The Gate

I need a guide. I am ready to get started. Mary.

Hi Mary

Welcome to LU!

As you’ve probably worked out, the process is one of self-inquiry where I pose questions that ask you to look within, investigate and report back your findings. To be effective, three things are needed: 100% honesty on your part, a willingness on your part to leave all of your long-established beliefs behind you as you enquire and courage: it’s not always easy to dismantle the known and comfortable, but the inquiry will get nowhere if you’re not prepared to do that. OK with you?

Tell me how you came here and what your expectation are of the process you're about to start

Mike

Hello Mike, Thank you so much for being my guide! A friend of mine awakened and told me about LU. I think that this is so amazing that people are awakening this way. I have been seeking connection with God since a very young age. Recently have been very attracted to The Course in Miracles and Eckhart Tolle. Quit seeking because my life didn't seem to improve in the way I wanted. Lately I work on stuff that comes up for me. Have been letting go of attachments and noticing energy, how people and places effect me. I've been reading others experiences of no-self the past couple of weeks and I'm not sure what to expect. I hope for more joy in my life, to be clearer on my purpose, for more fulfilling experiences. I have fear about loosing the self; that I'll cease to exist or that I won't be able to take care of myself. Maybe this will give you something to work with. Look forward to hearing from you, Mary

Hi Mary
Thank for your post. That was a very clear introduction, and very helpful. It is a pleasure to assist

A friend of mine awakened and told me about LU. I think that this is so amazing that people are awakening this way. I have been seeking connection with God since a very young age. Recently have been very attracted to The Course in Miracles and Eckhart Tolle.

I want to be very clear that this is not a spiritual endeavour. The outcome of the inquiry may well bring awareness of the infinite, but the inquiry is not spiritual and certainly not religious. It is an inquiry to find the truth of who you are. It is really important to put any existing beliefs aside as they will obscure that inquiry. The fact that you study ACIM and Eckhart Tolle is of no consequence to the dialog we will have together and you may find it helpful to put both aside until the inquiry process is concluded.

I'm not sure what to expect. I hope for more joy in my life, to be clearer on my purpose, for more fulfilling experiences.

Every expectation you might have will be an expectation of your mind. The goal is Truth realization, not to achieve joy, bliss, happiness or any other temporary state. Have no expectations but an openness to whatever Truth brings{quote]I have fear about loosing the self; that I'll cease to exist or that I won't be able to take care of myself.

This is a common belief, occasioned by reading or hearing too many over-dramatised accounts of those in the “guru industry” Statements like “dying before you die” and nihilistic accounts of “what it all means” tell everything about those who say or write those things and nothing of the Truth. My experience is one of profound gain, not loss.

Mary, the first thing I'd like you to look at is the difference between what is real and what is not. I would like you to take a walk outside and, as you walk list down those things that, to you are real. Tell me what those real things are and why you believe them to be real. Then, when you’re somewhere quiet consider those things that you encounter every day but which are not real. List down those things which seem to exist, but which are un-real. Tell me why they are unreal

To help, I’m going to say that your senses of touch, sight, hearing, taste and smell directly input aspects of reality for you to experience. If a hand touches a car, then the sensation of touch can reassure you that the car is real and not a figment of your imagination. But if I see a car in a brochure but can’t directly touch or see that car, then the car in the brochure is not real – there is no direct experience of the car - the picture in the brochure is an illusion. For our purposes, the definition of “illusionary” just means we have misunderstood what something is in actuality, that something we perceive isn't what we think it is.

Have fun :-)

Mike

Hello Mike.
When I go outside the things of nature seem real. The plants, trees, ground, etc. Also three demensional man made objects such as cars, sidewalks and trash seem real. I see all these things and can touch them to prove that they are real. The breeze I think is real because I can feel it on my skin. When I go inside the house I know that the images on the television or the computer are not real, that they are made through electronic magic that I don't really understand. Then when I go back outside and look at the sky and the clouds I know that they are not electronic images, but I can't prove to myself that they are real by touching them. They are real because I have been told what they are and believe that they are real. I may even find someone to look at them too. If they see what I see I could say that they are real. I also know that paintings and photographs are not real. They only represent what is real. So, this is as far as I have gotten. Look forward to your reply, Mary.

Hi Mary
Lovely to read your post.

When I go outside the things of nature seem real. The plants, trees, ground, etc.

Spot on

Also three demensional man made objects such as cars, sidewalks and trash seem real. I see all these things and can touch them to prove that they are real.

