The Gate

WANTED: a ride through the gateless gate. Guidance needed. Thanks!! Susan

There is no ride through the gate, Susan. But if you're keen, and willing to work for it, I'll be happy to walk you to the gate. You'll have to go through by yourself.

love
Nona

Thanks for offering your help, Nona. Yes, I am willing to work for it! I actually find it very exiting to embark on that journey. To find a guide that is offering the help you are offering me now has been in my prayers for a few years now. It's amazing that this is happening! Just to let you know: english is not my first language, but I prefer it over german as I live in Canada.

I am in UK. Let me know if at any time you feel I am not understanding you.

Can you tell me a little about your journey so far, Susan?

What do you think, expect, hope will happen here?

love
Nona

Hi Nona,

about my journey: I am 37 now. I had some active searching years where some crazy things happened (that never in the end had a 'real life' impact) and abondaned that active search quite a few years ago. I still meditate regularely (3rd eye meditation). I stopped looking for and byuing 'spiritual' literature, but books keep finding their way to me in interesting ways. These books I read or flip through and they change things for me for the better. I have a great, happy, harmonious every day life with my family. I am with my husband for over 10 years and we have a 7 year old son. My husband and I are, what has been described in books as, soul partners.

what I think, expect, hope will happen here: I am hoping for a rather smooth process that is more like a paradigm shift - the next step in evolution / to mature. I also hope to meet my creator. (Being a mom I know that I didn't in a sense create my son - I had no saying or doing really in that) I also hope that life gets easier and that I can stop pretending and pursuing things that I don't know if I am meant to do that (like filling gaps with my own stuff...). I feel guided to do that process. I strongly pray that my family will not suffer from me doing that process and that I will still be able to be a mom to my son and a wife to my husband. Oh - and I almost forgot to mention it: I do hope for a real experience (not just an intellectual explorering) that has a consequence in my life (and that's the scary part as I have no control over it)!

Can you tell me a little about yourself? Is there a book that would best describe your experience of life after you went through the gate?

Thanks so much for starting this process with me!

Respectfully,
Susan

Hi Susan,

I am hoping for a rather smooth process that is more like a paradigm shift

There is a shift in perspective, for sure, but I have never yet seen a "smooth process". When everything you know, have learned, think about your self is SEEN to be wrong, there is usually not-smooth. Whether you get full-on war or merely bumpy discomfort is anybody's guess.

I also hope that life gets easier

Life is already easy. Or hard if you label it so. Believing that the labels have a one-to-one correspondence with some external reality is where we've become confused. In this conversation I will ask you to observe with the senses rather than rely on the labels that thought so quickly applies to sensation.
Observing with the five senses — seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching — prior to thought is what we refer to as Direct Experience. I will be giving you some exercises to sharpen your perceptions outside of thought. You will work at noticing what is directly experienced versus thoughts about what is experienced.

and that I can stop pretending and pursuing things that I don't know if I am meant to do that

You can always stop pretending. In fact, in order to see through the illusion of self, you must be 100% honest. The illusion can only be seen from honest, direct experience. It cannot be seen with the same thinking that creates it.

I strongly pray that my family will not suffer from me doing that process and that I will still be able to be a mom to my son and a wife to my husband.

If this conversation were your only path to liberation, to freedom, would you still choose to take it? Consider this very carefully!
What is seen cannot be unseen. Some relationships get stronger when self is seen to be an illusion; others break and crumble. The consequences of the real experience, as you mention, are outside of our control.

I will not tell you about myself, nor describe my experience of Life at this time. I ask you to put aside any books or videos or spiritual reading matter or teachings during the time we are engaged in this conversation. Any input that requires you to think about it or believe it or understand it will only be a barrier to direct experience.

If you want to continue whether or not your relationships "suffer", if you agree to be 100% honest, to do the exercises I give you, and to put aside teachings as described above, then let us begin. If not, then I thank you for your interest and wish you well.

love
Nona

I am ready! I trust that this is meant to happen. I will be 100% honest.

