Struggling to see

[Stan]

Stacy, hello
I am available for a chat tonight, it seems
///

Can you do the above once or twice a day?

Yes, I am trying. It's not working well, smoothness seems to depend on my disposition and amount of stress. Can't say I notice anxiety relief, althought I know how it's supposed to work.

I will find time for Pernille

[Stan]

I've finally watched that video from Pernille.
Really not sure sure what to make of it. I was fairly attentive.
Sounds like the solution is to find the joy of experiencing.
I am also supposed to find some kind of a belief that leads to doubt???
I am also not sure what does this have to do with me. I don't think I doubt non-dual mode when I get there. It's just I get sucked into thoughts.

[Anastacia42]

Tell me, using Direct Experience only, about the periods of non-dual seeing you mentioned. Is there a "self" during those?

This is the reason I referred you to the doubt video, because you may already be seeing but not believing that you are seeing no "self."

When you learned that Santa Claus was a man in a red suit, did you have to keep going back and checking or did you just know?


This should be just like that.

Loving

[Stan]

Tell me, using Direct Experience only, about the periods of non-dual seeing you mentioned

Hello, sorry, how can I tell you, using DE only? I have no clue. Can you give me an example?

[Anastacia42]

Sure. It's challenging to put into words. Yours will probably be different from mine. Try.

From Colored Socks;:

Knowing is about knowledge which is all in the mind and we are not interested in that

We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on in your present moment-to-moment experience. We are only interested in your Direct Experience in the moment..

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)

That's why we started here with practices about how to simply speak of Direct Experience.

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

You asked for an example. What you wrote here is very good:

As soon as DE starts, there is no chair, no butt, just a sensation

Loving,

[Stan]

Well, I will do my best...

Tell me, using Direct Experience only, about the periods of non-dual seeing you mentioned. Is there a "self" during those?

While listening with an intention for non-duality, there is no location for the sound or for the hearer (me) in the regular sense.
Sometimes thoughts say "You become that sound, so while there is no separation that you are used to, "you" are still there, there is still a center, as dictated by the focus of attention".
Or I seem to feel like there is some center, someone watching even the "simply the heard". There may not be the experience of a separate person hearing, but still there is something nagging...

These are still more thoughts. I can't shake them off.
When I manage to access "in the heard, only the heard" well enough, if only for a moment, there is a sense of relief, massive unburdening. Of intimacy with the heard. If "the heard" is not pleasant, this unpleasantness dissappears into delightfull and natural neutrality.

When you learned that Santa Claus was a man in a red suit, did you have to keep going back and checking or did you just know?

I have to remember about all of this first, then make some effort to shift the lens, or use memory to pull out some pointer which then helps shift the lens. So the shift isn't here, it seems. "Once seen, it can't be unseen", right?
The me-contraction is here, and it is too elusive.
By the way, the Santa Claus analogy is good, but let's be honest - believing that there is no Santa is still a belief!

///
Stacy, what is your time zone? Perhaps we could have a call on 30th of Sept?

///
Perhaps you have an exercise that targets thoughts specifically?

[Anastacia42]

the Santa Claus analogy is good, but let's be honest - believing that there is no Santa is still a belief!

///
Believing there is a "self" is exactly the same - only a belief! Thought plus Sensation.

Stacy, what is your time zone? Perhaps we could have a call on 30th of Sept?

US Mountain
Check timeanddate.com

///

Perhaps you have an exercise that targets thoughts specifically?

Oh, yes. Probably a few. There's one in the DropBox called "Beginning Thinking."

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ksba3zhi9uuz ... hsk1a?dl=0

And this:

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)


The whole problem you have is that you've been believing the content of your thoughts (especially doubts &"self").

Observing Thoughts

Here is a thought exercise. Sit quietly for about 30 minutes and notice the arising thoughts.

Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are they coming from and going to?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one thought follows another thought’?

Can you find an inherent self anywhere, outside of thought?

Can thought experience thought?

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Tuesday, September 30th is possible. What time?

[Anastacia42]

Hi, I need a time & place, please?

[Stan]

Hello, I am sorry, I couldn't log in for two days for some reason, the site would not open.
Anything from 11 to 14 Mountain time (MST) works for me today, if it's still ok.
My email is sokolov.91@gmail.com, I could share a link there if that's ok

[Anastacia42]

Sorry! Yes they're working on fixing the site.

Yes, that still works. I'll email you.

[Anastacia42]

PS. I suggest you read your whole thread before we meet.

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Hi Stan,

Here's a new article from Vince that might help:

https://vinceschubert.substack.com/p/wh ... ven-when-i

Loving,

[Stan]

Hello!
Reporting.
I have finished the book. It's good, and I see now that work is required to look at how self manifests itself for me. It's not easy, I'm afraid! There are still many unchecked corners. It is also important to unglue "personal I" from the "impersonal awareness", which is how humans are taught.
But this must be the right track to be on.

In your experience, is there a center or not? SOme people talk about non-centeredness, some (headless way) point to look at one's center. It's confusing. I do kinda feel like there is a center, but looking for it is not easy and I drift away.