Be careful – “can touch them” is an intellectual supposition. . Just because you can touch something doesn’t make it real! Our reality is that which can be directly experienced. If we can’t directly experience it, it is only an illusion – which is to say, it is not verifiably real. We need to always remember that anything that is said (or believed) to exist outside of direct experience is purely conjecture. In this case, as written, if you haven’t actually touched an object to verify its “realness”, then you can’t assume that it is real.

The breeze I think is real because I can feel it on my skin.

This observation about the breeze bears out the point that you don’t always have to see something for it to be real. This is going to be important to remember. You can’t see the energy that is breeze but you can feel it and know that it is not illusionary

When I go inside the house I know that the images on the television or the computer are not real, that they are made through electronic magic that I don't really understand.

Correct. Is it “you” or is the "mind" that doesn’t “really understand?”

Then when I go back outside and look at the sky and the clouds I know that they are not electronic images, but I can't prove to myself that they are real by touching them.

Can you see the clouds? Can you see them move?” If you can, then they are real.
The sky” is an interesting thing to consider. The word “sky” is just a label, it points to the infinity that surrounds us. Sometimes we call the blue “sky” and beyond that “space” To be even more specific, the stuff this side of the blue we label as “air” and breathe it in. In fact, there is no boundary – its all part of the same infinity. The air we breathe is not apart from that infinity, so we do directly experience infinity

If you consider that closely, you’ll realize that you can never define infinity – precisely because its infiniteness extends without boundary in all directions and includes all that is found within its infinite reach. There is, instead a “knowingness” that inifinity exists even though it can’t be proven (at least not by us finite beings!)

They are real because I have been told what they are and believe that they are real.

Whoa! A belief can never be proven as “real” A belief is always illusionary (ever tried to touch or see or smell a belief. The same with thought – completely illusionary. Just because “I” have accepted something as a belief does not make it real! A belief is always, always, always illusionary

I may even find someone to look at them too. If they see what I see I could say that they are real.

No way. Direct experience is YOUR direct experience. Only your direct experience makes it real TO YOU. A group of people can each witness the same accident. Yet any policeman will tell you that people rarely agree on what they each directly saw. Why? Every person has their own reality happening. Directly experienced means that YOU have to directly experience it!

I also know that paintings and photographs are not real. They only represent what is real. So, this is as far as I have gotten.

Cool – well done. You will need to continue practicing the “this is real” and “this is illusionary” approach as you go through the next week or so. Remember, direct means direct to YOU, and that sometimes, the illusionary can be well disguised as a “realness” that we have accepted for years without question

I want to move the focus now to consider that “I” that you’ve used frequently in sentences. We know that, gramatically the “I” as a pronoun that “points to “me” (or to terms such as “myself”)As such the pronoun is simply a label. The "I" does not exist. What is it pointing to?

Tell me, from your direct experience what the word “I” is pointing to when you use it. To get you started, if it points to your body (as in “I” am my body”, tell me where in the body this “I”-ness is to be found.

Other places to look? “I” am my mind; “I” am my relationship; “I” am my qualification, “I” am my career; “I” am my golf club or recreational group; “I” am my career; “I” am my bank balance”, “I” am my …….” And so on. Record the results of all of your avenues of investigation - including whether what it is pointing to is real or illusionary

What are “you” Mary?

Have fun looking :-))

Mike

Hello Mike.
Is what you are saying in your last post that If we can experience something it is real?
I've been looking for the I that I think I am.
I don't think of myself as my job, my relationship, my stuff, or what I am doing this time in my life. I beleive it to be real because I am experiencing the drama of it all. Sometimes I get too caught up in the drama and try to make that who I am, but it never works. So the things I have or do are not me.
Is the I my body? My body is real because I experience it, but I don't find the me there. I've felt detached from my body yet envying other's bodies. Again, I'm trying to make my body who I am and it doesn't work.
Am I my personality? Lately I don't care for my personality; I would like to change it. I think that it would be possible to change it with enough work( perhaps electric shock). I don't think that the personality is real anyway. If I can change it and it isn't real then that can't be who I am.
How about my thoughts? Thats tough. I think that I am my thoughts. It can't be true though. Who makes the thoughts? If I stop thinking, which is rare but possible, where am I? My brain just stores the thoughts so the brain isn't me. Thoughts don't seem to be real. Sometimes I have thoughts that just pop into my head. Where do they come from?
Feelings don't seem to be real either. Feelings depend on thoughts. They come and go. They are not me.
Lately I've been thinking of there being a Big Me and a Little Me(Mini Me). That the big me is my higher self and the little me is the person who is walking around thinking. If the little me is my thoughts and personality and there isn't really a little me there, am I the Big Me?
Look forward to your reply, Mary.

