help me to escape the madhouse ;-)

[NickName]

Dear Lubo,

Notice in front of you, flower, fruit or the wall
Then notice that the word "wall, flower, fruit..." points only to this exact colours, shape, texture, taste, smell
but can be found real flower, fruit, wall... which has this characteristics?

Yes, this is clearly seen. No flower, no fruit, no wall. It is similar to a painting or fotograph. There is a certain shape and color we call flower, but that doesn't mean that there is such thing as a flower.
with a picture it is obvious for everyone. With what we experience it is only obvious when looking precisely.

No with the label "I am a self/Nicole"
There are colours, shape, sensations, thoughts but is there "Nicole/self
which exist?

Same thing. Certain shapes and (skin) colors we call body (head, eyes, nose, arms, legs, torso...). And a specific form/colors that discerns Nicole body from other bodies (specific height, body size, specific hair, face, eyes, mouth, eyebrows,... (colors, shapes)
But like in a picture there is not a real body. No substance or entity "behind" these colors.Only thoughts adding the idea that there is someone in control of this body and mind (and the "mind" is just pointing to thoughts - so only a thought adding the idea that the other thoughts would be controlled by an entity.

Without imagination "persona" what" left ?

Without the thought of me being a persona there are only sensations, sounds, colors, taste, thoughts. They are not even related to each other. Just randomly appearing.

What this words point to?

"Flower, wall, fruit" point to a bunch of colors and a shape, then thoughts add the idea that this is a thing or living being
"Persona" points to a collection of colors and shapes and added thoughts (content would be preferences, dislikes, a story of a past, a story of the future, beliefs, habits)

What you are?

When I ask that question there is only silence and awareness.

What is that which can say "I am persona" and "I am not a persona, there is not persona"

This question gave me an a-ha moment. Especially the part "what is it that can say "I am not a persona". What comes up is again only silence and awareness.

Is there a time?

Same experience here. Only silence and awareness.

So I'm still giving you the same answers, but the experience has changed for me. I feel that repeating the same stuff over and over again helps me to stay outside of the story more often.

Thank you for your patience and dedication. 🙏
Love,
Nicole

[NickName]

Hello Lubo,

Just a short addition

What is that which can say "I am persona" and "I am not a persona, there is not persona

It is just a thought that says "I am (not) a persona". So no one who is realizing it.

Best wishes,
Nicole

[Lubo]

Hi dear Nicole,

It is just a thought that says "I am (not) a persona". So no one who is realizing it.

Notice that thoughts cannot say anything.
Do the thoughts knows what they content?

Thoughts only point what is seen or what is imagined, right? :)
But that wich can realise content of a thoughts are that a thought?
Do the thought can know thoughts?

What is that which can say "I am persona" and "I am not a persona, there is not persona"
This question gave me an a-ha moment. Especially the part "what is it that can say "I am not a persona". What comes up is again only silence and awareness.

Yes. This is freedom.
You are much bigger than every imagination.
Expand! Play!

Love
lubo

[NickName]

Dear Lubo,

it's been a while since your last post. At first I was busy and couldn't make time. Then I found that the break from our conversation feels good at the moment. I found it very helpful to keep our conversation still going after realizing there is no "me". I feel in a good place at the moment and the frustration is gone. At the same time I feel that getting even deeper into exploration at this moment triggers searching within me and the feeling that I have to get somewhere and that I'm still not there yet. And so I would like to let it rest for a little while. I am definitely curious for more, but need some time to relax for now.
I thank you so much for your time, dedication, explorational and emotional support over the last few months. It has been truly helpful and I know over time I will find more and more insight about what it brought to me.
I appreciate your presence and willingness to stay with me for such a long period of time.

I am giving you a big hug and hope you can feel it.
Much love,
Nicole

[Lubo]

Hi dear Nicole,

At the same time I feel that getting even deeper into exploration at this moment triggers searching within me and the feeling that I have to get somewhere and that I'm still not there yet. And so I would like to let it rest for a little while.

yes, you have right to take a res and you have the right to find the whole picture. if there is seeking, something wants to be revealed. relax and notice what is going on and wat is right for you at that exact moment.

I thank you so much for your time, dedication, explorational and emotional support over the last few months. It has been truly helpful and I know over time I will find more and more insight about what it brought to me.
I appreciate your presence and willingness to stay with me for such a long period of time.

I am giving you a big hug and hope you can feel it.

Oo, thank you, yes your appreciation arrived here and it is accepted.

Hug for you too.
Much love
Lubo

[Lubo]

Hi dear Nicole,
how are you?

I am happy to invite you this Saturday to spend time with me and Luchana
details here, look "Freedom and emotions"
https://awakeningawakened.com/

I hope see you soon.

Much love
Lubo

[NickName]

Hi Lubo,

good to read from you. Be assured you've been on my mind for a while as I wanted to send you a post.
When exploring this power I find there is only things happening by themselves. Nothing more, nothing less. Every try to explore more or go deeper brings up an energy of searching and a feeling of I don't get it, I'm not there and frustration and confusion about it. Letting things just happen feels relaxed.

