Am here to deconstruct my ‘self’

[Jarf1shRaw]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
From my understanding there is only unbound awareness, like the source of life itself. However, most of us become entangled in the illusion of the world which we perceive through our five senses, leading us to view ourselves as separate. The mind/ego creates narratives and positionalities about this 'self' we think we are, cutting us off from truth

What are you looking for at LU? To dismantle all that is false in my perception, to help me dissolve the ego/mind and become a channel of unconditional love. I want to speed up the process of awakening so I can get entangled less and less in thought forms.

I'm hoping Liberation Unleashed can point out my blind spots and help me increase my awareness of what is coming from 'mind' and what is coming from my intuition. To be honest I now see this as my life path and value nothing more than realisation of Self. I want to let go of my false sense of self to this permanent flow state and trust completely. I'm sick of muddying my perception with assumptions, narratives and descriptions of things when I know just how beautiful life can be when all the chatter ceases. After having glimpses of no mind, I just want to increase the capacity to realize this, and believe your process could really help.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I guess I expect to have deeply embedded beliefs challenged. It could really open me up to seeing where I'm still holding on to thought forms which are ultimately forms of resistance. Having someone guide me through this could be really helpful because me just reading about non-duality and self-inquiring/meditating is good but I could still be forming a 'spiritual ego' and might be unaware of when it is in play. The guided conversation could help me dismantle everything false and bridge the gap from perception to direct experience.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I first got into Dr Joe Dispenza’s meditations a couple of years ago, practising “becoming no one” and feeling into infinite space to shift my emotional state into gratitude and love. At the time, I was doing it all for self-improvement and manifestation — chasing mystical experiences and success. Looking back, I was trying to control life rather than let it unfold. I avoided my shadow, judged myself for feeling negative emotions, and didn’t realise how much I was suppressing.

Then life stopped me in my tracks. I got ill with what doctors called long covid or chronic fatigue — constantly exhausted, sometimes spitting blood, and unable to do the things that once defined me. I’d always seen myself as the athlete, the hard worker, the guy who could force life to bend with enough discipline. But now I could barely get out of bed. That collapse of identity was the first crack — I began to see I couldn’t control anything, and something deeper in me started to turn inward.

In that space, I found Letting Go by David R. Hawkins, and it completely resonated. It was my first introduction to non-duality. Instead of trying to create or fix reality, I began surrendering to it. I started feeling into emotions instead of resisting them, and slowly began to make peace with pain as pure sensation rather than a personal punishment.
Soon after, I had an appendectomy, and later unexplained pain returned, which doctors couldn’t explain. I kept practising surrender throughout — feeling the pain, staying with awareness rather than the mind’s stories about it. Even in the hospital, I could sense that life was guiding me deeper into trust and humility.

Then my dad passed suddenly from a heart attack, and that completely broke me open. The grief became my teacher. I spent hours just sitting with raw emotion, crying, and resting as the awareness behind it. There was agony, but within it, a profound stillness — like something was dying that was never real in the first place.

Since then, self-inquiry has become the centre of my life. I spend most days surrendering into sensation, investigating the “I” that claims ownership of experience. Fear, pain, and even the thought of death have become invitations into peace. I’ve had moments of feeling my awareness being “sucked out” of the body during sleep or meditation — what used to cause panic now feels like dissolving into the infinite.

Life now feels lighter and more effortless. The world looks more vivid, almost luminous — the texture of reality itself feels alive. I find myself more still, less reactive, and more open. The journey started as a search for power, but has turned into a falling away of the one who was searching.

Overall, I’m in a place where everything has become a means for awakening. I often inquire, “Why is this happening for me?” rather than “to me.” Still, I have moments of unconsciousness, resistance, or contraction — times when I catch myself identifying with mind and seeking relief rather than resting as awareness. There’s a longing to stabilise the glimpses of unconditional love into a fully lived truth, and I sense that what remains is the ego’s fear of total dissolution. This is where I feel Liberation Unleashed can help — to see through that last layer of illusion and live from what’s always been here.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?

[graceabounds]

Hello,

Thanks for your patience in waiting for a guide. I’m happy to be present with you here.

To begin with, could you tell me:

What are your expectations for this process?
What will be different when you are on the other side?
What do you want not to happen?
What are you looking forward to?

