Behind Kaiser

[Kaiser]

Just see what is here now silently, without words. Just notice what is left when there is no thinking about it.

I you have the generosity to share such a paramount invitation, I will match your generosity with honest looking. I look and look and I will see, I will see now. Even if it’s not clear I will look until I see.

Nothing could be more important.

[poppyseed]

Hi Kaiser

YET when I awake the dreaming others is dismissed as obviously just dreaming where as the direct experience of ‘other’ vitality (still experienced as a part of this oneness-of-body) is not yet dismissed.

Yeah, I’ve throughly stumped myself. I’ll keep looking.

All I see is that there is an honest report of DE and then doubt (thought content) comes and layers unclarity on top of it. Let me ask you again … is directly seeing (DE) a special mode of seeing (experiencing)? Or does Direct Experience refer to where to look at what's REALLY happening? I’m not asking you to believe me, I’m asking to LOOK. Thinking has its merits (e.g., communication/language) but its powers come only so far. It has proven to be unreliable when it comes to describing reality. I suppose the analogy with the icons on your computer desktop comes handy. They are used as a visual representation of what is actually a binary code – zeros and ones - so you can make use of them. But is the icon of email really a box with mail in it?
Love
Rali

[Kaiser]

Let me ask you again … is directly seeing (DE) a special mode of seeing (experiencing)? Or does Direct Experience refer to where to look at what's REALLY happening?

Direct experience is not a special mode of seeing. There are not multiple realities, there is just reality, just direct experience. Thoughts and the content of thinking are insubstantial. Direct experience is reliable and real, regardless of thought. Thought is what it is and no more. It has no reality in direct experience, and there’s no where else to find reality. If I want to see truth, reality, what’s really happening, it’s all on offer in direct experience.

But is the icon of email really a box with mail in it?

The icon of email represents how email is used. It actually is only a symbol. What the email icon is in reality is not discernible apart from this direct experience.

[Kaiser]

Can ‘a person’ be found in actual experience?

I went for a walk today in a busy shopping area.

In direct experience a person can not be found. It’s thought content- just thinking

The difference between actual experience and dreaming is in dreaming, thinking is less stable. What dreaming and actual experience have in common is thinking about self and others- just thinking.

Self and others- just thinking, cannot be found in direct experience.

Emotions- just thinking + sensations, in direct experience emotions are just labels. Only sensations and just thinking are found. Emotions are not there in direct experience.

[poppyseed]

Hi Kaiser
It seems like you experienced a shift on your walk :)

I went for a walk today in a busy shopping area.
In direct experience a person can not be found. It’s thought content- just thinking
The difference between actual experience and dreaming is in dreaming, thinking is less stable. What dreaming and actual experience have in common is thinking about self and others- just thinking.
Self and others- just thinking, cannot be found in direct experience.

How does that feel?

How is life these days? Is there still seeking?
Love
Rali

[Kaiser]

It seems like you experienced a shift on your walk :)

How does that feel?

How is life these days? Is there still seeking?

How does it feel? Not different than before. This feels intellectual, a remedial understanding.
I have been given the gift of inquiry. I am familiar with where to take my questions for the first time. Any belief, though, intuition, insight may all be explored in direct experience. There is no other experience.

I have emotions and bring them to direct experience and discover what is actually going on.

How is life? There’s dissatisfaction, sadness and frustration I can bring to direct experience to see what’s operating. Thinking content if seeking may indeed be happening and in direct experience it is just thinking.

I will continue with this looking.

[Kaiser]

… yet, I will mention again, when “stressful moments” or conventions etc. seem to be happening, the bodily sensations are much less intense. I can experience the stressful situations as usual but my body is calmer. And when my body is stressed, I can look at direct experience and just tolerate the sensations as just sensing.

Direct experience is the safe harbor. It’s not a fix, doesn’t solve life. Sometimes just thinking contents include strong belief, me, stories etc. but direct experience is always and more paramountly available.

Nothing has changed save for a new way to explore this/thus.

[Kaiser]

…hold the phone.

You saw the shift before I did. Damn that’s subtle.

Yep!

[poppyseed]

Hi Kaiser
How did it go from here

How does it feel? Not different than before. This feels intellectual, a remedial understanding.

To here:

You saw the shift before I did. Damn that’s subtle.

What changed?

How is life? There’s dissatisfaction, sadness and frustration I can bring to direct experience to see what’s operating. Thinking content if seeking may indeed be happening and in direct experience it is just thinking.

Is there an expectation that there will be only positive experiences once the illusory nature of “I” is seen? If you are not in control of any of it (and you never was) how can you change this? There may be many things that you want from this experience – happiness, joy, peace, etc .For a day or two, just watch the wanting comes up. You don’t need to do anything but notice and acknowledge. Watch what happens, and notice how it feels. Feel the gap between wanting and not having, and observe what sensations are triggered when wanting appears. Bringing attention to the mechanism of wanting will reveal curious things.

