For me mind/ego means the thoughts jumping in to argue with reality. Then there is belief that they are true (the thoughts) and the body tenses and whatever else it does in reaction.In Q5 you write: "Now I see there that was another level of delusion and ego. Life is just happening, but it is the mind/ego that gets in the way of relaxing and being with it."
Q. What exactly does this 'mind/ego' look like and where is it located? And how exactly does it get in the way of relaxing?
Q. What exactly is a belief?
A belief is a series of images so engrained that it is assumed to be true. For example I have been taught we are born and die. This may not have been questioned. I am told that lying is wrong, but it is just a belief, as a matter of fact right and wrong are more beliefs.
Q. Please provide a couple of recent examples for Question 5.
Some examples recently:5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
1. Still not able to completely trust in life happenings when the stakes are high I would like to share with you an example of life happening and the resistance to trusting it. I am not sure if this qualifies as an example but it's something that is significant to me due to the ability to see in the moment my knowing yet not trusting there was no free will. It seems these situations make it harder to just go with things.
We had Swiss donors visiting. They are very big and without them we would be in trouble. They were looking for problems with our program. For the first time in years they made it clear they were not happy working in our town and were interested in other areas (better climates and nice atmosphere). They were incredibly critical and interrogated me, each of my staff members, kids, parents and a former board member. I knew that the reality was there was nothing *I* could do to make them change there mind BUT I was stressed and was not able to relax and let things just flow. So they did flow, but with my thoughts of fear and thoughts believing the stories that we might lose so much and how that would impact our programs and kids kept their hold on me. I noticed this happening and yet no matter what could not relax even though I knew deep down there was nothing I could do to impact the results of their visit. In the end things turned out well so it's easy for me to say now see....things happened as they should. I believe if things went badly I may have had thoughts that if I had done this or that better we may not have lost them, but in the end I think I would have also trusted it was what was supposed to happen.
2. There is a retreat to Ekhart Tolle in California this weekend. I signed up as a volunteer in December and in January made a flight to Los Angles for another event which I got a scholarship to (Byron Katie, The school for the Work). I was going to buy two separate flights and first got the one for the BK event and started to buy one for the ET event but realized they were close enough to go to both and spend time at a friend in between. I filed a claim to get reimbursed from the Mexican airline and they denied it when according to their rules the should have accepted it. I then proceeded to do nothing, instead of calling to fix it. AS the dates go closer I still did nothing to fix the issue. I also noticed there was little interest on part in going to see ET now. Saturday night I finally realized I was not going. Yet would still be going to the BK event. Proceeded to notify everyone. I am not sure why I am not going, I am just not. It was something I thought I wanted before but there is a force deciding it's not supposed to happen for me.
I don't know if those are they types of examples you are looking for or if I am way off base. Also, am interested in feedback from my other answers. This morning I was full of self doubt and thought I should start over, right from the beginning. That perhaps my thoughts that I have seen are nothing more than mind/ego playing with me. I have been told this mind that is assumed to be mine is very clever, I just hope it is not trying to outsmart me in seeing.
Thanks Vince and other guides!
