see your message - coming back from one place to another. it is like: You don't walk, you don't aim for the final destination, you are.

Yes, that's more like it! Forget about the destination, it's in the future, in thoughts, what is here now?
That's what this is all about. In the words of Lao Tzu, A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.


Do you feel any resistance to what I wrote above?
Would you like to see where this takes you?

Warmly,
Ron

Do you feel any resistance to what I wrote above?

No at all, for some reason "I" -here used for communication only, fed up, is sick and tired of so much baggage, and especially from too many expectations...Yes, yes
Yes, you say exactly what I was searching for MAGIC!!!

Maybe because of my disappointments in life, dissatisfaction, and then sorrow, brings me to this place, waiting for someone with magic power to wake me up, because this dream turned into a nightmare and I am afraid that is becoming darker and darker...
I am ready

Would you like to see where this takes you?

What you are waiting for?
If "I" does not exist, must be such a relief -no grasping, no desires, no waiting, no illusions, sounds like a calming and peaceful place to be, it feels like I am at the doorstep and just a breath away from it.

Can it at all "thank you", even describe how grateful I am for this gift to be able to share with you this burning desire To SEE, to go beyond, to open the Gateless GATE?
Regards Rumiana

Hi Rumiana,

I like your enthusiasm and willingness to look at your beliefs.

Yes, you say exactly what I was searching for MAGIC!!!

What I said was "we are going to look at experience with open eyes, there is no fantasy and no magic powers."
The only magic is life itself.

my disappointments in life, dissatisfaction, and then sorrow, brings me to this place, waiting for someone with magic power to wake me up, because this dream turned into a nightmare and I am afraid that is becoming darker and darker...

I have no magic powers, nobody has magic powers (but many want you to think they do).
So let's get this clear, if you want someone with magic powers you'll need to look elsewhere, but I think you already did that for many years? So may as well try something new?

Is there a me who is disappointed in life?
What is that notion of being disappointed located?
Who owns the disappointment?


As you know, LU is focused on seeing that there is no self standing apart from everything, no do-er, thinker, controller of life. In that respect,
What benefits do you expect from seeing no self?
What would stay the same?
What you do not want to happen?


Warmly,
Ron

Is there a me who is disappointed in life?
What is that notion of being disappointed located?
Who owns the disappointment?

Hi Ron,
Maybe this character Rumiana is disappointed - building air towers from expectations of how things should be, but then the reality is not matching, and by this spiritual role that she is playing, she wants to avoid facing the reality...expecting someone else to do the hard job for her...live life
So what I am doing, because of deep fear - hiding behind practices - to have less and less time to just be with life...

Disappointment is located nowhere, I was searching for it but I couldn't find it, it is more like a state of mind-feeling conditioned from the happening...

No one owns it, as our state is a matter of choice - can I choose just to be with it? Whatever happens, it is what it is?
Surrender - it already happens, can you do something to change it, no, so why not be in peace with it?

What benefits do you expect from seeing no self?
What would stay the same?
What you do not want to happen?

Benefits of no SELF - in my mind, I don't want to be responsible anymore for what is going on, to let it go, to stop controlling it, or at least thinking that things are under my control...to stop searching why things happen that way, to rest

Life will stay the SAME, just "me", this Rumiana will not involve the way it uses to be with it anymore, a different perspective, approach to LIFE, maybe?

My biggest fear -I don't want my son to die.

Ron,
Are you telling me that this so-called MAGIC - Transcendental TRUTH does not exist, but then what are these experiences that I had?
Thank you, thank you, thank you,

Hi dear Rumiana,

My biggest fear -I don't want my son to die.

Understand, but this has nothing to do with awakening, correct?

Are you telling me that this so-called MAGIC - Transcendental TRUTH does not exist, but then what are these experiences that I had?

There can be states with different perception and experience than what we consider the normal state, no arguments. It can be brought by certain chemicals and it can occur naturally. Even REM sleep is a state which is different and not at all understood. Some of these states may reveal truths, some may be delusional, or a mix. But no altered state is constant, none are permanent and certainly not controlled by you, I am sure you realize that and also how pointless it is to seek them, other than for a temporary pleasure, escape or perhaps deepening.
What's more, we can't go into such states with our inquiry, they aren't here now, they are in the past, and that past does not exist outside of the memory of them, the thoughts of them.

Maybe this character Rumiana is disappointed - building air towers from expectations of how things should be, but then the reality is not matching, and by this spiritual role that she is playing, she wants to avoid facing the reality...expecting someone else to do the hard job for her...live life
So what I am doing, because of deep fear - hiding behind practices - to have less and less time to just be with life...

This is such an honest description, thank you.
For this character Rumiana to be disappointed, there needs to be a Rumiana character actually existing.

