Ready to break through

[Trey]

Hello Liberation Guide

It is wild how having been on this spiritual seeker path for forty some years (this body is 55) and in sitting down to type this post the stomach went nuts and had to lie down for a half hour, feels like this is going to work.

I skimmed the book and read intently four of the case examples doing several of the written suggestions (enlightenment defined etc.) besides - not meditating but really contemplating and beseeching the power that is for Grace on this.

The mental imagery of the movie theater/screen, going through and seriously looking for the me/myself/I to be from previous "spiritual" practices have been tried before. Like this morning in arising and being aware the feeling was like that was fun from the "I" what games are you going to play today.

So this evening after wrestling with, reading, watching your videos it felt time to throw the hat in the ring so to speak. As "I" usually do not like to ask for help, one of those, do it on ones own is not gaining ground on this.

The hope is here that this does not sound wishy washy as this being is beyond fervently in the gig is up and so way past time for this hurdle to get on with Real Life.

I am not the doctor here but in these last two days it seems it is more of something in feeling or the heart that does not want to give way no matter what and is using every smoke and mirror trick to be avoid at what it thinks is totally unsafe or completely dangerous to even try.

So grab your ginsu knives and hip waders as there is deep trust in from the reading of the pdf the abilities here are in compassion but firmness gets to the goal.

Thanks for your time and energy on this truly life giving matter to me at least

Sincerely with infinite love and gratitude,

Trey

[idolanuel]

Hi Trey,

It looks like you are excited :-)

My name is Ido and I'd love to guide you.

If that is OK with you, than there are a few things that we both should agree on:
1) During the time of this process, please don't practice any kind of spiritual practices and don't read any spiritual material, including LU materials.
2) Please write at least one message a day, even if to say that 2day u can't make it. This is important in order to keep a good, progressing pace.
3) Honesty is the key. Write exactly what u feel, exactly how u feel it.
4) Say to yourself: "I'm ready to leave all stories and ideas behind and just look at my direct experience"

If you accept it all, we can begin:

feels like this is going to work.

What is going to happen when it works?

[Trey]

Hello Ido,

First off thank you so very much.
Next is not sure in the operation of the user interface as it just clicking on the topic i posted then scroll down to see your response? as in getting here this time i had selected the notify when a reply comes in and clicked the go to in the email?

to answer the question - What is going to happen when it works?
the dropping of self - the illusion “me” "I", a shift of perspective,
the veil drops so to speak, so in turn one just Is with what IS instead of projecting onto it.

[Trey]

and YES on full agreement with all 4 points. and read out loud point four, having been doing that the last two days as sort of a mantra.

[idolanuel]

and YES on full agreement with all 4 points.

Good. I'm very happy to be a part of this process.

and read out loud point four, having been doing that the last two days as sort of a mantra.

When saying outloud "I'm ready to leave all stories behind and just look",
Who is this I, who is ready to leave all stories behind?

[idolanuel]

Regarding the user interface,
Please notice that on the most upper part of the screen, right under the black nevigation menu, there is a colored menu that one of its tabs is "view your posts". Pressing it, you will find a direct link to our discussion (and in the future, every other discussion in which you'll take part).

[Trey]

thanks for the info on the interface, one other question on this is there any difference between the Submit button and Post Reply button on the bottom left of the page?

the question of who is this "I" ready to leave all stories behind. That is the million dollar question now.
mentally "I" (again with the I), know seeing this is the illusion, there is no doer, to uproot what has been so reinforced, like knowing there is no santa claus, but that illusive realization the physical form typing this is just as unreal. This is why "I" is here to get to Being and drop the I'ing.

[Trey]

let me reword the part of "but that illusive realization the physical form typing this is just as unreal" to the physical form just Is in all the IS'ness and there is no "I" doing it, just typing now as other senses are just doing their thing in the now, it is all the mental commentary, judgements, mis-perception this feeling of "I" in the location called the head. and what is feeling that and now rambling on.

[Trey]

oh yes another point, seeing is just happening, it is that this "I" has been placed in front of it, confusing itself for the real thing, like a parasite hijacking its host, but as the two previous emails a lot of descriptions, understandings, but the lack of internal realization of it.

[idolanuel]

thanks for the info on the interface, one other question on this is there any difference between the Submit button and Post Reply button on the bottom left of the page?

I think that the submit button is the button who sends the answer to the website, while the post reply button just opens the writing window.

mentally "I" (again with the I), know seeing this is the illusion.

Is it a knowing of the mind or a deep realization?
Look. In your direct experience of the NOW, who are you?

Please take the time to play with that question. Look.

[Trey]

Action report: Direct Experience of Now.
ie Who are you Now.

