no next

[Steven257]

because what it was saying didn’t remain when the thought was replaced with “blahblahblah.”

There is one part of this that is confusing to me. If I opened the door and heard the door and think about it and then replace it with the nonsense word, it actually happened at that time but not now when thinking about it. It is only a memory. The confusing part is the actual experience is now just a memory when doing this exercise. Do you know what I mean?

[Steven257]

Good evening Stacy,

I tried it a few times today. Just now: "Eyes are tired from reading xrays all day." then, blahblahblah...still have that feeling so the thought is likely actual experience.

"I am feeling annoyed by a colleague at work" blahblahblah...feel the sensations in the body of tension but this thought is not the direct experience.

Throughout the day there were very few examples in which the thoughts were simply labeling direct experience. When the thoughts labeled direct experience, they seemed "quiet" and were difficult to detect. It seemed that over 99%of the thoughts did not relate to direct experience.

At times, the thoughts seemed to be necessary to effectively handle situations at work. Are those thoughts related to direct experience? For example, I imagined what the reaction of the recipients of an email would be, before sending it out. This seemed appropriate and needed. In other words, there is some confusion about what thoughts should be ignored as "lies" and what thoughts are necessary to function, especially in relationships, even though imagination and images are used.

Thanks for your posts and patience. You are the best.

Steven

[Steven257]

Hi Stacy-

Seemingly, very few bare bone thoughts when doing the exercise today. Mostly just fantasies and imagineering and drama. Felt like "I" was present for most of the day. However, it is 100 percent clear that there is no control over these thoughts. They just arise and then the "I thought" arises which states that there is an "I in the body". Then, sensations in the body arise and additional thoughts build up this sense of "I".

Did the "I am stuck" exercise again tonight. That helped to see that there is nothing behind the thought.

The habits are difficult to break when I am work. Any suggestions for the 1-2 minute breaks that I could take during the work day when the sense of self seems stronger?

Steven

[Anastacia42]

Hi Steven,

Had a lot going on here and will reply to these last 3 posts in more detail soon.

Blahblahblah can be pretty short.

You can also simply remember to look for any evidence of "I" as you have done before. Just pause and look, notice any Actual Experience. Notice the interpretations that disappear and cannot be found.

Butt on chair or feet on floor. Where does butt end and chair begin? Or where does floor end and feet begin?

Is there any "I" to be found anywhere? Sink into whatever experience is found when this is noticed without analyzing or telling further stories about it. Just be there (then ;) ).

Much love to you!

[Anastacia42]

Thank you, Steven. Your gratitude is humbling.

This is great feedback! It is helpful to see exactly where the confusion is between thought arising and the content of a thought, which is to say, Actual Experience and made-up stories.

First, the content of a thought is never "Actual Experience."

The fact that a thought happens is Actual Experience. But the thought has no meaning. None. Ever.

Thought in and of itself cannot and does not contain experience. If it did you would be able to taste the word/label "sweet."

So that makes this idea nonsense:

Just now: "Eyes are tired from reading xrays all day." then, blahblahblah...still have that feeling so the thought is likely actual experience,

The sensation of tired eyes, if described only in actual sensation and NOT in the judgment of "tired," is Actual Experience.

Does the sensation itself suggest in any way that it is “tired eyes?”

Does the sensation itself know anything about “tired eyes?”

Thought points to the sensation and calls it “tired eyes.” Without thought how would it be known that there are eyes and that they are tired?

No thought's content is ever Actual Experience. The simple, observable fact that a thought arose is the only part that is Actual Experience. The physical sensations (what can be seen, heard, felt, smelled or tasted) is Actual Experience. Nothing else.

Remember, what is being looked at is this difference between the thought and the content of the thought. These really must be clear before diving into some further aspects. Every exercise is designed to help you LOOK at Actual Experience and QUESTION the content, which includes judgments, interpretations, etc, and are completely made-up fantasy and do not exist in reality.

Therefore, if you substitute "blahblahblah" for the *content* of the thought, all that is left is the fact that a thought came up and that the eyes were hot, cold, itchy, swollen or other directly observable things.

Do the exercise again, using any thought or thoughts, with this in mind and please report again with these things in mind.

You can’t substitute the content of a thought with blahblahblah. “I am a bad person” is the thought and all the ensuing thoughts of what that is, is part of that thought. You can’t just have the thought “I am a bad person” without all the understanding of what it means! That is why you are taking the original thought “I am a bad person” and replacing it with blahblahblah. Without the thought what remains if there is no sensation is nothing because it is simply an appearing/passing thought.

because what it was saying didn’t remain when the thought was replaced with “blahblahblah.”

