The Gate

keep noticing the reaching beyond what is here

that feels powerful and simple

How does “What should I do?” exist before it becomes a sentence?

wow, there really is something...
like a state of being one might label as "shocked".
it's of course a story, but it feels graspable/visceral that this state was "once encountered" and the conclusion was reached... something has to be done.. about.. this. I should do something about this.
Wet eyes here, I tell you.

and some avoidance. Oh well :)


Coming back, this feeling/sensation might be a bit daunting, but not bad.

So that story (that you are required for experience) can rest now. It is seen through.

Okay, deal. 🤝

Does the self ease? Or is it kind of the reverse??… No self as the default, native state.

In other words is carrying the mirage carrying a great weight of fiction in the body?

I don't think I could tell one from the other


PS:

I think I feel like I'm betraying or cheating you by seeing vinces meetings and he made this chatbot, playing with that.
Especially feeling a bit conflicted because it does really help. I don't understand why I feel mean about that, but it feels like the right thing to mention that. It is honest.

Hm. Sidenote. I think what helps about the chat bot is not making much effort in getting the answer "right".
I think there's a bit of "wanting perfection of my answers" when we chat (sometimes takes four hours of just staring at the screen until I have an answer)

Keep going to the meetings. And Vince's chatbot is a great tool. Just don't use it to answer the questions here, deal? :)

Are there right answers?

All I ask is to answer with honesty, with what is right now. :)

Just don't use it to answer the questions here, deal? :)

Oh god, yes of course 😄 deal :)

Are there right answers?

so, it's the experience right now, that that doesn't matter so much. There's already such a flood of experience with "what is" and that's ahm... that's already plenty to be occupied with.
In a way it doesn't even leave much space for certainty or answers to really fit into the whole thing, at least right now.

Actually. that's a huge surprise to me. Who would have thought that, where did that came from?


oh, oh wow. A really even painful pulsating originates from the right leg now.
More explanations come, sort of guarding from the actual experience. puuuuh. wow. Now Feeling much more raw and un-anchored. Without a rulebook for this. Not having a need for one, but distinctly without that "preveiously unreflected piece of certainty"

sparingly occuring in the forehead (i remember this sensation from the context of some qi going introduction labeled as "qi being activated")

hui.

there's also a strong movement of "away from this, back to dull everyday life, "when does this end""

Is right leg responsible for anchoring?

What does untethered life look like?

Go for a walk raw and untethered. Is it dull?

(Head pressure or forehead tingling also normal)

What does untethered life look like?

I don't know, but there is a sort of flow to things, that is very much not a world of people, persons, entities, things.

This is more felt than known. i.e. right now I can sort of feel into this, to find the right words (and rejects other ones), and that's it. No knowing of it otherwise.

Is right leg responsible for anchoring?

oh, that was a koan right now, wasn't it? Mind made space for "just this".

Hm. feels like processing.
---

Man; I feel so hurt and beaten up and tired. And I'm so sad about it. i think a bit of that is pain processing.
Thought description: "I feel so sore and ajar"

Go for a walk raw and untethered. Is it dull?

Immediate thought: "I'm afraid of that"
Just listening to that thought, sitting with it for a minute now.
What feels like a much younger personality comes up.
Desperation in that sentence is heard.
Processing the body does is felt.
Jaw jitters.
Voice: "I can't do that anymore"
Just hearing it with love, just being there for it.
Thought: "I'm afraid of ripping myself apart with this (practice)"
Just hearing that.
It touches the heart, that sentence. Staying "soft" here. Sinking.....
Can't say stuff about this space. Body processing.
Encompassing inviting is here. It's very inviting.

"I am inviting this sensation" is the very same phenomenon as "I am being invited"

noticing that it "draws you in" and that there is resistance /hesistance to "being drawn in"

Encompassing inviting is here. It's very inviting.

"I am inviting this sensation" is the very same phenomenon as "I am being invited"

Yes. Invitation is happening. Then thought tries to decide whether “I am inviting,”
or
“I am being invited.”

But the invitation itself is already here. :)


So go for that raw walk. And just hear what is here.

Hi Becc

I feel like I'm frying my nervous system a little, can I take the rest of the week of?

Lots of love
Nils

Of course dear!