Hi Mary
Your last post was, I suspect, a turning point that would have taken a great deal of honest looking. I admire you for being so honest

Is what you are saying in your last post that If we can experience something it is real?

An experience occurs with input we directly receive from our senses – and from thought. This a smell of fresh baking while walking could lead to entering the bakery, buying a freshly baked item and eating it. The sensory iput led to the experience. A thought “must ring mum” appears and that leads to the experience of making a phone call. Experiences are everyday “slices of life”. Those slices of life involve reality (the input) and lead to us “doing something” that is also real.

I've been looking for the I that I think I am.

That’s what it’s all about!

I don't think of myself as my job, my relationship, my stuff, or what I am doing this time in my life. I beleive it to be real because I am experiencing the drama of it all.

Don’t lose sight of the fact that you’ve had a lifetime of conditioning which has created an “apparent I” that seemingly is real. In fact, a newborn has no self-concept and it’s not until around the age of 3 that the baby identifies the word “I” with what they are. Parents etc then reinforce that belief in “I” though loving and/or critical comments aimed at teaching the child how to behave, how to act etc. If you watch a parent at work, their early conditioning of the baby will involve tying an expectation (eg how to eat properly) with an identity (the baby) that they will label as “you” or “Johnny” – and make comments like “don’t (you) eat your toast like that”. School reinforces this conditioning that the “I” is the body called Johnny and adds a whole bundle of other beliefs such as “Johnny is a good boy” or “Johnny is good at maths”, “Johnny is hopeless at writing”, “Johnny is an aggressive and demanding child” etc etc. Once schooling stops adding its overlay of belief to poor Johnny, the workplace takes over and adds a whole lot more. By the time Johnny has reached early adulthood, he has completely lost the newborn’s lack of self-belief and is almost overwhelmed by a belief structure that defines who “he” is, what “he’s” good at, what “his personality is – and so on.

However, if Johnny ever gets introspective and looks directly at who “he” is, he cannot but conclude that “he” is a conditioned belief, and that everything that other people believe about him is similarly a complete fabrication of the mind. However, the efforts to shape Johnny’s whole identity, while a complete fabrication; has been so successful that even “he” believes in it – because that’s the whole point of conditioning. To makes you believe in something, even if that “something” has no basis in reality

So Mary, there is no doubt that drama is happening around Mary. The point is, who (or what) is Mary? Is the “I” that Mary’s conditioning has taught her exists, or has the conditioning simply established and then reinforced a complete fabrication?

Sometimes I get too caught up in the drama and try to make that who I am, but it never works. So the things I have or do are not me.

The drama of it all is occurring and this body/mind with the label “Mary” may be part of that drama. But when Mary (through convention) uses the “I” pronoun, is she associating that pronoun with the illusionary identity of “Mary” or is the “I” pronoun pointing to a Truth beyond the illusion?

Because there is a Truth beyond the illusion. If you accept, even as a hypothetical, that the conventional use of the pronoun is illusionary, and that the “I” does not mean that Mary is “her body, mind, thoughts, personality, career etc, than what is left? There is clearly something, because “there is clearly something reading these words. What is that something? Could it be who Mary “really” is?

The answer is yes.

Is the I my body? My body is real because I experience it, but I don't find the me there. I've felt detached from my body yet envying other's bodies. Again, I'm trying to make my body who I am and it doesn't work.

Excellent. There is a body, but that is not who “I” am

Am I my personality? Lately I don't care for my personality; I would like to change it. I think that it would be possible to change it with enough work( perhaps electric shock). I don't think that the personality is real anyway. If I can change it and it isn't real then that can't be who I am.

“Personality” is a concept of the mind alone – and reinforced by the whole advertising and self-help industry that perpetuates the myth of “you are an individual” What rubbish. Quantum physics is reinforcing what sages have said for millennia: that we are all connected. There is no such thing as “an individual”. Definitely no such thing as “my personality” or “your personality” So, there might be the concept of a personality attached to this body, but that is not who “I” am

How about my thoughts? Thats tough. I think that I am my thoughts. It can't be true though. Who makes the thoughts? If I stop thinking, which is rare but possible, where am I? My brain just stores the thoughts so the brain isn't me. Thoughts don't seem to be real. Sometimes I have thoughts that just pop into my head. Where do they come from?

