Hi Vivien,
Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
No. The ‘self’ is the content of thoughts. It is not real, but imaginary.
Was there ever?
No. It was not there at birth. The idea was instilled by parents and culture.
Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
The separate self starts in early childhood as we learn language and as we are held responsible by others for our actions, preferences and beliefs. We learn to refer to ourselves with pronouns, I, me, and others as you and we learn that our name is attached to one body that is considered ours. We are taught that we must learn and achieve many things that we attach to the name and body and classify as characteristics of our separate self. The fiction is in place at an early age (3?) And it is supported by the whole human culture. This common belief and constant habit is very entrenched. Whatever happens is claimed by the idea of a separate self by the belief, “I did this.” Or “This happened to me.” Or “You did this to me.” Thinking like this the story of the separate self is maintained.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
Something is happening. There is no way to describe it without forming a crevice for the separate self to cling to. Language is a fog over reality—always one step removed. Thought, color, sound, sensation happen. There is nothing I do or don’t do to cause or stop these. Only the content of thought has stories about causality and responsibility and the content of thought is only words that may or may not refer to something that actually exists. Most of the content of thought is only words referring to fictitious stories formed by words. It is not necessary to believe the fictitious stories, in fact it is not possible to believe them.
How does it feel to see this?
Feeling is thought combined with sensation and refers to an ‘I’ that feels something, like for example, a physical contraction combined with a thought of “not able enough” called sadness. Seeing this is seeing behind thought—no story there, and experiencing sensations that are undefined. Everything just is as it is, no how comes into play.
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days
.
The family doesn’t notice a difference. Speech hasn’t changed much, actions haven’t changed much, but what is believed has changed. It was not believed that ‘I’ was guilty for putting too much food in the refrigerator. That comes from thoughts that ‘I’ am responsible for the irritation of others, or that ‘I’ even could make the decision to buy the food in the first place. It is not believed that ‘I’ cannot tolerate all the dirt on the floor. That comes from thoughts of past training. It was not believed that ‘I’ was guilty for hiding from the neighbor, just noticed that a response had been made. When the situation calls for a decision no decision is made, just watching and seeing what happens.
.
What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
Seeing how easily a word that seems to describe experience, like ‘awareness’, can be used by thought to project the illusion of a ‘self’.
Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
It just happens. Decision, intention, free-will and control are concepts, ideas, the content of thought—not necessarily real. They tend to need an ‘I’ or ‘me’ or ‘you’ to take ownership of them. An attempt to find ‘How’ can only produce ideas and stories not truth. How is just what is happening, there can be no explanation beyond that.
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Things happen. There is recently a noticing that ‘I’ do not lay claim to them. They happen by themselves.‘I’ do not cause them, nor can a non existent ‘I’ make a right or wrong response within what is happening. Noticing can happen. Thoughts can come up that evaluate happenings, but ‘I’ is not needed to plan for changes, or suffer or enjoy outcomes. Things are done without decisions being made to do them, and outcomes are noticed and accepted just as they are. There is interaction between the lives and surroundings of this moment and that is the happening. No one is the cause of any of it, it is a spontaneous event of all that is at this moment.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
‘I’ am not responsible for anything. Whatever happens happens.
Example: Color experience occurs, thoughts= Lungi. “Lungi is dry. Fold and bring in lungi. What if I don’t. It can stay there all day. See what happens. Body brings in and folds lungi. Response to previous habit.” ‘I’ am not responsible, but there is response-ability. Things happen and get responded to from reaction between present happenings and from earlier training and habit. Conversations happen just as before, but it is possible for them to end where they stop and not have details fretted over for time periods extending afterwards since neither ‘I’ nor anyone else is responsible for what is said.
Anything to add?
Thank you for persevering through all of this back and forth.