Help would be appreciated

[Pangurban]

Dear Lubo

I understand that and I’ve been at this for a while. While things have been shifting slightly and layers are peeling off it seems at a deeper level it’s not taking root. iI feel like I’ve exhausted the process a bit and I feel unsure about doing this right.

Love
Claudia

[Lubo]

Hey, dear Claudia,
I'm so sorry you're feeling exhausted and unsure.
This is so beautiful that you are here and you want to find freedom.
This is investigation for love and freedom.
I want you to feel freedom right now, I don't want you to suffer because of this investigation.

I want to invite you to take my hand for beautiful dance.
Smile little bit and...
Notice right now that all these around is happening to you, from you, as you?
Notice the freedom from all ideas about you, me and life?

Dance with me, the dance of freedom !

So much love to you,
Lubo

[Pangurban]

Hi dear Lubo

I absolutely agree, this should feel more like a dance and most of the time it feels much lighter. 😊 I just feel a bit stuck in the process still going in circles at times. The mind likes to take over in these inquiries and then it gets heavy. And I know the mind can't see it. It's such a habit.
And even this is just an idea.
I've gained a lot of freedom from many things, yet still some things are sticky. Letting go seems to be the hard part and also doubting if this is really it.

Love
Claudia

[Lubo]

Hi dear Claudia,
Yes. I know.

yet still some things are sticky. Letting go seems to be the hard part and also doubting if this is really it.

Notice- sticky where?
Letting go from where?

For me the difficult thing was to see that my body is just a play/experience wich is happening in this divine play.
This is the gift.
Notice that you are not that? or does the experience-body, face, thoughts are personal events ...?
someone to make effort they to be here in this very moment?

You know maybe the ayahuasca experiences, people are sharing that all this life become alive.
Now without using medicine notice - is there a place where there is no experience?
experience is a verb or noon?
body is a verb or noon/subject?

Some of the verbs are personal/persona?

Is that helpful?

Love,
Lubo

[Pangurban]

Hi dear Lubo

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. That is helpful.

I think where I struggle most, is taking all this into every day life. I do get real "flow"-moments where it all feels super connected and like no self is there, it just happens. I find it super helpful when I feel an impulse to react that I can pause and chose to respond instead. Less impulse and more mindful, with the flow of energies going on. That DOES feel like a dance. 😊

Notice- sticky where?
Letting go from where?

But then there are moments I fall back asleep and that is when it feels like an effort to be here. It's like beeing swept away by experience. I kinda sense it has lot to do with needing to be in control (for example when a part gets active that needs to be the "responsible Claudia"). So I am working with that sensing when that comes up, how it feels in the body, how it looks like and asking why it comes and what it needs > I work for that with Tsultrum Alliones method "Feeding your demons" which I've learnt about a few years ago and rediscovered recently. It seems to help me to get past these sticky parts so to speak.

However, this forth and back though is confusing and creating lots of doubt.

You know maybe the ayahuasca experiences, people are sharing that all this life become alive.
Now without using medicine notice - is there a place where there is no experience?

I am aware some people use "medicine" for such experiences, but I have never really looked deeper into it or read more about their experiences.
But is there a place with no experience? Yes. Absolutely. Very subtle, though. I feel it first in my heart space or get the "impulse" to look for it there but it's not there, it's everywhere. What confuses me: experience can't find it, how do I know it's there? That's one factor of doubt (the mind still wanting to understand). Is it just one of those paradoxes of all this?

experience is a verb or noon?
body is a verb or noon/subject?

verbs or nouns get my brain going... 😝 it's all a process/flow, that's what it feels like to me.

Love
Claudia

[Lubo]

Hi dear Claudia,
I enjoy exploring with you very much!

What confuses me: experience can't find it, how do I know it's there? That's one factor of doubt (the mind still wanting to understand). Is it just one of those paradoxes of all this?

yes, say to the precious mind: " Hey, dear mind do you know that you are lied?
You are working for me, but I doesn't exist!"

And look what is really here?

So much love and joy,
Lubo

[Pangurban]

Dear Lubo,
Oh I thought it must be a drag for you with me going about in circles... But then again, there would be nobody to find it a drag.. 😄

yes, say to the precious mind: " Hey, dear mind do you know that you are lied?
You are working for me, but I doesn't exist!"

This made me laugh and feel very relieved. It feels like this is giving me permission for something... as in it's ok.