Well done! It’s a belief that the brain stores thoughts. It is simply not known where thoughts come from or where they go to. It’s not established whether the brain stores thought or not, or where “memory” is located (if it is located anywhere!) The ability to respond to thought is clearly of evolutionary advantage to humans, but it is a conditioned belief that says that the “I” can think. The “I” has no ability to generate thoughts – simply not possible. The brain is not self-aware and does not generate thoughts. There is no mind in the body. Thoughts simply appear. Descartes got it 100% wrong when he linked the existence of the “I” to the ability to thing (“I think therefore I am). Thinking occurs, but the “I” does not think. There are thoughts, but not “my thoughts”

Feelings don't seem to be real either. Feelings depend on thoughts. They come and go. They are not me.

You’re on a roll Mary. Illusions are starting to crumble in a big way here!

Lately I've been thinking of there being a Big Me and a Little Me(Mini Me). That the big me is my higher self and the little me is the person who is walking around thinking. If the little me is my thoughts and personality and there isn't really a little me there, am I the Big Me?

There certainly is a “Big Me” or an “I” that is not illusionary…welcome to the “pointy end” of the inquiry!

Now, tell me more about this “Big Me” If you’ve dismissed the whole “I” thing as an illusionary build-up of beliefs, and if what is left is this “Big Me” than it must be something that is not illusionary. To be not illusionary, this “Big Me” must be constant, ever-present and never changing. Look within and tell me more about this “Big Me” – the “I” what you really are

Things are getting interesting Mary!!

Love

Mike

Mike, thank you for your post. With your help I get closer to the truth.
Today I was trying to decide if on my day off I should go for a walk in the woods or run errands. Of course there were all the thoughts of the pros and cons. I thought who is having the thoughts and who is going to make this decision? I ended up going to the woods and realized that I knew that the best action was to go to the woods without all of the thought. So I didn't even need the little me to think about it, the Big Me knew.
So in the woods I started thinking about who the Big Me is, as per your instructions. I see the Big Me as the Infinite. As I looked around I believe everything to be of the Infinite. I realized that I say that I know the Big Me to be myself, but I really think of it as somewhere out there. My next question was, "What is stopping me from believing that I am part of the big Me or walking through the gate?"
What popped into my head is the thought of a friend of mine who bothers me because I think he is arrogant. I'm afraid that if I become Aware, I will become arrogant. I realized as I walked that arrogance is about thinking you are better than another person. How can I think that I am better if I truely see that we are all equal? And isn't it the hieght of arrogance to think that I am a special little Mini Me? Wow!
I reallized that another fear of mine is that I am afraid to be powerful. I am afraid of hurting people. Since infancy, I believe, I have been making myself as small and invisible as possible only allowing myself to make enough money to just support myself. I thought about Oprah. Is she really powerful? She needs to delegate people to do things for her, even buy her clothes. If she used her money for charity, would it really help? It seems to me that she would not be powerful if she opperates from the little me and would only be truely powerful if she opperates from the Big Me. Which she may be doing, I don't really know Oprah enough to say. Deep inside I know that even with my extreme attempt to keep myself small, that I am powerful already. Imagine what I could do if I allowed myself to see myself as the Big Me?
It helps me to look at my thoughts and challege them. There was something else, but I can't remember it. But I'll send this off to see what you think. blessings, Mary.

Hi Mary
Thank you for your post. Some good hard looking going on – great to read

Today I was trying to decide if on my day off I should go for a walk in the woods or run errands. Of course there were all the thoughts of the pros and cons. I thought who is having the thoughts and who is going to make this decision? I ended up going to the woods and realized that I knew that the best action was to go to the woods without all of the thought. So I didn't even need the little me to think about it, the Big Me knew.

It’s a funny thing about labels that as soon as you put one on something, you believe that the label “is” something. You have created a label called “Big Me” and you’re associating that label with the “I” (as in “I am Big Me”). A belief that there is a “Big Me” is starting to form and , as you’ve told me, beliefs are illusionary. In truth, you followed your intuition and went to the woods – but where does intuition come from?

So in the woods I started thinking about who the Big Me is, as per your instructions. I see the Big Me as the Infinite.

