The Gate

Well, first of all, I haven't seen it. I tried looking desperately for it and finally failed. It's really hard to put it in words, but I have to tell a story anyway.
There was Atanas. Atanas felt he was a separate person, who had free will and choice to do things and change his life. Atanas fell deeply in love with a girl. She told him big things and eventually dumped him. Atanas fell into a very deep suicidal depression. He had a history of suicidal depression already. To cut it short - Atanas thought this girl was the world to him and he lost his whole world. Also, Atanas has always had interest in esoteric stuff. Maybe because he was a shy guy, who wasn't really comfortable with himself and the quality of his life. So, he was in a search for some "other" thing.
So, Atanas lost his world. Everything started falling apart. He became a complete mess. He was depressed and totally confused, having no idea why these thoughts are torturing him. In his confusion he heard of Eckhart Tolle and the idea there was no time and the ego was just a mental construct. In March this year he had his first glimpse of no-self. He went to a party and his body behaved like never before - open and friendly, like it was another person. It lasted only a night. Later, Atanas had another glimpse which lasted 3 or 4 days - everything was calm, the world looked unreal, it was all like a movie. People he hated before he now saw as being in love with them. Then in another episode of deep depression Atanas found in a bookstore a slim book called "Nothing being everything" by Tony Parsons. Atanas heard of no-self. Atanas downloaded Tony Parsons talks, put the earbuds on and went to bed like this for a couple of weeks. One day Atanas woke up and the world was never the same. Althought it was the same trees, dogs, birds, buildings, people, everything, it wasnt experienced the same. Everything was trembling with aliveness. Episodes of depression continued. Until maybe a week or so ago, when the following happened:
Atanas was reading a message board for seekers. One guy was giving tips to others how they could awaken. The guy had wrote a whole book of tips. Then Atanas just wrote something like this: Your book could not possibly help anyone to awaken from the dream. Let's say you are sleeping. Let's say Atanas is in the bed, sleeping and dreaming he is atanas (small "a") - a character in a dream. Who wakes up from the dream? atanas is the dream character, he believes the dream is real. he can not wake up, because he doesn't know he is sleeping. Atanas can not wake up, because he is turned off - he believes he is atanas, so he doesn't know he is sleeping also. So, who wakes up? Can somebody wake up? The answer is clearly NO. waking up just happens. No one wakes up. Waking up is the realisation atanas is just a dream character and everything is just a dream. There is no atanas with free will and choice. It is just a dream and it just happens.
The morning after that it became clear, for no one, that there was never Atanas - it was just a string of thoughts about a dream character. There is no such thing as time and space. There is nothing. It is just a dream. Sights, smells, sounds, emotions, feelings - they are all the same, just life happening. No one is doing it and it is happening to no one. There is no such thing as consciousness, separate from what is happening. There is just what's happening - gone the moment it happens. So, evertyhing is real and unreal at the same time. It is just a dream.
Atanas never did anything. It just happened. The feeling that there is someone who made something was also just another happening. Things could have never been any other way. It is all nothing, playing the game of appearing as everything and it's perfectly meaningless. This body here is not someone's body. It is just an image of a body. The head turns and the image dissapears - it is so fragile. That's life. Everything is and isn't at the same time. Nothing = everything.

thanks for sharing, touching story. it seems like you have seen some level of truth. do you feel there is more?

Well, first of all, I haven't seen it. I tried looking desperately for it and finally failed.

you haven't seen it - as in, you haven't found any 'self' in control of life?
or you haven't seen it - as in, you haven't seen the fact that there actually isn't any self in control of life?

it seems like you have, according to the story. so was it just a story?

So, evertyhing is real and unreal at the same time. It is just a dream.

no, everything (that IS actually a 'thing') is real. it is one, huge, very real thing.
what is a dream is the interpretation that there is an existing separated quality - self/you/soul - experiencing that reality, and any experiences that follow on from that.
(well, actually, the experience is still real, it is the basis of that experience that is not. so the depression you experience from a belief about a self is real, but the supposed cause for that belief is not.)

Atanas never did anything. It just happened. The feeling that there is someone who made something was also just another happening. Things could have never been any other way.

yes.

but, here...

It is all nothing, playing the game of appearing as everything and it's perfectly meaningless. This body here is not someone's body. It is just an image of a body. The head turns and the image dissapears - it is so fragile. That's life. Everything is and isn't at the same time. Nothing = everything.

i would just watch your conclusion that nothing = everything. it's the kind of statement that seems profound enough, and i would quite possibly say the same thing myself depending on the context, but it would be a shame to stop your understanding there, because it doesn't really mean anything.
maybe the need to say that nothing = everything is just a result of losing the core 'reason for existence' that having a self seemed to supply you.
go deeper into what you are experiencing that makes you think this. these sorts of insights seem to apply at first, after seeing emptiness of self, as previous 'realities' have to give way, but you may find instead that nothing just equals nothing, and something equals something. what's important is the relationship between what is real and what is not, and how what was assumed to be real is now out of the way, letting you see what IS real. explore reality.
nothingness is just a concept, because obviously there is something. is it just your interpretations that are nothing?


so, have you seen the reality of no-self, and do you, now?

you haven't seen it - as in, you haven't found any 'self' in control of life?
or you haven't seen it - as in, you haven't seen the fact that there actually isn't any self in control of life?

it seems like you have, according to the story. so was it just a story?

I haven't seen it, as in there is no "I" seeing anything. There is just what's happening. Nothing is seing life as it unfolds. There is just the flow of things happening. The "I" is nothing more that just another "thing" happening - in this case just a belief happening, nothing more. There isn't a separate constant called "I" that sees life.

no, everything (that IS actually a 'thing') is real. it is one, huge, very real thing.
what is a dream is the interpretation that there is an existing separated quality - self/you/soul - experiencing that reality, and any experiences that follow on from that.
(well, actually, the experience is still real, it is the basis of that experience that is not. so the depression you experience from a belief about a self is real, but the supposed cause for that belief is not.)

Yes, that is so. We have misunderstanding about the meaning of dream and reality. I don't call real anything that is boud by time, and that is any-thing. In this sense, the "I" is just another thing - it is felt one moment and not felt the other. Anyway, I agree with you the way you put it in words. That's a general problem with words - it's impossible to put life in words. The constant flow of life is real in its wholeness, but there isn't separate "things" in it that have separate reality, so there is no real separate thing.

so, have you seen the reality of no-self, and do you, now?

There isn't anyone to see it. It just has been seen cristal clear :) Actually, it is not even "seen". IT JUST IS.