Disappointment is located nowhere, I was searching for it but I couldn't find it, it is more like a state of mind-feeling conditioned from the happening...

When you look for the one disappointed, or the disappointment, what do you find? There is something you're missing.
Please bring up that thought, that frustration and look what can be found there besides the thoughts?

No one owns it, as our state is a matter of choice - can I choose just to be with it? Whatever happens, it is what it is?
Surrender - it already happens, can you do something to change it, no, so why not be in peace with it?

Yes, but the problem with this is that it's a logical/intellectual means of getting around the problem, the story way of dealing with the story. It doesn't realize that there is actually no problem at all. outside of the thought and the story.
Would there be any suffering at all without the thoughts?
And who has the thought? Is it you or is there nothing but another thought saying "this is my thought"?


Please sit down for a bit, and watch carefully:
What is there?

Sounds (from around you, from your body)
Sights (even if your eyes are closed)
sensations in the hands, arms, feet, head etc., weight of your body, maybe an itch..
smells (may be faint)
tastes (may be faint)
thoughts - these appear as words, images, sounds (a tune, a voice) and any of the senses. More often than not, thoughts appear in streams that tell stories about the past and future, what I should and shouldn't have done etc. Would you agree?

1. please provide one or more items that you noticed on each of these items.
2. Can you find anything else? Anything at all that isn't on the list?
Don't let anything escape because this list is all that is here to experience, so be very thorough.

warmly,
Ron

Hi Ron,

Please bring up that thought, that frustration, and look what can be found there besides the thoughts?

Well, from the contrast between thought and life / what's happening/ is arising that feeling - disappointment, the feeling is there.
But who owns it? What I think is: "I have this feeling", but this is a feeling on his own, and just another thought.

And who has the thought? Is it you or is there nothing but another thought saying "this is my thought"?

I am searching for this one that has it, but just some spacious void is behind. The thoughts, perceptions are just there, I can not be sure what will be the next thought, what will be the next feeling. "I" think that I think, and this is just 1 more thought.

1

. please provide one or more items that you noticed on each of these items.

Sounds (from around you, from your body)-
Sights (even if your eyes are closed)
sensations in the hands, arms, feet, head etc., weight of your body, maybe an itch..
smells (may be faint)
tastes (may be faint)
thoughts

I am not sure what should be this one more item, about the above 6 sense doors: 5 senses +mind ( thoughts).
They just work automatically, at the moment when there is a contact: for example sound arise and that's it, may be thought will arise too afterwards - labeling the sound, than may be image of the object that is producing the sound will appear in my mind, and so on, or they will arise all at once, and all this will happen without need of this I to interfere

It is like mindfulness meditation, you are with the form, senses, than feelings, thoughts and finally with all around you, like you are becoming one with it, is that what you mean, about don't let anything to escape?

2

.Can you find anything else? Anything at all that isn't on the list?

Yes, I can say that there is a sensation of an energy field sometimes when I am in meditation state, it is easily to sense it.
And there is still this sense of observer, someone that is noticing all this how it works, but which, however, I can release, cut, let it go.

Now, my question to noone

What if all this struggle -spiritual efforts are in vain, at the end of the race -no reward, maybe "I" am expecting the enlightenment to be a reward -the fruit. Although I have heard that there is nothing to achieve and this is fruitless fruit.

So what is life without purpose, direction, goal, dream even?

What if this spiritual path is almost near to its end and this "I" just doesn't want to see it?

Rumiana

Dear Rumiana,

Ron: Please bring up that thought, that frustration, and look what can be found there besides the thoughts?

Rumiana: Well, from the contrast between thought and life / what's happening/ is arising that feeling - disappointment, the feeling is there.

Yes, what is that feeling of disappointment made of?
Notice the thoughts but also the sensations, perhaps a contraction in the throat, a tightening around the mouth, eyes or somewhere else.

But who owns it? What I think is: "I have this feeling", but this is a feeling on his own, and just another thought

You cannot dismiss emotions with "they are just emotions happening to nobody", and not even "it's just a thought and a body sensation" which is true, but it doesn't work like that, that is called bypassing. Each belief needs to be seen and unwind, released. We'll explore that in a bit.


With exercises I'm not asking trick questions, no koans, they are simple and meant to get an experimental realization, rather than a thought process.
So when you sit and observe what is there, you find the 5 senses and you find thoughts.
Everything else that you find are more thoughts and sensations, thoughts about thoughts, and thoughts about the sensations.


I know you have been around the path for a long time, and you know and understand a lot of this, but you also have many beliefs and assumptions that were added along the way. Could you accept the idea of starting fresh and looking at the world with simplicity, without magic, without energy fields or special states? These are all concepts that take you away from this simple moment into fantasy land, there will not be waking up when you are deep in story. So I ask you to please bear with me, it will not be long, and it will be clear.