With gratitude and love,
Becca

[Jarf1shRaw]

Hi Becca

Thanks for being my guide!

I expect the process will open me up even more, and force me to face old patterns that have been hidden in the unconscious part of me. I expect the process to be uncomfortable and sometimes intense, yet liberating at the same time, making me have to surrender everything in the process and ultimately will have to give up my separate self/identity again and again, facing death until there is no perception of a separate self and no fear of death, but realisation of eternal love.

When I'm on the other side, a by product of that will mean I flow in life much better and have a firmer sense of 'ease' and less if not no struggle and perception of separation.
I don't expect things to be less painful but i expect my attention to be so absorbed into the present reality of the sensations, that i won't 'suffer' in the mental plane.

What I want not to happen is for me to completely abandon my career as a rap artist as I love making music that uplifts people and have found my calling to be a conscious creator. However, if there's one thing I would not want to happen from awakening it is that I reach such a blissful state of being that I decide I don't need to do anything and become a meditating recluse in a state of ecstasy whilst everyone else needs me. I want to be able to balance these things, and flow instead of being a workaholic, or alternatively 'blissing out' and not doing anything on the external. Ultimately, awakening trumps everything else for me so if this does happen for a while then so be it, but I feel in my heart that me making music can be a vehicle for love to the world.

I'm looking forward to a life of spontaneity and unconditional love. Of feeling connected and whole with existence, instead of constantly falling for the illusion, so I can be of best service to all of life whilst letting life flow through me.

[graceabounds]

Hello,

It is impossible to not have expectations with all the material out there to read and then compare oneself to and evaluate, so thank you for the honesty here.

What you wrote is beautiful, but also fantastical. Written by a self still wanting the things that it attaches to: this identity of unconditional love, service, purpose, balance.
Awakening removes the illusion that any of this is *yours* in the first place.

What you can expect is that absolutely nothing will change, but everything will be different.

Having someone guide me through this could be really helpful because me just reading about non-duality and self-inquiring/meditating is good but I could still be forming a 'spiritual ego' and might be unaware of when it is in play. The guided conversation could help me dismantle everything false and bridge the gap from perception to direct experience.

Yes. The spiritual ego is not able to come along for this ride…
The false will fall and what is will remain.
The only other thing you can reasonably expect is the seeking energy, to the extent that it is present, will dissipate.


Here at LU we assist in the exploration of the idea of a separate self. This is actually not a debate or even a philosophy — it is a guiding based on experience that brings a shift in perception. We point directly to what is through simple exercises, questions, and dialogue.

What is expected from you is to LOOK carefully into what is being pointed at. It is this simple LOOKING (not thinking, not imagining, not remembering) that brings a shift in perception. We call this Direct Experience (DE): looking into what the senses report here and now, stripped of thought-story.

So for this process to work, your answers need to be 100% honest, not relying on thought, memory, or imagination, but reporting only what is directly seen in experience.

So to begin,
please read and say to yourself several times: *There is no separate self, there never was, there never will be*

After each time you read or say it, notice what happens, feelings, sensations, thoughts, movements... And write here what is noticed.

Don't try to get anything right, just share what is seen, unfiltered. Generally this process will be driven by seeing what is already happening, what is already the case. What is effortlessly seen while engaging questions and exercises is what is important. What you actually write me is secondary to that.

With love,
Becca

[Jarf1shRaw]

Thanks Becca

At first I felt a slight feeling of excitement with thought of the truth behind this statement as if it contains great power to realise it. Then I felt slight restlessness and a little uncomfortable as I repeated it almost like going into a trance but knowing this to be true and how I'm starting to realise this even though 'I've' lived all this lifetime thinking I'm a somebody.

I started feeling into the sensations in my body as I spoke, feeling the vibrations of the words coming out of my body, and starting to feel a little 'weird', noticing thoughts like "this is like being a hive-mind consciousness like out of the cartoon rick and morty"

It also made feel into the tightness and pain in the body.

Thanks
Jarfish :)

[graceabounds]

Hello Jarfish,

Very good.

Where in the body is this tightness and pain that arises with this exploration?