A while ago after you asked me if I wanted to explore deeper and I agreed, you said you don't know where to go with me. I discovered the same. I don't know where to go with this and so letting things just happen sounds like a good option for me. So unless you don't have any bother suggestion I would suggest that we end this conversation here.

Thank you for the invitation and thank you for all your support and time and dedication. It was quite a while that you've been my pen pal as I like to call you. :-)

Much love,
Nicole

[Lubo]

Hi dear Nicole,

Every try to explore more or go deeper brings up an energy of searching and a feeling of I don't get it,

Exactly, the mind will never get it, this will never happen. The moment it says, Got it, it's not.

So unless you don't have any bother suggestion I would suggest that we end this conversation here.

If you fell that "madhouse" is imagination, we can stop here yes.

Much love,
your pen pal

[NickName]

Hi Lubo,

I know the madhouse is an imagination every time I look. Still I often forget. When looking, it is seen that forgetting is part of the madhouse illusion, too. So I'm still in the madhouse, but from time to time something reminds me to look and it's clear. Until it's forgotten.
So I hope that the reminders to look don't stop showing up and that maybe they won't be needed anymore one time.

Best wishes,
Nicole

[Lubo]

So powerful to notice that, dear Nicole.

I know the madhouse is an imagination every time I look. Still I often forget. When looking, it is seen that forgetting is part of the madhouse illusion, too. So I'm still in the madhouse, but from time to time something reminds me to look and it's clear. Until it's forgotten.

Yes, Suffering create pain - feeling the pain make us to become aware of what is going on.
Ramana says "Suffering is the only way of the Creator to realize himself "

Look around, what create this beauty here?

What is that wich pretend to be a persona?
No it is not a mind ,mind is just a bunch of thoughts, mind cannot pretend anything.


The only way is to be inspired of that.
Conditioning is like an anchor, and only inspiration can bring power for freedom.
10% more free change the world.
Do you feel inspired by that? :)

I am with you,
Love
lubo

[NickName]

Hi Lubo,

Look around, what create this beauty here?

I'm sorry to be such a bore. There is no real answer for me. It is just some kind of stillness. So I can't say what creates anything at all.

What is that wich pretend to be a persona?
No it is not a mind ,mind is just a bunch of thoughts, mind cannot pretend anything.

Yes, the same answer as above. I can't give a real answer. Anything that comes up is just being without any thoughts.

The only way is to be inspired of that.
Conditioning is like an anchor, and only inspiration can bring power for freedom.
10% more free change the world.
Do you feel inspired by that? :)

A year ago I would have been inspired by that. Meanwhile I am very tired of trying to accomplish anything or making things better. So to be honest it doesn't sound inspiring to me at the moment. That's how I landed here. :-) Tired of everything, because nothing worked and so I'm quite happy with just watching how things unfold for now.

Thank you,
Nicole

[Lubo]

Hi dear Nicole,

o I'm quite happy with just watching how things unfold for now.

Yee, fresh, fresh.
And how far is you from that wich is unfolding?
Isn't it this NOW you?


You want to stop here or you inspired that Now is you ?

What about the book?

Much love
Lubo

[NickName]

Dear Lubo,

And how far is you from that wich is unfolding?
Isn't it this NOW you?

I could easily say what is now/unfolding is me, because you suggest it and it sounds true. But when I really check in with what I experience I can't say anything about it. There is just seeing, hearing, sensing. That's all. No way I could put this in words. When I start asking "is this me?" it becomes a thought process and I'm back to searching. Thinking that there is something I have to find out and to come up with an answer (which drives me crazy, because I don't have one :-)

You want to stop here or you inspired that Now is you ?

This sounds much more inspiring although I am not sure whether I can go down that road (see my comment above).

Funny you're asking about the book. We finished it just yesterday. I guess you could smell that. :-) I'll report to you.

Warmly,
Nicole

[Lubo]

Hi dear Nicole,

There is just seeing, hearing, sensing. That's all. No way I could put this in words. When I start asking "is this me?"

I agree. "Me" is a fiction.

There is just seeing, hearing, sensing.

yes, and there is nothing in the way everything to appear.
Absolute freedom.
Are you feel freedom and infinite potential?
Is there fear and contractions?
What they protect?
What is there, look behind them?

Much love
Lubo

[NickName]

Dear Lubo,

Are you feel freedom and infinite potential?

I feel freedom, because there is nothing to decide, nothing to do, no way to be, just be and see how things are unfolding. I don't feel infinite potential. For me I can just see that life is unfolding the way it is. So I can't see why there would be more potential than what is already happening. But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you are saying?

Is there fear and contractions?

There were a lot of fears around money, but I found peace around that.
I have very intense neck tensions since ages and during the last weeks I feel my whole body contracting also on the inside. When I'm clear about not being the persona the contractions are just there. A little space around them opens up, so they are there like anything else.
I'm not sure if I can say what is behind them. When I look I feel space opening up. But that requires constant looking. As soon as I am not consciously looking I'm back to being contracted as usual.

Thanks for staying in touch.
Warmly,
Nicole