And you’d be quite right. But your last sentence shows is an intellectual conclusion. Let’s “deconstruct” the sentence:
“the infinite” is a noun, the name of something, a thing. Things only exist in the illusion of duality, therefore the infinite you are talking about is a concept within the illusion. There is no “Big Me” and you definitely can’t “see” the Infinite. Take out the “I” because your last post told me that there was no “I”. Your last sentence now reads “the as the infinite” If you were to be asked who you really are, which of those four words (the as the infinite) would you choose? Note “the infinite” is a noun, a thing = so take the “the” out too. What’s left? “infinity” is. How to talk about one’s true Self (capital S in this context) has befuddled folk for ever simply because you can’t define what it is you want to say. Comments?

As I looked around I believe everything to be of the Infinite. I realized that I say that I know the Big Me to be myself, but I really think of it as somewhere out there.

It’s an illusion that there is an “out there”. In reality, there is no “out there”, nor is there an “in here”. Try a little experiment. Sit somewhere quiet where you will not be disturbed and close your eyes. Focus your attention at a point anywhere in the body. Don’t expect to see anything in particular, just notice what you notice. Form an impression of what is there. Now shift your focus to another part of your body. Again just notice what you notice. Spend as long as you comfortably can. Now tell me: did you sense anything there? Anything at all?

My next question was, "What is stopping me from believing that I am part of the big Me or walking through the gate?"

The mind will have a belief that to even think such a thing is preposterous. In Truth nothing is stopping you except the illusions that your beliefs impose.

What popped into my head is the thought of a friend of mine who bothers me because I think he is arrogant. I'm afraid that if I become Aware, I will become arrogant. I realized as I walked that arrogance is about thinking you are better than another person.

There is no other person. There is just the illusion of other people.

Think of a photocopier. Start with one piece of paper. Call that the “original” or – if you like – the One. Now photocopy the One, one thousand times. You have 1000 replications of the One. You don’t have 1000 bits of paper each with a different image on them. Get it? There is Oneness, it is replicated seven billion times around the world. There are 7 billion replications of the Oneness. But they are all copies of the same thing. In Truth, there is only a single Oneness.

There is no way, in Truth, that you can be therefore, better or worse than anything. There is only Oneness. Can your oneness be “better” than my oneness?

The fear of changing as a result of awareness is common but unfounded. Paradoxically, nothing changes yet everything has changed. In the realization that the “I” has left the building there is a serenity that comes with accepting things as they are without any inclination to change anything. A peace. A relaxing into the reality of what is. That acceptance simply allows the illusion that continues around you to be viewed with a somewhat amused detachment. Remember that before awareness, you are a contributing part of the illusion. After awareness, you are stepped out of the illusion and can see it for what it is: a complete fabrication, a game. You can still even participate from time to time in the illusion, but you do so knowing that it is an illusion, so your participation becomes way less intense and way more enjoyable. As for being arrogant after awareness – if I had been a perpetually grumpy person before, I’d likely still display aspects of that grumpiness! But it would diminish over time as the serenity of living in awareness grew

How can I think that I am better if I truely see that we are all equal?

You got it

And isn't it the hieght of arrogance to think that I am a special little Mini Me? Wow!

Back to fear! Arrogance is another label. The concept of arrogance only exists because there is a label. You believe in the label. What if there was no label? What would there be left?
“Special little” is the same as “arrogance. A label. In Truth what does the label point to? Nothing that’s real. Just a concept of the mind – in other words, an illusion. It only becomes something when the mind grabs the label/concept, applies it to something (in this case yourself) for the “I” to believe in it. Once belief in the label/concept of “specialness” ceases, the illusion that “I am special” will simply cease to exist

“Mini Me” is an “I” sub-identity. Created as a belief “I believe that there is a mini me” and kept alive as a belief. Various spiritual teachers talk of “the watcher”, “the observer” and encourage “seekers to observe the observer and ask ‘who is watching?” At some point these can serve a purpose. But the existence of a “watcher, observer, mini me, Big Me etc are all beliefs. They are all illusionary. The danger is that, while you have quite effectively demolished the “I” you’re in danger of creating a :mini Me” or “Big Me” as an “I” substitute.

There is no I, me, mine, yours, watcher, seeker, observer, big me, little me or even God. These are all illusionary labels that can easily become substitutes for the “I” or extensions of the “I” that are called into being when the “I” is seen to be illusionary.
=================
Time for another exercise
Go somewhere – a walk in the woods is great. And as you walk play a game of “what would be left of the woods if all the labels disappeared” What would be left?

Once you’ve sorted that out, play another game of “who would Mary be if she had no labels to identify with? And see what you get
=================

I reallized that another fear of mine is that I am afraid to be powerful. I am afraid of hurting people. Since infancy, I believe, I have been making myself as small and invisible as possible only allowing myself to make enough money to just support myself. I thought about Oprah. Is she really powerful? She needs to delegate people to do things for her, even buy her clothes. If she used her money for charity, would it really help? It seems to me that she would not be powerful if she opperates from the little me and would only be truely powerful if she opperates from the Big Me. Which she may be doing, I don't really know Oprah enough to say.

