The Gate

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
Anything that could be identified and labeled a self (as well as the act of labelling and the very concept of “self”) is a limited appearance within awareness and therefore cannot be that which is aware of all appearances.

What are you looking for at LU?
I have had glimpses of emptiness/no-self and enjoyed the reduction in stress and anxiety that seems to have resulted from those glimpses. But, I still spend a lot of the time habitually identifying with the stories that arise about my past and believing the thoughts that say I need to take the correct action in the present and future. My hope is that engaging in a more structured inquiry process will help me keep the truth of no-self in mind more of the time and recognize these mistaken beliefs as they arise.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I imagine that a guide will be able to help by pointing out blind spots, for example when I am subtly attached to a conceptual understanding of nonduality in a way that is getting in the way of a direct experience of reality.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I started meditating 15 years ago, first basic mindfulness and then Goenka-style Vipassana, encouraged by an improvement in my symptoms of depression. Around 2016, I started combining meditation with psychedelics and my practice began to feel more explicitly spiritual. I had many powerful experiences that seemed to point to a transcendent reality but I did not have a clear sense of how they related to my everyday life. From 2019-2021 I lived at a meditation center and practiced fairly intensely, focusing on lovingkindness/compassion and jhana practice. I got a lot of benefits from this in terms of opening my heart and my energy body, but looking back I was still very much in the mode of seeking out intense and/or special experiences. In early 2025, shortly after my son was born, I became very interested in the nature of awareness itself and found myself trying more and more to become aware of awareness throughout the day. This was accompanied for a few months by what seemed to be kundalini phenomena, although those faded away for the most part without much effect. I continued to explore the teachings of Adyashanti and Loch Kelly and began to notice a sharp drop-off in the feeling of seeking something. This past year, I was introduced to Kat Van Oudheusden and have been practicing direct inquiry with the support of her books and meetings. One result of this has been a much clearer recognition of that which is beyond the limits of the conceptual mind. I still have a daily seated meditation practice, which is for the most part a pure “just sitting” practice with occasional brief periods of lovingkindness or mindfulness of breathing, but with the recognition that these techniques arise spontaneously without anyone deciding to do them.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
9

Good morning,

You may have already seen what LU is here to show you, the dropping if the first 3 fetters of self, doubt & rituals There are groups that go into the other 7.

First, is it like what is described in these videos?

It won't be 24/7. There's likely to.be a "honeymoon period," and then what we call, "got it, lost it," as untruebeliefs come up to be questioned.

Watch this, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

Loving,

Good morning,

You may have already seen what LU is here to show you, the dropping if the first 3 fetters of self, doubt & rituals

Yes, that could be the case. I feel fairly certain that I have seen the illusory nature of the separate self directly, although the habit of thinking and acting as if I was a separate self is still strong, and still describes my experience most of the time.

First, is it like what is described in these videos?

My experience has some things in common with the videos, although I would say that both the blissful states and the frustrated states are less intense than what they seem to be describing. I had a month or two where I felt like I was really getting a more-than-conceptual understanding of my true nature, although difficult emotional experiences still arose, maybe with slightly less frequency than usual. Then a few weeks ago, a big change in my external circumstances occurred, and I was again preoccupied with thoughts about what "I have to do" and emotional reactions that seem to depend on there being a me who is affected by circumstances. I wouldn't say that doubts are arising about the authenticity of my previous glimpses, more that there is a lot of tension and stress arising that I would tend to associate with belief in a separate self, and I don't seem to have enough presence to see through the underlying belief during those moments.

How would I confirm that I have dropped the first 3 fetters or seen what LU is here to show me? And where do I go from there?

By answering these questions concisely. Your answers will be shared with other guides, who may have questions.


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? (or before you saw there's no "self") Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660


Loving

Thanks for sending these questions. I'm sorry I haven't replied yet. I just moved into a new house this week and between unpacking and taking care of a two year-old I haven't had a moment to sit down and reflect. Hopefully within the next week things will have settled down enough that I can post a response. Already I noticing some concerns arising about being able to write from direct experience without being too influenced by an intellectual idea of what the "correct" nondual answers should be.

Take your time & don't use thoughts to answer. Keep it simple.

Loving