hide and seek
Posted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:38 pm
LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
Something that overlays experience, dulling it by keeping experience steps removed from the expansiveness that it hides. The “self” takes credit for both good or bad, anything is grist for stamping “I” on experience. Calling “self” thought, or belief makes sense to me.
What are you looking for at LU?
I am tantalized by the opportunity to converse with another human being in the form of the conversations in the Gateless Gatecrashers. How thrilling to have the illusion relentlessly pried apart. I have glimpses of the absence of “self” continually, but until I read your literature, I did not have as clear an image of what is happening. I want to pass through the gate and have permission to participate in the online discussions—or at least read them.
What do you expect from a guided conversation?
An opportunity to rake away resistance and confusion. It seems like the “self” finds its way to claim most of this life.
I’d really like a clearer look at how that happens. And I would like, naturally, a permanent freeing from “self”. At my age I had kinda given up on that hope.
What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Oh boy, life story here. Presently age 73. At age 19 took a
huge dose of LSD with the intention to “know God and see Truth” (it was billed as something that could make that happen). I was a punky rebellious atheist at the time, though my grandparents had helped build a Christian revivalist seed early on. So much happened during that LSD trip. The memory is so fresh in my mind, and as the years go by I reflect on it more and more. I have studied many spiritual forms, but that trip remains always the acid test for me as to what constitutes spiritual truth.
First I died, a scary and painful death. After surrendering to death I still existed and I saw that the question of “is there a God or not” is hilarious since there can’t be anything but God. It’s all God. I laughed at the joke that we are able to forget that reality so long and hard that my stomach muscles were sore for days. This human life is where God has gone to sleep. I saw my personal life as a crusty hazy act of futility and ignorance, crazy, and ridiculous but harmless. I regretted ever learning language because I could see how it covered up the brilliant shining beauty of existence.
Jesus, Mohamed and Buddha were hanging out together in a green field, and they welcomed me as the innocent guileless being I had momentarily become. I said to them, “We have to tell them!!” Meaning humanity really could benefit from knowing this stuff. They smiled and said, “We did.” And of course this was true and I saw how hollow ordinarily our understanding is of the ideas conveyed in scripture. How empty the words can be without the corresponding spirit to realize what they mean. I loved all and everything. I couldn’t relate to any attachment I had previously had for anything. I realized that I would be quite willing to give my boots (most precious possession at the time) to anyone who might want them.
Next day I was back to square one, uptight, selfish, and dull, dull, dull. I decided to pursue a way to realize this again without drugs. Not that I’m against drugs so much as that they come with uncomfortable effects which I haven’t bothered to describe here. Especially don’t look forward to going through the “death” experience again.
So I read In Search of the Miraculous, can’t say I understood much. Lived in a tent in the mountains, Got initiated into Transcendental Meditation, then Nichiren Buddhism. Started chanting for a proper master to show me the way. Got a voice in my head saying “Go to San Francisco”. Went there, met Chiranjiva Roy, an Indian in his mid fifties (I was 21) He was an incarnation of Siva, rapping all day and night
Divine revelation, drinking, drugs, sex, rock and roll, parties, as many babies as adults, became his 5th wife out of 9. Experienced ecstatic moments and hellish moments as one of Siva’s hords. Yes, perhaps as Siva’s whore too. I was willing to do whatever it took to stay as close to that fire (of knowledge) as I could. Chiranjiva died in 1980. Went back to school, got masters in psychology, thought I would be a therapist, after all the training realized I still knew nothing. Got a Job in a city office. Kept reading spiritual books, advaita. Took up the study of A Course in Miracles through a local reading group. Now at the same time I am taking mediation training from the local Shambhala center.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11
Something that overlays experience, dulling it by keeping experience steps removed from the expansiveness that it hides. The “self” takes credit for both good or bad, anything is grist for stamping “I” on experience. Calling “self” thought, or belief makes sense to me.
What are you looking for at LU?
I am tantalized by the opportunity to converse with another human being in the form of the conversations in the Gateless Gatecrashers. How thrilling to have the illusion relentlessly pried apart. I have glimpses of the absence of “self” continually, but until I read your literature, I did not have as clear an image of what is happening. I want to pass through the gate and have permission to participate in the online discussions—or at least read them.
What do you expect from a guided conversation?
An opportunity to rake away resistance and confusion. It seems like the “self” finds its way to claim most of this life.
I’d really like a clearer look at how that happens. And I would like, naturally, a permanent freeing from “self”. At my age I had kinda given up on that hope.
What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Oh boy, life story here. Presently age 73. At age 19 took a
huge dose of LSD with the intention to “know God and see Truth” (it was billed as something that could make that happen). I was a punky rebellious atheist at the time, though my grandparents had helped build a Christian revivalist seed early on. So much happened during that LSD trip. The memory is so fresh in my mind, and as the years go by I reflect on it more and more. I have studied many spiritual forms, but that trip remains always the acid test for me as to what constitutes spiritual truth.
First I died, a scary and painful death. After surrendering to death I still existed and I saw that the question of “is there a God or not” is hilarious since there can’t be anything but God. It’s all God. I laughed at the joke that we are able to forget that reality so long and hard that my stomach muscles were sore for days. This human life is where God has gone to sleep. I saw my personal life as a crusty hazy act of futility and ignorance, crazy, and ridiculous but harmless. I regretted ever learning language because I could see how it covered up the brilliant shining beauty of existence.
Jesus, Mohamed and Buddha were hanging out together in a green field, and they welcomed me as the innocent guileless being I had momentarily become. I said to them, “We have to tell them!!” Meaning humanity really could benefit from knowing this stuff. They smiled and said, “We did.” And of course this was true and I saw how hollow ordinarily our understanding is of the ideas conveyed in scripture. How empty the words can be without the corresponding spirit to realize what they mean. I loved all and everything. I couldn’t relate to any attachment I had previously had for anything. I realized that I would be quite willing to give my boots (most precious possession at the time) to anyone who might want them.
Next day I was back to square one, uptight, selfish, and dull, dull, dull. I decided to pursue a way to realize this again without drugs. Not that I’m against drugs so much as that they come with uncomfortable effects which I haven’t bothered to describe here. Especially don’t look forward to going through the “death” experience again.
So I read In Search of the Miraculous, can’t say I understood much. Lived in a tent in the mountains, Got initiated into Transcendental Meditation, then Nichiren Buddhism. Started chanting for a proper master to show me the way. Got a voice in my head saying “Go to San Francisco”. Went there, met Chiranjiva Roy, an Indian in his mid fifties (I was 21) He was an incarnation of Siva, rapping all day and night
Divine revelation, drinking, drugs, sex, rock and roll, parties, as many babies as adults, became his 5th wife out of 9. Experienced ecstatic moments and hellish moments as one of Siva’s hords. Yes, perhaps as Siva’s whore too. I was willing to do whatever it took to stay as close to that fire (of knowledge) as I could. Chiranjiva died in 1980. Went back to school, got masters in psychology, thought I would be a therapist, after all the training realized I still knew nothing. Got a Job in a city office. Kept reading spiritual books, advaita. Took up the study of A Course in Miracles through a local reading group. Now at the same time I am taking mediation training from the local Shambhala center.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11