When you write: `Love Nona`- is Love real?

Hi Susan,

First, tell me what comes up for you, in the body and mind, when you read the following:

There is no separate self at all in reality. Me is not the manager, not the controller, not an observer, not awareness; it's just a thought that points to other thoughts — nothing real. There is no self as in zero. There is no such entity 'me' to which life happens. There is no 'I' that owns a story. There is only life moving freely, without a general manager called 'you'. 

love
Nona

Hi Nona,

my head was nodding while I was reading your statement. No body response other than that. The mind agrees/goes blank and that`s it.

I did have strong body reactions yesterday (tight pressure in my chest and stomach pit and a restlessness). When I promised myself again to just do the exercise and be 100% honest my body relaxed. And I feel relieved today.

So, I am ready to look deeper!

Susan

Hi Susan,

First, tell me what comes up for you, in the body and mind, when you read the following:

There is no separate self at all in reality. Me is not the manager, not the controller, not an observer, not awareness; it's just a thought that points to other thoughts — nothing real. There is no self as in zero. There is no such entity 'me' to which life happens. There is no 'I' that owns a story. There is only life moving freely, without a general manager called 'you'.

The mind agrees/goes blank and that`s it.

You "agree" and that's all?
What is life like without an I, a self, a me? How is it experienced? When and where did you first notice there is no I?

love
Nona

Hi Nona,

that is a question I can not really answer as I have so far only explored it intellectually. I have often been at an abyss, a black nothingness that was inviting me to fall into. I was never brave enough. I do feel as if something wants to step out of me. If you know constellation work by Hellinger than you might know how represantatives step out of their roles. This is something I feel for myself very often. The wish to step out of myself. I don`t know what comes after it. Just a sense that this what life is all about - no need to attach to the story of my life. But how do I do it?

Susan

Hi Susan,

When you write

I was never brave enough.

what is the fear there? What prevents you from falling?

love
Nona

Hi Nona,

looking back the abyss only appeared when I was in deep despair. It was like an invitation to fall into it. But it felt like commiting suicide without understanding life`s mystery. Accompanying this abyss was also always an image of a cave and no matter how far I would go there was this rubber band tied around my waist that would snap me back into the cave when I went off to far.

But I guess looking at the fear from todays perspective I would say if there were the abyss right now I would be afraid to dissolve in this black nothingness without a trace of me being left.

Susan

Hi Susan,

I would be afraid to dissolve in this black nothingness without a trace of me being left.

GOOD! This is what we will look at.
What exactly is the "I" that would be afraid? What exactly is the "me" that would not be left? Please describe it as fully and clearly as possible. What it looks like, what its function(s) is/are, where it's located, etc. Be thorough!

love
Nona

Hi Nona,

sorry I don`t understand how to use the quote function. This will do, hopefully.

What exactly is the "I" that would be afraid? What exactly is the "me" that would not be left? Please describe it as fully and clearly as possible. What it looks like, what its function(s) is/are, where it's located, etc

The body that is known by my name with all it`s functions, memory, emotions...would be afraid.
But the body doesn`t really have a saying in it as it functions on it`s own accord. There is something connected to the body that is `I `and I have no idea what that actually is. I can`t locate it anywhere. It`s seems to have a function of witnessing what happens with the body and it`s surroundings. So this something that I can`t locate but it`s clearly driving my every day life would vanish too. It`s so hard to put into words! And when I sit here trying to capture it it`s even harder as my mind just goes blank.

Today I noticed a shift. There is this old feeling of being surrounded by pointless dramas that is causing depressive feelings (which feels like faking the non-attachment to life) on my side, but then the `I`that I can`t locate is trying to look beyond and get a sense of what you are pointing to. It is clearly trying to keep in control. There is a sense of something totally still and unmoving that is not contrary to life going on on it`s own. There is a deep longing to get there. It is not unreachable. It is as if it`s right there all the time, but if I loose the focus it`s going to vanish.
I just want to do nothing and be lived (so to say). How can I ever do anything to get there and to see if there is no me who does anything?

Susan