Pre-Awakening

[Statum]

Does this mean that you notice that the self can't be found?
Again, please look thoroughly to find the one that notices.

After looking, it is just noticing acknowledging the “is-ness” of noticing. I feel that is all that is going on. Nothing is being seen, but the “is-ness” of seeing.

[Bananafish]

the “is-ness” of seeing.

What's it like? Keep having a look at it and report.

[Statum]

What's it like? Keep having a look at it and report.

Hey Kento,

After our conversation yesterday, I continued to look at the “is-ness” of seeing to find that there is no distance between what I consider myself and sight. I may see an object that seems far away, but sight is closer than close. There is a sense that “I” am not seeing anymore, but am IN sight. And the same is true of all the senses.

[Bananafish]

Hi Statum. :) It was great to talk to you yesterday.

but am IN sight

Does this mean there is something other than sight itself that is in sight?

[Statum]

Does this mean there is something other than sight itself that is in sight?

It feels like I am sight; as if there is no place to turn to in going away from sight. Then I hear sound and I am in sound so that I am sound. And the same for all of the senses. There isn’t anything that separates “me” from the senses, but I don’t need “me” to see, to taste, to feel, etc.

[Bananafish]

Is that an intellectual kind of understanding, or an experiential, visceral one?

[Statum]

Is that an intellectual kind of understanding, or an experiential, visceral one?

It gets tricky because this is a genuine experiential insight that I have, but it is accompanied by the intellectual understanding saying things like “oh this must be what they were talking about!” or “Yes now I understand!”.

[Bananafish]

That sounds familiar, Statum. :). Let's check it in another way.

How does it feel to realize it?

[Statum]

How does it feel to realize it?

Hmm as it is felt now, I don’t know how it feels. There’s a feeling of gratitude and awe, but there’s a slight fear at there being no space between sensation and everything.

[Bananafish]

but there’s a slight fear at there being no space between sensation and everything.

Where in the body is that fear felt, as bodily sensation(s)?

[Statum]

Where in the body is that fear felt, as bodily sensation(s)?

It is felt in the chest and throat. It feels as though the chest and throat become hollow.

[Bananafish]

Does the sensation generate other thoughts related to that fear?

[Statum]

Does the sensation generate other thoughts related to that fear?

No I would say that it generates more thoughts of excitement. Thoughts come up like “Ok here’s the fear barrier just stay here” and “Is this what the fear barrier is?”

[Bananafish]

Great. :) Please observe what comes up (including thoughts), one by one, as they come.
Ask whether they are yours, and whether they are you. Look for the one that is behind
them.

[Statum]

Great. :) Please observe what comes up (including thoughts), one by one, as they come.
Ask whether they are yours, and whether they are you. Look for the one that is behind
them.

There were thoughts which said, “Reality is just hypnotizing itself to avoid itself”, “If there is a shift that happens, I need to know how to get back here” and “I’m pretty sure that I’m where they are pointing to right now”. The thoughts came and went in a flat hierarchy; no one thought was more or less of a thought than any other that came. Sensations came and went in a flat hierarchy as well. There was no one sensation that was more of a sensation than the others. Pleasant and unpleasant were the same. A self was not sensed at all anywhere.

I felt an itch on my leg and began to scratch it, while trying to find the self between the ears and behind the eyes. And the thought occurred “there is no sensation whatsoever between my ears and behind my eyes. This scratch in my leg has more sensation than where I ‘feel’ the self is.”