Unlike learning where you build an understanding through thinking and reasoning, here we look. Looking is really simple, yet not so simple, we spent most of our lives learning by thinking, so it would help to clarify this point.
1) Looking is always done right now, at this very moment, e.g. it cannot be based on memory.
2) it’s being aware of sound, taste, smell, sensation and colors (images) to see what is really present - actual experience.
3) In addition to these sense perceptions, we are also noticing thoughts - not thinking, but noticing all thoughts as they appear. Thought content will pull you away from looking directly, but by continuous and steady looking you will inevitably unveil the trick they play in creating the illusion of an "I".
The content of thoughts is an imagined reality, think about your last meal, the thought is here, but the food isn't. That is why this inquiry can never ever be achieved via thinking and learning, and that is why the long and winding spiritual seeking effort is mostly futile.


So back to the sitting and looking what is there.
Isn't an "energy field" a sensation with a thought tag "this is an energy field"?
What is an energy field if not a concept made of thoughts? Is there a new type of sense to tell an energy field?
These are rhetorical questions, I hope you see the simplicity in this.

The "sense of observer" - break it down, what is in your direct experience? (not thoughts content)
What is this sense of observer made of?
Can you find sensations that are tagged as "me" and thoughts of "me"?
Look very carefully, please describe every little thought and sensation you found when sensing the observer.

What if all this struggle -spiritual efforts are in vain, at the end of the race -no reward, maybe "I" am expecting the enlightenment to be a reward -the fruit. Although I have heard that there is nothing to achieve and this is fruitless fruit.

If you can stop, stop. But can you? Do you have any control of this process?
Nothing is lost but false ideas, concepts, beliefs. Seeing the self illusion is not the end of the road, it's more of a beginning.

So what is life without purpose, direction, goal, dream even?

It is exactly the same as it is right now, and has always been.
Are you now in control of your life purpose, direction and setting of goals?
When the illusion is seen clearly, nothing will change, everything will keep happening and evolving as it has been.
There is already no Rumiana running the show, only thoughts stories about Rumiana running the show.

How does that feel?

warmly,
Ron

Dear Ron,

Isn't an "energy field" a sensation with a thought tag "this is an energy field"?

Yes, Ron! Absolutely, it is just another sensation with a thought tag!

I feel like, for the first time, I really look at it, look really look, and to be honest I couldn't find anything, anything at all!

What is this sense of observer made of?
Can you find sensations that are tagged as "me" and thoughts of "me"?

The sense of the observer is made of is just another thought, "me", being the observer part- again it is a thought.

I looked and looked and looked, trying to find anything, anything at all...

I've Looked very carefully, in order to find every little thought and sensation about the observer.
NOOP no one is there, and I cry and I cry, it is such a relief!

I wanna shout it out loud: NO ONE IS RUNNING THE SHOW.
No captain in the plain, hahaha
Like tones and tones of heaviness were removed from my back.

O, It is so quiet place to be, peacefully, warm, like in a temple, you are sitting alone and it is so nice, serenity, everything stops and not at the same time. There is awareness, but emptiness at the same time. Like I am floating over a very, very lazy river and everything is floating with me, but without "me"

O, Ron, how was possible to never really look, so far.
In fact, I was never looking, no matter of all these instructions I had and so many efforts!!!
Now I understand, why my Guru was saying, it is so close, so simple, that you miss it! And it was always there, always!!!

No words to describe my relief,
No words to describe my gratitude,
No words what so ever,

Although Thank you, thank you, thank you Ron!!!
Warmest possible regards,
Rumiana that is not running the show, I love it, this was a masterpiece!

Dear Rumiana,
It's such a pleasure to read your reply, beautiful!
Thanks for the lovely compliments! It's of course you-nobody who was able to look with complete honesty and reveal what has always been there. Yes, it makes you want to cry and laugh and cry and laugh 😅

Below is what we call "final questions", it doesn't mean we end the dialogue, but it will give me a good idea where you stand and what is left - if anything. As I promised, we're still going to talk more about the first item on your thread.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience.

3) How does it feel to see this?

What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

5a. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
5b. What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.

6) Anything to add?

warmly,
Ron

Dear Ron,
I can sense this will be long:)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape, or form?
Was there ever?

No, there isn't a separate self, as harder, I look for it, as bigger becoming the hole in the wall. No one is there and never has been anyone. Now I understand why Rigpa was compared with a sky, no form - it is so vast, spacious place to be -no end no beginning..
This entity never existed, it was like an amalgam of thoughts, beliefs, mental construction, perceptions, that were pointing to this character, Ego, Rumiana.

2) Share in your own words what the illusion of a separate self is and how it shows up inexperience.