'I've' lived all this lifetime thinking I'm a somebody

Who?
Who is this “I” that lived this lifetime?
Find it right now. Locate this “somebody.” Point to it. Feel into it. Where is it, exactly?

Look again at the direct sensations of what’s happening right now. Pain? Tightness? Weirdness? Fine. Is there a separate someone experiencing those sensations or just sensations arising?

noticing thoughts like "this is like being a hive-mind consciousness like out of the cartoon rick and morty"

Where did that thought come from?
Who thought it?

Can you find the thinker?

-Becca

[Jarf1shRaw]

The tension is in my calfs, back and stomach and the pain in the ribs, chest and back. Sometimes intense sensation of unease in the belly as well.

Good question. I is the space that has pervaded this experience the whole time. Where it feels like I'm feeling from. At first I feel into the head but zoom out and feel it is dispersed to my whole experience of sensations, emotions and thoughts.

The same space that these thoughts appear on is what feels like I. As even when 'I'm' preoccupied with thoughts it's beneath the thought making it possible for the thoughts to arise, and then when the realization of how 'I'm' thinking occurs, I am back in this state of presence which is the thinker/feeler.

[graceabounds]

I is the space that has pervaded this experience the whole time. Where it feels like I'm feeling from.

That’s still a subtle self-image. It is seductive, the idea of a pervasive background “I”… some presence, field, container, or awareness that everything appears to. But you just swapped “I am this body” for “I am the space it’s all happening in.”

Now look directly at this moment, this belly unease, this rib pain, the tension in the calves, or whatever is here, without adding “I am feeling this.”
Just raw sensation.
Is there anywhere (in the body, in space, in thoughts) that you can find an experiencer?

Look before the label “presence.”
Where is the one it’s happening to?

The same space that these thoughts appear on is what feels like I

Oh, and where specifically, relative to the body,is the space that thoughts appear? Where are they known?

[Jarf1shRaw]

True say. It's just swapping the label haha.

I can't say I can find where there is an 'experiencer' but I still feel aware. Is this the 'I AM'?

It's starting to feel like presence is already happening in and of itself. Just like the thinking and the feelings.

This inquiry made me both chuckle and rest in something that feels more real.

How do I realise this more and more?

[graceabounds]

Yes,exactly… thinking, feeling, sensing, presence are all just happening. No owner. No experiencer. No center.

Let all the labels go. “I AM” is just another label, another concept. Another veil. Something read about, a thought. There is no ultimate “I” lurking behind experience. There’s just experience.

How do I realise this more and more?

There is no one who will realize anything.
There is only realizing. already occurring. right here.

It IS already happening, and always has been.

Sit quietly and relax, take your time just looking at what is in front of you for a while. Observe how the mind is dividing and labeling every thing into objects and is embellishing them with stories about what they are.
Give it some time…
Then, stop watching the objects as labeled objects. Just look at the seeing itself. Observe the pure process of seeing. This is direct experience.

[Jarf1shRaw]

Understood. Thanks!

Do I need to keep asking questions to keep this thread going or should I just come back if there's a want for another inquiry?

I know it says post everyday but this definitely feels like I will just be asking the same question in a different way. What has been explained seems like something that'll keep reinforcing itself.

Jarfish

[graceabounds]

We keep going until there is clear seeing. The pace is up to you. If any resistance to looking emerges then definitely post every day.

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. It builds upon the last. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

So for example, when having breakfast, become aware of:
Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all actual/direct experience) and report back what is noticed.

[Jarf1shRaw]

Cool thanks for that, felt a little more resistance today and lost in thought more, not sure if it was cos I was more tired than usual (this is just a thought as well lol)

But yeah I will practice this as often as I can remember!

Will come back for more inquiry when i need

Best
Jarfish

[graceabounds]

Sounds good.

-Becca

[Jarf1shRaw]

Hey I've been applying this whenever I remember and have noticed myself feeling into sensation naturally more. I've also noticed I've become less reactive at times and am more aware of when I'm holding on to something. Feels like 'letting go' is becoming more something that is realized is already happening rather than me making it happen, but there are still many moments when I'm purposely inquiring and feeling into sensation otherwise attention would be elsewhere.

I guess my question today is do I just keep bringing it back to sensations consciously until I realise I'm always in sensation?

Thanks
Jarfish