I sometimes have this moments where there is this expansion into spaciousness and I either want to laugh or cry or both. But then something contracts. Maybe that needs more permission to let go.

Love
Claudia

[Lubo]

Hi dear Claudia,

Oh I thought it must be a drag for you with me going about in circles...

It is joy to play with you!

But then again, there would be nobody to find it a drag..

yes, Nobody/God is your real name

This made me laugh and feel very relieved. It feels like this is giving me permission for something... as in it's ok.

Yes, you found the freedom behind all " me" ideas.
Live there, it is more fun then in the imagined person problems ;)

I sometimes have this moments where there is this expansion into spaciousness and I either want to laugh or cry or both. But then something contracts. Maybe that needs more permission to let go.

I see. OK.
1.Feel freedom and
2.notice thoughts wich are coming to cover it with ideas " why freedom is not OK"
3. label them with " This is nightmare"
Do this whole day, two,... forever
don't believe any single thought!
And notice:
is there "me" persona running the show/living life?
Do you exist in the way thoughts sugest?
Is there a time?
Is there you and others at all?
is there someone in the others?

Love and light,
Lubo

[Pangurban]

Hi dear Lubo

Do you exist in the way thoughts sugest?
Is there a time?

No, no time none of that.
Is it really so simple?

I mean THAT simple?

Love

[Pangurban]

It feels like something has become more obvious, but it seems too simple to be true. I can "find it" much easier at the moment but lets see...

[Lubo]

Yes!
Nonduality is so simple.
Now empty the thoughts from the story of a me, notice all memory is a trash, appear only in the shadow of thoughts?

So happy for you,
Love,
Lubo

[Pangurban]

Dear Lubo

Apologies for not writing any sooner. Two things happend: First, I got ill and was a bit out of order and bound to bed.
Second, and more importantly, the simplicity hit me in a different way. And it's odd, because it was nothing new but so much clearer and I just felt I wanted to feel more into it.

Nonduality is so simple.

And I think that was my problem. The story of it having to be difficult created so much doubt. The storyline around the whole "No pain, no gain" and "Nothing worth having comes easy" thing... somehow not in this case. 😂 Even though we create so much pain around it. I feel like I had to work so hard for everything in life, that this couldn't be so easy. Or maybe I didn't deserve for things to come easy. But suddenly I realized that that's a story and I saw through it much clearer.

notice all memory is a trash, appear only in the shadow of thoughts

yes. Memories or the past are thoughts, so is the future. They are just part of the experience.

Love
Claudia

[Lubo]

Hi dear Claudia,
I trust everything is ok with you now!

The storyline around the whole "No pain, no gain" and "Nothing worth having comes easy" thing... somehow not in this case. 😂 Even though we create so much pain around it. I feel like I had to work so hard for everything in life, that this couldn't be so easy. Or maybe I didn't deserve for things to come easy. But suddenly I realized that that's a story and I saw through it much clearer.

Wow, so beautiful . Big YES!
Please explain in details exact moment when the realisation happened?, how, what...? I am so curious :)

So much love to you,
Lubo

[Pangurban]

Hi Lubo

I'm doing ok health wise. It's been a great opportunity to listen into the stories going around health and seeing the identification with it. And beeing the parts that are fine as well as with the parts that fight being unwell.

Please explain in details exact moment when the realisation happened?, how, what...? I am so curious :)

Hm. Any idea of the future are thoughts, any idea of the past are thoughts. Something about that helped me to zero into like a gap between thoughts. Suddenly it was just another "ooh" moment. I've had those before, where it feels like something falls away. Just ever so tiny. And then it's so obvious there's nothing. Before, I was oscillating in and out and it was very confusing. Now it's so much more obvious and clear that it's always here.

For a short time it was quiet. Then doubts did come up again (of course, "Hello old friends"). But it was clear it was just energy, sensations doubting and the mind conveniently putting a label on it. That was another "ooh" moment.

This is where I'm at. I do feel much more connected and in flow and it's so much more obvious how thoughts are just trying to divide. Like a knife in a way.

Also, I want to thank you for your patience for going through these circles with me. I am not taking that for granted to receive this help here.

Love,
Claudia

[Lubo]

Hi dear Claudia,
Thank you for sharing that

Also, I want to thank you for your patience for going through these circles with me. I am not taking that for granted to receive this help here.

It is pleasure to walk with you!

I have two questions:
Do you feel that there is an object "me"?
Is there a "you" object subscribed to the forum?

Freedom and light,
Lubo