There is one part of this that is confusing to me. If I opened the door and heard the door and think about it and then replace it with the nonsense word, it actually happened at that time but not now when thinking about it. It is only a memory. The confusing part is the actual experience is now just a memory when doing this exercise. Do you know what I mean?

There is no Actual Experience of "memory." The Actual Experience of memory is a thought. There is no past, present or future, there is only NOW.

Try the exercise with a current thought. Think of a fearful or frustrating thought, like “I will never get this and I will be stuck forever” or a thought that creates a body sensation. Then do the blahblahblah exercise so you get to see how it works.

Whatever thought you use, replace that thought with blahblahblah and what remains? Is there a person actually stuck or was it simply a passing thought?

Report what is found.

Much love,

[Steven257]

Good evening Stacy,

Enjoyed your comments and questions...

Is there any "I" to be found anywhere?

When searching, it is getting easier and easier to see clearly that there are truly just "things" happening. Sometimes, there is a belief that the thoughts of an "I" are accurate. But, it is seen that these are just more thoughts. A self cannot be found although there is what appears to be a body, but that is a concept as well. Just awareness of sensations and colors and movement but without thought, there is no "body" either. That is just another word.

Does the sensation itself suggest in any way that it is “tired eyes?”

No. Watching thoughts arise without latching on to content. Thoughts arise now as sensation of typing and listening to music. Sensation in eyes is felt and without thought, how would there be knowledge that there are eyes? A baby knows nothing about eyes.

Does the sensation itself know anything about “tired eyes?”

The sensation is not able to perceive. It is just sensation.

Thought points to the sensation and calls it “tired eyes.” Without thought how would it be known that there are eyes and that they are tired?

Please see above. Without thought, there is nothing called "eyes" or "tired". That is obvious now.

The exercise with the thought “I will never get this and I will be stuck forever”.

Whatever thought you use, replace that thought with blahblahblah and what remains? Is there a person actually stuck or was it simply a passing thought?

What remains after I replaced that thought with blahblahblah? Just hearing music, typing, other thoughts arising. The interpretation arises which is that the story line just died a quick death. Adios. Hasta luego.
Now, a forgetting of the thought. Had to go back and read. That was cool. Clearly a passing thought. The "stuck person" did not really die because they never existed.

As I write, there is a thought that there is someone thinking. Just another thought.

Is there a natural process that knows when to pay attention to the content of thought in order to act and when to ignore content? Maybe, as there is no controller, the question itself is flawed. Just more thoughts trying to figure it out.

On another note, I will be traveling to Iceland tomorrow for a week. Returning Saturday, next week. I will not be able to post tomorrow. I will likely post on Sunday night. Iceland is 6 hours ahead of Colorado so it would be in the afternoon for you. It may be a short post on Sunday, but I would like to post. Writing is very helpful even if it seems as if there is nothing to write, prior to posting.

Thanks as always.

Steven

[Anastacia42]

Good work! You are truly LOOKING again. If the most recent post is compared with the 3 in a row prior to that, it can be seen how differently the exercise was approached in some places - where thought was believed and held to be real and where it was seen through, that is, what is Actual Experience and what is blah blah blah.

as there is no controller, the question itself is flawed. Just more thoughts trying to figure it out.

Yes.

There is no end to the variety of arising thoughts to which this recent exercise "blahblahblah" or the prior one can be applied - and can be continued in Iceland, if that feels easeful.

For every thought that comes up, and to determine whether it is referring to Actual Experience or whether it is pure fantasy, replace the thought with “blahblahblah” and check whether what it was referring to, remains.

Have fun with this!

Much love,

[Steven257]

Hi,

Very jetlagged and tired so this will be short. "jetlagged" and "tired" are concepts. Useful to label but i am beginning to understand that the concepts are not direct experience.

I am working on one thing and one thing only right now which is to see what is the Direct experience and the blah blah blah exercise cuts right to the chase.

Seeing, hearing and other sensations happening right now. Easy to see actual experience now. (Even that statement is not AE.) Still, throughout the day, getting lost in thought many times which truly is being a kind of prisoner.

Iceland is an amazing country to work on AE.

Steven

[Steven257]

Substituted thoughts with blah blah blah and doing it now. What is left is the seeing of the curtains in the room and the white walls and the television screen that is blank and holding the telephone and listening to this voice as there is talking into this phone. Hearing sounds outside. Without interpretation, there is indeed just the actual experience. Nothing to do when just looking... just silence even though thoughts are rising. Just part of experience. Just looked for that sense of an I and there it was again but it is easier to see that is just thoughts and more thoughts. Surely no "I" when there is no "I" thought.

