1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
The separate self doesn't exist as it seems. When thoughts collapse, no separation from what is is possible. What seems to exist is the illusion that something is separate through thought. When examined, only thought is discovered. It is what happens when verbally and non verbally I am is transformed into I am X. That X is only a thought. No separate entity can be discovered in direct experience. In that sense, there is no self.
I am seems to be prior to my examination, my doubts, my inquiry. It simply is and is self-evident. It is not found in any objects and cannot rest anywhere in particular. It is not the product of a process. It is not acquired nor lost. It exists before I label it to be existing or not existing, as existence is just a label. It is prior to any realization.
So to answer, no separate self exists, never existed and never will exist. However, what remains when the separate self drops is the I am that neither exists nor doesn't exist. Nothing can be said about it without creating illusions.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
On a conceptual level, a separate self is a concept. A mere thought. Thought can lead to illusions when they are believed to be a substitute for reality. Me seems to point towards something, and whatever that something is is our identification: I am this name, I am this job, I am this body, I am this value system, I am this practice, I am this religion/spiritual path, I am the universe, I am God, I am nothing, etc, etc. However none of those thoughts are other than a thought. When actually examined in direct experience, none of those can be found without excluding some other aspects of experience: the identification is ineffective, and needs constant reinforcement to stay alive. This is one of the many ways the self-concept generates struggle and suffering.
However, understanding this on an intellectual level is not enough. We actually need to become conscious of the deeper patterns of the self-delusion. One of the core mechanism is the belief that it is possible to separate from what is. What is is what is. It came to be because of conditions and cannot be avoided. This avoidance generates tremendous suffering and operate in a complex, multi-layered way. Most of what is avoided doesn't even exist: a bad self-concept, a story about the world and people. And we can go on whole journeys trying to fix, to heal, to grow it away. A spiritual journey is such a journey. Then, even the teachings about self-realization can be used to reinforce patterns of avoidance. But the avoidance is ultimately ineffective, reality has a way to shine despite our illusions. That unknown territory is what we are afraid of, and is the ground of self-belief.
In my experience, selfing is still operational and emerges from time to time. Selfing emerged out of conditions and has a momentum of its own. Trying to fix the separate self is another selfing mechanism. But every selfing episode is a wonderful opportunity to discover something unexamined.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
I didn't participate in dialogue, but I can talk about my own trajectory. In my present experience, I do not feel in a certain way about this. This might change if I'm engaged with selfing, in which case I might feel afraid, angry, shameful or guilty. I used to be fascinated but very afraid about this. I had a lot of hopes as well, but inevitably the disillusionment came.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It was a story of jealousy. My ex was flirting with a guy. A body contraction came and a sense of suffering. When examined stories of past childhood abandonment, stories about how it is not safe to lose the connection with someone, etc came to be examined. I was helped by Vince's group and could see through it. It was then released.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
> Decision
A decision is what happens when my thoughts seems to be at the origin of actions. In a deeper way, a decision could be said to have formed from reality itself, but takes time to get itself known as a thought.
Recently, a decision to leave the community I live in came to mind. It seemed to be a result of growing dissatisfaction and reactivity. I came to the conclusion that the place was not the right place for me. However, it seems that knowing so no decision was really taking place. One morning, I just knew that I would leave. If I really look at it, it would seem that the decision itself had nothing to do with my reactions. It could be said a decision is simply when we realize that the pattern of reality has changed, and all the reactive process of the mind around it.
> Intention
An intention. It is a future oriented thought. It is a statement of the orientation of our thought patterns in the present moment. It can reflect the needs of the organism, but also the desires of the separate self. It differs from a goal because in it is the knowledge of the lack of control, it is simply the description of the willingness to orient towards something without knowing how and if it will lead to the desired result.
In my recent experience leading groups, I observed that creating a safe space where people are vulnerable leads to the loosening of the reactive patterns. I realized that connection is one way of liberation. That created the intention to examine the relationship between awakening and deep connection between people. The intention do not create any action of itself, it is just a statement of what seems to be the current orientation which may or may not result to actions.
Maybe an intention is just clarity about the current selfing.
> Free will
Free will is an illusion created by the belief in the separate self. By free will, it is usually meant: I'm in control. Which really means: I can control myself and reality through my thoughts. On the other hand, free will could be said to be the will of the Self, or what reality freely is. Of course what is and what is willed in this case are one and the same. So maybe it is total control or free will. What emerges emerges freely without any opposition.
I can't retrieve any memories of free will or find it in direct experience. It seems that it was all necessary. Maybe it was the striving for freedom, as in my spiritual journey that was my "experience" of free will, albeit in the future oriented thoughts. I wanted to be free of the separate self/suffering that appeared as an obstacle to my freedom. If I do this meditation, this practice, follow this teaching, then I will truly be free from myself. But this was yet another form of selfing.
> Choice
A lot of the things I wrote about decision applies also here. Choice is a tricky one, but is an illusion nonetheless. If "choice is an illusion" is merely a thought, then it can be used to do some serious bypassing. However it can be realized. Choice seems to be the result of a decision. The moment when the direction of experience gets still for a time. But did I choose to choose? No. A choice appeared. Often, choices are made before we can accept them or become conscious of them. So who makes the choice?
A recent memory is when I chose to withdraw from a festival I was planning on participating. When I realized that I couldn't make it financially speaking, I stopped and had a reaction. At the end of the process I chose to withdraw from going. It seems to me that the process were more of the dropping of resistance to the choice.
> Control
Control is the illusion that thought can be used to influence ourselves or events. In this sense, control doesn't exist. But the striving for control does exist: if I do my morning routine, if I follow this teaching, if I think positively, if I am nice enough, If I do X and Y, if I am loving and compassionate, etc, etc. A striving for control is an expectation about the future, no more no less. And it is just a thought. No control can be found in the present, things simply appear, but I may maybe find control in the future.
A good example for me would be money. If I had enough money, then I would. That is the illusion of control. Even if I had the money, I'm not the author of actions. More actions may emerge, but it will emerge as part of reality's expression, not as my control.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
Do things happen at all? Something seems to happen when I compare a memory to what is present, that is when I create the illusion of time. But here, everything is as it is. Differences are illusions created by the mind: it seems that there is something different happening, that there is a separate self that has a body, a story and a destiny that this separate self is separate from a thing called the world, with its objects. On the other hand, you could say that reality is pure happening: that it is never the same and yet remaining as it is.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
I really find this question interesting. Just like choice, saying that there is no responsibility can be used to bypass, as an avoidance mechanism. I am not responsible therefore I can avoid this, or do this, etc. That's just control under mascarading as wisdom. However, if there is no decision, intention, free will, choice and control, what is the meaning of responsibility?
I may be responsible: the needs of the body, the emotional needs of the separate self, the needs of the beings all depends on my actions to be fulfilled. However, who is doing those actions? Actions are done by themselves. Without striving to be a responsible person, there is responsibility that emerges out of myself. What can be looked at is how patterns of behavior often hides identification.
Another way of looking at it is that there seems to be an inherent desire for the wellfare of all beings in my "self". A responsibility here could be to allow this compassionate nature to exist and to express itself, therefore to look into where reality seems to be obstructed.
Ultimately, when selfing is here, a responsibility to look into it is present. When selfing dissolves, no responsibility remains.
Anything to add?
No! That was a lot of thinking, it's quite tiring haha.