The Gate

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
Clarity shows through direct experiencing that there is no self/ego/me. The 'gateless gate' was revealed, and eventually 'passed through'.

What are you looking for at LU?
It came into this orbit. Action to investigate was natural and without agenda. Specifically, regarding more information on guiding with LU. Also, was invited to give it a go. There's really not much else to say.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
There is trust that Clarity, authenticity, and free communication will be occurring. Any potential blind spot pointed out. Potential acceptance towards guiding. It would be super for the conversation to be fun! Sincere but not serious.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Rogue and maverick are good words to describe the story. Essentially no formal path or training/education in anything to do with "enlightenment stuff", though quite a bit of listening to Alan Watts. Made a lot of 'meditative' type practices up on the fly. Was a JW for long time so there's that. Primary drive since teen: Deep compulsion for Truth, coupled with radical honesty. Saying of youth oft repeated was: "I don't care how much it hurts, just give me the truth!" ha

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

Hey Mav :)

Shall we explore together a-while?

Best wishes,
John, a guide here

Shall we explore together a-while?

Ok! : )

Thank you

Great.

"Clarity shows through direct experiencing that there is no self/ego/me. The 'gateless gate' was revealed, and eventually 'passed through'."

So, what happened? :)

Thanks,
John

Great.
"Clarity shows through direct experiencing that there is no self/ego/me. The 'gateless gate' was revealed, and eventually 'passed through'."
So, what happened? :)

What happened is of course just a story, the details of which are steadily fading.

However, the short version is:

There was a great desire for Truth, and an accompanying capacity for radical honesty.

Over the years, this led to the usual dabbling in many different 'spiritual paths'.
Eventually, the body was found to be practicing some sort of deep relaxation during 'nap time'. At the time, it could be described as 'all my tools of self-inquiry to find truth'.

At some point, as the story goes, a sort of 'void' came into awareness. The body was extremely relaxed, to the point that it largely had disappeared from awareness. Breathing barely happening. That place felt like the 'I' would die if it was 'entered'. The story includes this happening about 3 times. The first two times involved retreat due to fear over perceived letting go of family responsibilities such as 'raising the children' and 'marriage vow/contract'. These were seen at the time to be 'sacred'.

However, the desire for Truth was like a compulsion, so the fear had only temporarily halted the Next Step. Which was the Final Step. (Capitals for amusement).
The third approach to this 'location' in the mind, involved an unconscious letting go of everything, including the previous fears. Perhaps it could be said to be the choiceless choice. Chosen, but not consciously. Like releasing an arrow by just doing it, not thinking about releasing the arrow. "Something" did die - in the sense that a particular belief was dropped fully, and with certainty - the "I"/'me'.

In any case, no big deal at the time. No lights, sirens, or horns. Simply daily life happenings were the same but 'different'.
Approximately fall of 2016. No idea at the time that this might be what all the hullabaloo is about in 'enlightenment circles'. Some results just were happening, without psychological manipulation, such as: fear of death, gone. Psychological suffering, gone. Time clearly not including a 'me' in it, therefore no past or future as normally understood. Additionally, clarity showed memories as never having been anything else but awareness 'awarenessing'.

At some point, perhaps spring of 2017, realization dawned that the end of the self had occurred. That even that gives too much credence as there never ever was a 'self' nor could be, anywhere or anywhen.

Next, speaking was occurring. First to wife, then to some few others. Then, a bit on the internet.
Then, someone leaked a pointer to LU. Thus, here we are.

Hi Mav,

That's great, thank you.

How would you describe what seemed to be your self for so many years?

Best wishes,
John

How would you describe what seemed to be your self for so many years?

Thank you for your best wishes, friend John : )

Post-seeing through the illusion of self naturally led to perusing memory. The memories are simply a story. Without 'I', 'me', 'my life', the story is impersonal, the edges of high highs or low lows all blunted and muted, with little or no energy left to them.

The self was clearly seen to be a construct made up of a myriad of labels. Like a mannequin with many sticky notes on it. Each note a label such as 'I am <insert name', 'my job is', 'I like <insert myriad preferences> that identify 'who I am' and 'what I am about'. Religious affiliation such as 'I am a JW'. No doubt hundreds more. These labels of thoughts led to many various emotions, high to low, that were also considered quite personal and 'about me'. Led to various dramatic reactions. Since the 'self' is not real, it makes the story all the more amusing. Perhaps a tragic comedy or maybe a comedic tragedy, who knows lol.

Essentially, a fabrication of many pieces, the sum of which said 'I am real, I have weight and mass to my existence, and 'I matter.''. All quite amusing when that particular house of cards falls. And the collapse wasn't even particularly dramatic or spectacular. More like a soft sigh, as if a deflating balloon letting out the last of its air. Gloriously inconsequential to Reality. Ha.

Psychological time has ended as well, so the 'story of me' then, seems rather short, regardless of the decades. There's just nothing to be found of any substance. Nothing to grasp onto, and no desire to, even if there could be. It slipped away like a feather on the wind, except a feather is more real than the story.

Could write on and on of course, but the conclusion is always the same - the so-called 'past me' never existed in reality, the memories are like everything else - part of the happening now, with no one to claim them.

In gratitude...