1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No there is no separate entity, self, or me, hiding somewhere or real in any way. There never was.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Thoughts come and go on their own. Sensations and experiences are commented on by thought and assumed to
be owned by them. The "I" thought comes along and takes ownership of these thoughts. I is just a label learned from living in our society. We are given a name when we are born. We are told what is right or wrong, we are singled out and told we are good at one thing, or bad at another. That we should be ashamed of what we have done, or that we should be proud of what we have accomplished. This story continues and is believed. Life becomes an ever-changing story. Every-changing thoughts commenting on everything that happens and labeling everything that is seen or heard or felt, etc., and at the center of it all there is a false "ME" who is seeminlgy responsible for it all. Funny enough "me" or "I" is just a thought like the rest of them.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels like a beginning. Like things are a bit simpler and there is less mess to slog through. To be honest, a bit underwhelming. Thoughts come and go, thoughts about me and my story come and go, and body sensations come and go. "I" can still be grumpy, can still be overwhelmed, can still be sleepy, can still be happy, can still be loving, but what happens isn' so much because of me, or happening to me.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
I don't know! Many small moments of seeing where there were false walls where there used to be solid walls. Thought taken for granted as ME, seen now as just thoughts happening. Noticing no control over pretty much anything in life. No control over the body, or the mind, or what happens in life.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from recent day to day experience.
Decision: There are no decisions. There is simply life happening and thoughts later saying that was decided by me.
Intention, free will, choice and control: There is no one to intend, to have free will, to make choice, or to control.
Things happen on their own the only way they could. I am responsible for nothing. Wake up in the morning, seeing happens, feeling happens, thoughts are experienced. Body needs to go to the bathroom, mind comments "I have to go to the bathroom" a moment later. Not needed, but still happens. Wind is felt through the car windows on the way to work. No one feels the wind, there is just feeling. Mind comments on how that feels, either "that feels nice", or "that feels bad". Neither are real. Driving happens, no one grabs a remote control in the head and moves the body in order to drive. Driving just happens. There's no one playing the game.
Sensations of Alex still happen. Can be looked at an seen to be lies though. Doubt still happens (thoughts) + emotion in the body. Mind runs on autopilot as it always has, doing its job. Body reacts to stimuli and protects itself as it always has. No one to control either, no one to experience either. Experience just happens, life just happens.
6) Anything to add?
Unless I am mistaken...there was a hope for closure and to be able to "put life away" for a while after seeing. This is silly. It's really only a beginning to see through these assumptions about the self. Many many beliefs remain, but all require a self to be affected by them. The old anxieties still come up and cycle through the mind, but there is some comfort knowing they are thoughts that haven't been questioned.