This illusion of separate self is just a mental construction, to be honest, now I can not find words, but I can give an example from today: I have made a very funny mistake and I call my boss with the name of my ex-husband than all the office lay on the floor laughing at me, and "I" was laughing even more than them -but inside there wasn't even slightest thought about "me" doing it, if it was before, I would laugh again, but deep I will suffer that I have ruined my prestige with such a stupid mistake in front of everyone and even I will say something in excuse-that was the "me", Rumiana, before. It was so liberating in a way. So it feels like freedom and peace with yourself, sort of speaking.

This illusion of self is something that is real till you see the opposite, it has his own life, opinion, fights, etc.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?

Life is the same, Life happens, I still have the same shitty boss, office without light and sun, and thousands of duties at home, but it is quiet in me, not from thoughts, I do have thoughts, it is quiet and peaceful like you are in the park and sitting on a bench. Sure I am not always in this dzen state, but I don't mind whatever comes my way -this is a difference, nothing jump inside me if someone is bad to me, "I" still sense feelings, but no one owns them, strange.

What is the difference: It is not about me anymore, just IT IS!

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

The last bit, was your question:

How does that feel? There is no Rumiana running the show

It was like someone pulls the rack under my feet, ooo if there is no Rumiana, then who is there? And I looked for the first time like I was never looked at before. What a surprise-no one was there>!<

5a. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice, and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences of how things happen and how things work.
5b. What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences of how this works.

5a. decision: it is a thought-I will do...whatever,
intention: it is more like a mix of thought and emotion;
free will -haha - it is more like to be or not to be, but life will be with or without you, your free will is determinate from the conditions, like a seed you can have it but if you don't plant it and you don't have the right conditions, it will never grow up
choice- sure you can eat that chocolate, the choice is predetermined from your previous actions and everything that consists of your life now, so I can not choose to be 20 again, right?
control - you are not in control of anything, even your own body - can you stop fear inside you when someone holds your head under the water? No such thing as control, this is coming from someone that used to be a control-freak, but life teaches me...
Things just happen, right conditions, right intention, and right actions in the right moment, and still, you never know, what may go wrong.
I have a very good example and a simple one: I was in the UK visiting my sister and I really wanted to see London, but I haven't planned anything in advance. Then suddenly from nowhere, I am getting a message from a friend of mine that is leaving in Germany for more than 20 years, that she is in London during the same period and her husband had decided at the last min. that will not travel with her, so she has a free bed in the hotel, imagine now...I had all that I wanted without a single effort, just the intention to see London.
And I can give many opposite examples...

5b. "I" do not exist so who can be responsible?
But the character Rumiana would say I am responsible for all and for nothing, I am responsible for how I choose to look at life, but this will not change it, I am responsible for how I respond to life, and not to hurt others if this is in my power.
What example to give all my beliefs are pointless now...

6)Anything to add?

Probably Ron is tired if he has read it till the end, but I have a question for him, how you overcome the desire for sweets?
I see that there is no me, but the habits are so strong, so how you overcome them?

Warmest regards and sweet dreams,
Rumiana that is not running the show

Thank you for your wonderful (and pretty funny) replies!
Sorry about your boss..
Of course I read it till the end 😀

how you overcome the desire for sweets?

Ah! desire and aversion are an interesting topic, beyond the scope of LU, but I am happy to discuss this with you and point you in the right direction.
For now, try this:
Say you're about to eat some chocolate or other delight... take it out and place it in front of you.
Smell it, look at it... but don't eat it :)
Soon the desire will arise... but watch it like a hawk...
Feel any body sensations that arise -
Observe the thoughts that tell you why you should eat it (shitty boss, I deserve it, bad day comes to mind)
Stay with the sensation - look at it without judgment, let it be there!

More to come :)
much love
Ron

Dear Rumiana,
I submitted your replies to see if other guides would like to confirm or have additional questions.
Congratulations on realizing what you are not! It has been a genuine pleasure to explore the concept of the separate self with you. Thank you for being so open and willing to look.

Keep an eye out for an email notification from the forum inviting you to join our aftercare groups on Facebook. Your username has changed from green to blue which indicates that you have had the realization of there being no separate self. This thread will be moved to the ‘Archive’ section of the forum, and you will be able to access it with the same link as your thread.

I enjoyed so much your beautiful awakening, not wanting to spoil it with internationalization, but let's take a look at a couple of your answers.

The illusion of the self, you had no words, and that is the best description. What you can also notice is mostly thoughts about self and sensations tagged as self, so just keep noticing how the story of me arises with these and how they continue showing up.

You said that "the choice is predetermined from your previous actions" It can seem that way, but clearly choice is made even when there is no previous pattern - lift a hand, who chose to lift the left or right? If this is not super clear, let's investigate!

Finally, lets talk about love :)
We can do it here, or in a new thread.

blessings ❤️️,
Ron