Stuck. Please help.
Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2026 5:15 am
LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
My understanding from personal experience is this: I can shift into the sense of I AM, and from there, I see that there is “no real inherent self”, which to me means that thoughts, feelings and sensations are just happening and old patterns are just playing out. The ME character is dissolved and I feel like a witness to the selfing movements.
What are you looking for at LU?
The sense of I AM appears to not be stable nor fully clear, and even when it is present, there is a new identification with the witness. Stories of the “me” and identification with thoughts have greatly decreased but the sense of control is still often present and I seem to be caught in a lot of reactivity. I am looking for help noticing where I am still assuming or defending a self, and for clear questions or pointers that bring the inquiry back to direct experience.
What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect to be questioned on my direct experience of self, repeatedly, patiently and thoughtfully. I expect the guide to then determine which pointers or questions would be most helpful to work with to see through the self once and for all.
What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I started meditation and attending retreats 20 years ago, I loved the meditation then and easily sat for hours. Then life happened and sitting meditation stopped but the feeling of something being off in life really took a hold. I instinctively started regularly debunking commonly held societal beliefs, I got into manifestation for a while, and then synchronicities started to happen. There was no denying that the reality as it had been sold to me was not the truth. Then I started to experience a certain resonance with truth and experienced flow states where I was aware that movement was happening through me and I was not the controller during these states.
This all led me two years ago, to non duality teachers and groups, where I cycled with great rapidity from Tolle to Spira to Jed McKenna to Ram Dass and many others (including the Gateless Gate Crashers book), and finally settled with Adyashanti and Angello Dilullo. For the first year, there was an almost obsessive and urgent need for conceptual knowledge, with very little desire for inquiry or practice. Then I felt seeking stopping and I didn’t want to do anything with spiritually for a few months.
Then the message appeared “Go into the body” and I started IFS therapy and doing a lot of shadow work, working with sensations. Then the sense of “I AM” came during a retreat, but I didn't recognise it as a doorway because my main teacher doesn't work with that. His focus on self-inquiry didn't work well for me because it seemed so heady, and I got trapped in thoughts. A video of Nisargadatta appeared on my feed called “I AM THAT’ and that did it. I then just rested in I AM, and I felt a clear shift one night a few months ago. But the sense of I AM and of not being the controller seem to have lessened with time, and energy and reactivity is occurring (mostly without a story). Right now I just go with what is coming up energetically and allowing it. I’m pretty aversive to meditation, it really bores me. Self-inquiry like “who am I” traps me in thoughts, although I do inquiry into beliefs and often see through them. I have worked with the 10 fether model. These days, I either 1. trust the energy that is very present, engage with it or observe it, and I assume that it will show me something but I don’t know what, 2. Listen to non dual videos or books not to learn but just to resonate with it, or 3. Rest in the sense of I AM, witnessing thoughts and sensations that feel to me like they are apart from me during that time.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11
My understanding from personal experience is this: I can shift into the sense of I AM, and from there, I see that there is “no real inherent self”, which to me means that thoughts, feelings and sensations are just happening and old patterns are just playing out. The ME character is dissolved and I feel like a witness to the selfing movements.
What are you looking for at LU?
The sense of I AM appears to not be stable nor fully clear, and even when it is present, there is a new identification with the witness. Stories of the “me” and identification with thoughts have greatly decreased but the sense of control is still often present and I seem to be caught in a lot of reactivity. I am looking for help noticing where I am still assuming or defending a self, and for clear questions or pointers that bring the inquiry back to direct experience.
What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect to be questioned on my direct experience of self, repeatedly, patiently and thoughtfully. I expect the guide to then determine which pointers or questions would be most helpful to work with to see through the self once and for all.
What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I started meditation and attending retreats 20 years ago, I loved the meditation then and easily sat for hours. Then life happened and sitting meditation stopped but the feeling of something being off in life really took a hold. I instinctively started regularly debunking commonly held societal beliefs, I got into manifestation for a while, and then synchronicities started to happen. There was no denying that the reality as it had been sold to me was not the truth. Then I started to experience a certain resonance with truth and experienced flow states where I was aware that movement was happening through me and I was not the controller during these states.
This all led me two years ago, to non duality teachers and groups, where I cycled with great rapidity from Tolle to Spira to Jed McKenna to Ram Dass and many others (including the Gateless Gate Crashers book), and finally settled with Adyashanti and Angello Dilullo. For the first year, there was an almost obsessive and urgent need for conceptual knowledge, with very little desire for inquiry or practice. Then I felt seeking stopping and I didn’t want to do anything with spiritually for a few months.
Then the message appeared “Go into the body” and I started IFS therapy and doing a lot of shadow work, working with sensations. Then the sense of “I AM” came during a retreat, but I didn't recognise it as a doorway because my main teacher doesn't work with that. His focus on self-inquiry didn't work well for me because it seemed so heady, and I got trapped in thoughts. A video of Nisargadatta appeared on my feed called “I AM THAT’ and that did it. I then just rested in I AM, and I felt a clear shift one night a few months ago. But the sense of I AM and of not being the controller seem to have lessened with time, and energy and reactivity is occurring (mostly without a story). Right now I just go with what is coming up energetically and allowing it. I’m pretty aversive to meditation, it really bores me. Self-inquiry like “who am I” traps me in thoughts, although I do inquiry into beliefs and often see through them. I have worked with the 10 fether model. These days, I either 1. trust the energy that is very present, engage with it or observe it, and I assume that it will show me something but I don’t know what, 2. Listen to non dual videos or books not to learn but just to resonate with it, or 3. Rest in the sense of I AM, witnessing thoughts and sensations that feel to me like they are apart from me during that time.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11