No questions right now because it seems like a waste of energy to try to interpret. It also moves out of reality.

Steven

[Anastacia42]

Good morning!

Good work! Will post a quick reply, more soon.

Stay with this, noticing thoughts arising vs. content of thought.

seeing of the curtains in the room and the white walls and the television screen that is blank and holding the telephone and listening to this voice as there is talking into this phone.

Curtains, room, white, walls, television, screen, blank, telephone, voice, phone" All are labels - content & not actual direct experience.

What is found without those labels?

Much love,

[Steven257]

Hi,

Very short. Sorry. Long day and need to prepare for tomorrow.

What is found without those labels?

Right now, just seeing, hearing and feeling....and watching the frequency of the labels. Incredibly frequent!

Intermittent just seeing with no labels. Clarity and brief feeling of peace and acceptance. Want more of that!

Will practice tomorrow while touring.

Steven

[Anastacia42]

Yes!

[Anastacia42]

Okay, back. Moving over the next week or so and replies may be a little less regular.

To be more specific about Direct Experience:

Seeing curtains, simply = color
Seeing white walls, simply = color
Seeing blank television screen, simply = color
Holding the telephone, simply = color and sensation
Listening to the voice, simply = sound.

The label "curtains" = thought and “in the room” = thought.

Thought is pointing to color labeling it "curtains." “In the room” is a description of where they are. The room itself is simply colour also, which thought is describing as a "room," and is the content of thought.

Can you see this?

The label "curtains" is the Direct Experience of thought and not the Direct Experience of curtains. (Read that again, please.)

The color labeled as "curtains" is the Direct Experience of color and not the Direct Experience of curtains

The thoughts ABOUT (content) the curtains and where they are, are Direct Experience of thought and not the DE of curtains.

What is actually appearing (ie directly experienced) is label + color + thoughts.

Without thought, how is it known that the color is curtains and that they are in a room?

So, label, color and thoughts are directly experienced, but are curtains?

Take this understanding into any of your activities there in Iceland. There is seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting and thinking. That's it.

Let me know what you find!

Much love,

[Steven257]

I have limited internet right now with spotty wifi. Appreciate the post as you are obviously busy with the move.

I only could check your post now, which is about 9pm Iceland time. Your post clarified a lot. I did practice DE today. I was frustrated by the seemingly constant thought stream and do feel like a prisoner to it.

Right now, looking at the contents of the suitcase...

Had to take a break from the post for about 45 minutes. While looking at the suitcase, for brief moments, just saw colors while observing thoughts arising. The problem just happened: I needed to call a friend and then take a shower. Realized after 45 minutes, that "I" was lost in replaying the phone conversation and images about things that occurred today. Then, frustration happened. So, the default state still seems to be getting lost in stories. I do notice the "getting lost in thought" more but that seems more like mindfulness training rather than what this is about, but they feel similar right now although they are different.

Will continue to practice tomorrow and try not to get frustrated. Will also review our older posts now as the "lost in thoughts" is not new.

Steven

[Steven257]

Thought is pointing to color labeling it "curtains." “In the room” is a description of where they are. The room itself is simply colour also, which thought is describing as a "room," and is the content of thought.

Can you see this?

I can see it when focusing awareness but it is transient of course. Actually, almost feels like defocusing a camera.

Without thought, how is it known that the color is curtains and that they are in a room?

So, label, color and thoughts are directly experienced, but are curtains?

I see that. I really do get it. Yet,

Seeing DE today was very challenging! I understand the difference now between direct experience, labelling and the content of thoughts. The mind is just so used to getting lost in the train of thoughts, that is basically all it does.

I re-read the posts about getting lost in thoughts. I have a better understanding that there is no self that is getting lost in thoughts, the thoughts are just arising and disappearing.

Searching and failing to find any self is much easier for me than experiencing "colors" and then simply watching the labelling and thoughts arise. Could do it while watching a beautiful waterfall today, but that was a tiny fraction of the day.

Almost always in a virtual reality and focused on the content of the thoughts, rather than direct experience. Again, intellectually, I completely understand what is happening. I never realized just how much i am not experiencing AE. Hard not to judge myself. All these years of reading, meditation and yoga and living in a virtual reality. I guess it is helpful that I see this now, but feeling a bit hopeless again. Where to go from here?

Thanks for your patience.

Love,

Steven