The Gate

Dear Stacy,
Sorry for the silence. I am reflecting on the experiments. I get confused because the answers are obvious and rational but there is still a feeling that something that is part of me is a doer.
Will answer specific questions tomorrow.
Thank you,
Larry

Okay.

"Self" exists only as a thought.

Loving

Dear Stacy,
Here are the answers:

So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ not to see? I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘black space’ if you close your eyes. The question is; can you turn seeing off?

No. The I cannot turn seeing off.

Can you NOT see what is seen?

Seeing is always on.

Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?

There is no difference right or left

Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?

No seeing is always on…it may be on even during sleep, advanced meditators may have that experience.

Can you turn off seeing?

No

what did the “chooser” choose?

No “chooser” can be found

Did a 'self' choose something?

There was no choosing, chooser, or self

If you are unable to choose what you're aware of, then what else is there to choose?

Is it fair to say what mind is saying? Mind says the biological machine is always on, but the decision making is different. Having opined that, there is no real experience of a doer during my other pointers, like when I walk. Several months ago, while I was driving listening to a talk on thought, I suddenly realized “I” was not driving, but driving was just happening. It was an amazing experience, and thoughts kept going but meant nothing.
There appears to be a strong intellectual understanding that the I is just a developed thought system, but I still have fear that the Larry character needs the I for decision-making and safety. The absence of a doer seems to leave all of the character’s issues and problems waving in the breeze and at risk.
I am committed to moving toward the embodiment of this.
Thank you,
Larry

Hi Larry,

I still have fear that the Larry character needs the I for decision-making and safety

And you *think* you can do this better than whatever infinite intelligence created life & runs this whole show?

Please take a look at that. Doesn't that seem... arrogant? Ridiculous?

If you recognize that neither you nor your thoughts are actually running *anything at all* already, why not relax into it & let life have you, since it already does, anyway?

You have Ilona's Deep Looking at Fear on YouTube. right? Please practice that with this fear & all others you find.

Direct Looking process for fear.

https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE?si=jHXuuyyVtp7c-1R2

And this one:

https://youtu.be/fSTT8nc8cvQ?si=Alcukpbi7SUlXpfi

Loving,

Dear Stacy,

And you *think* you can do this better than whatever infinite intelligence created life & runs this whole show?

Please take a look at that. Doesn't that seem... arrogant? Ridiculous?

Perhaps you are correct to shake me, but I haven’t heard much in Liberation Unleashed about the value of liberation in life outcome. In the Eastern religions, release of the ego leads to wisdom for the character, but I haven’t seen or heard any evidence that living as “the flow of life” has an improved outcome. I think I have actually heard that there might be no effect on the character’s life at all, but the realization of liberation relieves suffering. The Larry character runs on its conditioning. This is designed for biological survival and full of codependency, neurosis and “negative emotions”. I don’t see how becoming the awareness of all that alone will have any effect on suffering or outcome. I have participated in psychological retreats which speak about losing personal thinking to allow Divine Mind and Thought to appear. Is that your experience?
Can you help me see this less darkly?
Thanks,
Larry

Hi Larry,

Remember those 4 questions in my first reply to you? Those were about your expectations. It looks like I skipped asking what comes up when reading that there's no self, that is just a made-up story. That checks for fears. But you have clearly said you have fears.

The point of these is to check for expectations & fears. Those are the only things that can prevent seeing - fears & expectations. Read that again please.

All of those questions at the end of your last post are about expectations. Discussing those is pointless. That would just further prevent seeing.

The only answer I can give is that we have no idea how your life may or may not change when you can clearly see there is no "self." Yes, it's likely to be more peaceful, but there can also be a lot of upheaval as you adjust to the truth & stop believing the lie of "self." Your experience will be uniquely yours.

You are mired in doubt and wanting some "outcome."

You're focused on some imaginary future.

That's preventing any chance of finding what is only right here & right now.

Keep doing Ilona's Deep Looking at Fear.

Have I shared Pernille's videos on doubt?

https://youtu.be/a_8N331jpA4?si=Q3K9ovc1l8WMRjiY

https://youtu.be/vTyUspd7c3c?si=lEPgI7jQwhPgiyBE

https://theawakeningcurriculum.com/thedoubtcurriculum

Do you understand?

Loving,

Dear Stacy,

Do you understand?

Yes.
I read my answers to those 4 questions…I will consider them again.
Fear has always been the problem. I will keep you posted about the impact of more enquiry.
I will work on doubt as well!
Thank you,
Larry

Great.

Please post your responses and come here with any questions you may have.

Loving

Dear Stacy,
Before I relist my expectations I wanted to let you know that there are changes entering my experience. I re-visit the I statements / statements without I and lately I am starting to feel the tension of most of my thinking as I thoughts and just stay with that. I have been using Ilona’s fear approach and although I don’t have her level of curiosity and appreciation for the worry feelings that arise, I no longer consistently resist them.
And now the expectations:

How will life change

It will get lighter…less serious…less gravitas…maybe even more spontaneous joy. The situations won’t change, but there will be more proper response (? Right action) because the actions will come from perception in the present moment and not from layers of thought.

How will you change?

The character will be calmer and have more clarity. The You doesn’t change

What will be different

Life will flow and the character will flow along… more like a sailboat as opposed to a motorboat!

What is missing?

Nothing is missing, it is veiled. My experience is that I am still separate from Life, but there is movement toward more letting go of the veils and jumping in.

Experience is changing and resistance is decreasing. Personal mind wants to be struck by lightening so it is freed…
Thank you so much for the progress that is happening.
Larry

Good, Larry.

Your expectations are pretty reasonable. Keep LOOKING.

Which pointers are you doing?

Mostly looking behind fear?

Loving

Hope you see this in time.

This Sunday. 6 to 8 pm UTC +4 Mauritius Time

Deep looking is for you if you have an ongoing issue that makes you feel stuck, if you are looking for peace but cannot find it, if your heart is longing for something deep and meaningful, but nothing satisfies that longing.

Come to a meeting with a small group and we can explore together, giving space for tension to unwind.

You can use the old link, that you have or email me at admin@ilonaciunaite.com and I will send it to you.

See you there! (Ilona)
✨❤️✨

In 20 minutes. Didn't realize the time was so different.

Link to all Zoom Meetings

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/9143364592?pw ... VEMHg2Zz09

Meeting ID: 914 336 4592

Passcode: LU2021

Please don't ghost the thread.

Please let me know if you're quitting,

Thank you,