It’s common to think that these things (happiness, peace…) has to come from somewhere else, from outside; only then, you imagine, will you be happy. Wanting peace is the flip side of lacking peace. Wanting is a sign that something is incomplete, or missing. Here is another angle. Wanting things is just that — wanting. Spontaneous actions are happening, and so is the thought story (as you said). There is a story about trying to be happy and not succeeding and feelings arise with the failure. It is interesting to watch how all this works, how thoughts of lacking and wanting create a ripple of sensations, and how you can’t control any of it. Sensations arise; take a look at them. Which one of them is the sensation of “being unhappy”? Can you pinpoint it? What is that sensation without the label? Is the sensation “unhappy” itself? Inquire into the sensation and ask if the sensation itself knows anything about ‘happy/unhappy’.
Stay with the sensation, experience everything fully. Let it play out. It might be uncomfortable, but supressing it doesn’t work anyway. The only way to find peace is to surrender to what is. Wishing it away is not going to work. Resistance/frustration arises when we say “no” to what is happening. But it doesn’t really matter - life keeps on happening. The only difference is all the feelings that arise. You can hate or love, life will happen anyway. Peace/happiness is always present but it is clouded by the thoughts. What we call suffering is made up story about “shoulds” and “should nots”.
In simple everyday life, what is happening is happening. Thinking about being unhappy, flow with whatever is happening. If there is “action” you can take when a want comes up, then take it. If not, just watch, smile, take notes, and release.
Love
Rali

[Kaiser]

How did it go from here

How does it feel? Not different than before. This feels intellectual, a remedial understanding.

To here:

You saw the shift before I did. Damn that’s subtle.

What changed?

Nothing actually changed. I just considered and looked. Original perplexed with your response suggesting I had a shift, my unknown assumptions and expectations came into focus. I reviewed your caution about expectations and looked.

You cautioned:

it can be very subtle and if there are expectations of any kind, then it can be missed and the guiding becomes very difficult. I can promise you there will be no fireworks; it is just a subtle shift in perception!

I looked and discovered what was overlooked. The belief in a separate self had died. A sense of a separate self habitually operates sometimes but I’m getting used to exploring direct experience more. The steam or momentum that drove the intensity of demanding a separate self must exist has gone. In its place is curiosity about direct experience.

Past kensho memories masked the subtle shift in perspective. The shift is it’s just obvious there is no self, thinking just does its thing.

[Kaiser]

Is there an expectation that there will be only positive experiences once the illusory nature of “I” is seen? If you are not in control of any of it (and you never was) how can you change this?

There are no expectations that life will be only positive. I expected a more visceral shift or a warm hollowness that emerged in kensho. It’s such a relief that it’s subtle to be truthful. Glad I didn’t miss this.

I can’t change what’s unfolding, as there’s no mechanism with which to enact a change. There’s no separate self to impose a will or a force. In thinking (which happens almost instantaneously but just after direct experience ( I know this requires a time, and there’s no such thing, trying my best to describe)) it seems like there is a will, choice etc. But direct experience is becoming more obvious, thinking is more transparent. It’s obvious this/thus is an unfolding and the notion of change is now laughable.

Nothing is solved, questions arise and context of thinking assumes, but direct experience shows, nakedly, honesty and obvious. It’s always on offer.

Right view exploring has begun. This is the subtly I missed with my first response.

[Kaiser]

There is a story about trying to be happy and not succeeding and feelings arise with the failure. It is interesting to watch how all this works, how thoughts of lacking and wanting create a ripple of sensations, and how you can’t control any of it.

Spot on Rali. Suffering is resistance. When looked at very closely, suffering does not exist. I’ve seen this, but hadn’t seen the reality that thoughts cannot do anything, they’re ineffable, that thinking itself evoking belief, which is just thinking. I never looked before.

More…

[Kaiser]

Sensations arise; take a look at them. Which one of them is the sensation of “being unhappy”? Can you pinpoint it? What is that sensation without the label? Is the sensation “unhappy” itself?

In direct experience there is just sensation. No sensation is the sensation of being unhappy. Moreover, when looked at directly, sensations shift and undulate. Thinking also is happening. “Being unhappy” is content of thinking, estimating what the sensation is. It’s just sensation. In direct experience, sensation without a label is just sensation.
When not resisted, a joy is felt in the content of thinking, even if the sensation is not preferred by thinking. Unhappiness is thinking. It’s not there in direct experience. Investigation into direct experience kind of calms, soothes this thinking. Willful thoughts of obstruction begin to yield to thoughts about peace being what we are made of.
Direct experience is sober and unmoved. It’s a pleasant feeling that direct experience has this effect on thinking. The body-sensing is less reactive to thinking and seems to (thinking) also calm or encourage thinking to allow more direct looking. That’s what I was trying to articulate with the phrase “Direct experience is the safe harbor”.

Now, it’s very clear that thinking is just thinking. That’s the subtlety that I overlooked and makes all the difference in the world. All I had to do was look. It’s right there.

[poppyseed]

Hi Kaiser
It’s such a joy to read your last replies. There is lightness about them. Yes, the shift is so small, subtle, ordinary, and yet all starts to look different. You thought that you needed to get home, but there is seeing, that home is here, now, always.
How are you feeling? Is there anything else that you want to explore together?

Love
Rali

[Kaiser]

How are you feeling? Is there anything else that you want to explore together?

I am physically feeling fine, sleeping well and socializing as usual. Thinking content is now commenting on how it’s figuring things out and doubting the seen. Direct experience is ’non-plussed’ by any content. Brahaha! This is actually quite funny.

I suspect this is just a first step. Nice to have safe harbor even in storms, come what may. I really enjoyed the challenging looks and appreciated non negotiable simple questions.

At this moment, nothing else is coming up to explore together yet I prize keeping active here. I loved not running the show and for now I will review other threads and borrow their questions as inspiration arises.

I will reach out to you, if I may, should another inquiry take flavor. Thank you for your friendship Rali.

Kaiser