The Gate

What does left leg want?

something fairly distressed answers.
Soreness comes.
feels like a rock.
it opens...
i feel it radiating out to the backside of the torso


now I just feel the "central tension of the heart",( which is also a very reoccuring theme for me.)
heavyness.
Asking "What do you want".
Energy radiating into the left foot.

it feels divided. it can't do that anymore.
I think it thinks I'm trying to get rid of it.

Tell me more about the sponge feeling. Is energy being taken in and not let out? What is incapacitated in these times?

Just like throwing a dry sponge in a wet tube, soaking itself full, not letting go.
So, this is a story, but every three months I had a get together with many collegues at once and there was always... I think a bit hidden there was tension, just not addressed sincerly. (many people quit, burned out and were fired etc. that's why I think that). I felt like I was just soaking up the heavy energy of everyone around me.
By day two it was just pure torture to sit through the meetings. I just.... Incapacitated means I mostly fed up with the thought of "what the fuck is wrong here??" and couldn't really work anymore.

Other times too many todos come at once, and I just... can't do anything anymore. Nothing really. it's so weird, I can't start and finish any of the tasks without TREMENDOUS effort, and it's just such an awful feeling to not get anything done...

Body:

WHAT IS WRONG; I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE?
NONE OF THAT MAKES SENSE:
I AM HELPLESS
I WANT TO QUIT THIS.
I am afraid..
I dont know what to do..
how can i help?
i am lonely...
what did i do wrong?
why is this happening?
i am afraid...
please help me..
what should i do?...
it hurts...
im gonna die
please dont do this

( i don't know anymore, where this is coming from )

i don't know anything about what's going on.

images that come up of ... ahm... parents fighting, me being a toddler.

Noticing that thought again "what do i do (about that?)", commenting on the result, and yeah.
even the regular "what do I do" (it's a pattern here really) can be traced back to that feeling describe above, if that makes sense?

feeling the bridge of my nose noticeably.
under my right eye.

the usual fanfiction of me-being-buddha comes up, and it's clearly an escape of this
"actually having no idea what to do"

(this answer is really touching upon every embarrassing topic at once)

another attempt.

leg says:
I wanna stay here (offended tone)