RRRRGGGGHHH!
in mental knots in trying, and whom is doing that, aye yi yi

Knowing it is not thinking and no amount of mental analysis, comparison, analogies, - mental gymnastics so to speak is going to mount the summit. Ok
Bare with the me here though, yes it is grasping at straws and getting close only counts in horseshoes and water balloons, this detailed account is only for some pointers on actions that increase the probability for the switch of perspective to occur.

Yet I have the feeling that it really does not make one damn difference what one is doing. It is only the intent or focus and bringing it back repeatedly when distracted by thought to just being aware of the question (as this one) and seeing what is arising, and if the switch happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't and all the effort to make it happen is just the mind with its games???

On this inquiry -
so for 2 hours
in a semi reclined position on my bed with eyes closed, a few conscious breaths then focusing on the question, saying it out loud, feeling how the body felt in speaking out loud.
feelings arising are like so so Angry!, Frustrated!!!
as having been so duped from the beginning of when the brain switched from Is to I - then the feelings of deep sorrow come in and tears just start to well up.
Then screaming wants to enter the picture with the word of, my god my god why are you doing this me,
And behind there is an awareness of sorts, just doing it to the “myself”.
and the cycle just repeated a few times

then a calm sort of settled with of course of mental discourse on different commentary on insights that were taking place, so the ping pong began of insights “trying to be helpful” and just going back to the question,

the next hour i switched off between looking a mirror into my own eyes again saying the question out loud and the non direct stare of just looking straight forward without focusing on anything, then just observing around the room watching the mind wanting to name everything.

It was interesting observing the body, going for a glass of soda without saying so to speak body pick up that glass, bring it to my lips, you know the drill. There seemed to be a space there, cannot put it into words but like catching something out of the corner of your eye.

Do you know the movie Predator, with its stealth technique the only way to see it is there is by the light refractive effect? OR as it was documented the native americans were not able to see the ships when they first arrived as they had never seen ships before. Only the medicine man of the tribe saw them first as he recognized the effects on the waves coming ashore and then looked was able to see them. This rambling is for an analogy only as to I feel, one cannot really see Is, or feel it, it is an experience, a reversal of sorts like when one cannot at first see one of those magic eye 3-d images, then it magically appears by Relaxing the eyes.

Alright this is turning into a novel and knowing you have other stuff to do today,
in conclusion,
being extremely tired after three hours i took a half hour cat nap, then ate, then just sat again for maybe a half hour just looking around the living room, always coming back and mentally repeating the question.

I watched a couple of National geographic half hour online nature programs.
then the phone rang and had a long conversation with a friend in nyc,
did some emails,
went to a meeting in town,
came home ate,
again sat quietly for twenty minutes then went to bed.

All the time just calmly coming back to this question, paying attention to any body sensations, listening to the sounds around, etc. etc.

Whew, THANK You for your time and patiences Ido,

From that rambling - comments, suggestions?

Trey

[Trey]

one quick note, as in typing this, becoming more aware of "I"
meaning what was written in the previous email keep referring to "I"ing do this doing that, it is so much of an engrained habit.
so yes on now, it is always just happening, it is in thought form mentally, working at always being aware of this, only had forgotten to mention this in the email. It is difficult to being aware, yet constantly going back on automatic.

Thanks again with infinite love and gratitude
Trey

[Trey]

another conjecture - it is like earnestly giving up ownership of anything, internally there is a feeling of loss/sorrow coming on.

[Trey]

Staying with this thought train or feeling to take it further, again though is that the “I” as if it is doing it, very tricky here.
Because as one keeps going back to thoughts, entertaining them, there is still a feeling of ownership. This really seems to require a great deal of Trust, permitting all the emotions to come up, as one is sort dying, that does not scare me, opps hanging onto thought again, hummm
Like renouncing thinking, but that does not mean one stops thinking, one cannot stop that process, it is like a recognition that, that is not whom “I” is
it is just sort of a felt experience.
It is funny because now thoughts come flooding in like email it email it, am i doing good, am i getting it right, ahh the good boy, boy scout syndrome kicking in high gear here.

But your responses are really looked forward to and just being so so grateful for this opportunity finally gain ground it feels towards finally falling into the rabbit hole.

Just in the writing of that sentence, clearer seeing, recognizing the experiencing of feeling of owning and so to speak giving ownership, which there is no ownership either direction. hummmm

i have to stop this brain is starting to hurt, seriously! but bring it on!!!

[Trey]

Direct Experience of Now.
ie Who are you Now.
This intellectually and in a sense of internal feeling arises - it is what is, all the rest is commentary.
hummmm, how to embody just being without objectifying a sense of a self onto everything.