That was a little trip down the fear isle! In Truth, you are neither fearful nor not-fearful. Fear simply does not exist – it is not real. When was the last time you saw a fearful tree, or a fearful cloud, or a fearful glass of water. Fear is a human thing. Why? It’s a mind thing. Something happens, the mind gets involved, and sooner or later, the belief “I am afraid” will either develop or be retrieved from wherever already-formed beliefs go to. I then feel fearful. On its own, the body is not afraid. Ever taken a step off a footpath only to quickly jump back. The mind didn’t do that, the body did – the R-complex brain tasked with the “fight or flight” role caused an involuntary (reflex) action to occur. The body will always take steps to protect itself - without any involvement of the mind. It’s the mind that creates fear. Fear is illusionary. Take the belief “I am a fearful person” away and what’s left?

Think on that for a while. Fear is a human condition because of the mind, and many people’s lives are ruled by their fears. When fear is seen as a product of the mind

Deep inside I know that even with my extreme attempt to keep myself small, that I am powerful already. Imagine what I could do if I allowed myself to see myself as the Big Me?
It helps me to look at my thoughts and challege them.

I’d like you to consider deeply that all beliefs exist to reinforce the identity of the “I”, and that the “I” will continue to exist as long as there are beliefs to give it an identity. The “self” is simply a label given to the accumulation of beliefs as an identity to the “I”

You have in your last post effectively seen through the non-existence of the “I”. This post has seen the emergence of a number of “I” substitutes, each able to be seen as plausible by you because each is attracting, in your mind, an identity. You have demolished an “I” simply to re-create it as the “mini me” of Big Me”

The realization of Truth is the seeing that ALL beliefs are illusionary. Without beliefs to sustain them every illusionary identity simply cannot exist.

Look within: are there ANY identities AT ALL that Mary associates with? As you did with your looking to demolish the “I”, now do so with any identity your honesty can identify. Demolish any beliefs (fear based or otherwise) that sustain the identity and illusionary existence of ANY identity. Truth realization means NO self

You’re making great progress. Keep that honesty flowing and LOOK. Don’t seek or allow input from the mind. Just directly look until you experience a “knowing” that is not of the mind.

Love

Mike

Hello Mike,
Thanks for your post. Guess I got on the wrong track. I have to work a lot this weekend, but hope to fit in some honest looking. Talk to you in a couple days. Aloha, Mary.

Hi Mary

No problems. You're not on the "wrong track" at all - there is just a danger that you may be starting to create another identity for the "me" to associate with - just when the "I" appears to have been seen though! You're making great progress - don't allow the mind to make you believe that you're not. Keep the focus and don't allow yourself to be "side-tracked" by illusionary stuff. Always ask: this this real, or is this illusionary?"

Have a great weekend

Mike

Hi Mike, Wanted to write more today,but my computer is having abad day. Sending this with my phone which doesn`t work well either. Try to write tomorrow from the library. May the Force be with you, Mary

Hi Mary
...and with you too!
Mike

Hello Mike,
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I have been working a lot, but I also think that I am working through some resistance of mine towards this process. I feel ready now to put some more energy into this. It is a problem that I don't have internet at home and my computer is too slow when I go to a coffee shop, but there is always the library and it is right down the road.
i have done a little of the homework you gave me. I looked inside to diffferent places in my body. It feels as if there is a great emtiness inside, like a huge empty room. I still find that there is a me looking though. I experimented with imaging that I had died and didn't have a body. I can't tell you what I got with that, it was last week and I can'tremember.
I looked around when I was outside and thought about dropping the labels of the plants and things around me. Without labels they just are. Dropping my labels. Hmmm. I looked at the beliefs I have about myself and who I think I am. I would just be if I were to drop all of that. I thought about the label of good person/bad person. I had thought that I was a bad person when I was young, so I tried really hard to be a good person. I could work at taking away the belief that I am a bad person. But noone is totally "good". It is not real to be one way or another.
I've been a little depressed about not liking my job and asked myself "Is this real?" I am experiencing it. I can change it with my thoughts. I can go in the woods and feel better. Is that real? Don't have an answer.
That's it for now. I have some time the next couple of days to work on this. So what do you think? Look forward to your post, Mary.