eternal prayer

[illusions13]

I am afraid nothing is striking me.
Unable to 'see' anything.
Not getting it.

[Ilona]

What do you expect to see?
What should be different?
What you think that should change upon seeing?

Give your honest answers to those questions

Sending love

[illusions13]

Sorry, got caught in something urgent.
Will get back on this soon.

[illusions13]

Hello and sorry for the long break.
Trying to get back to it again.

Are thoughts coming from some other thoughts?
At times one thought seems to trigger another. At times it pops in randomly, no connection with previous thought

Are thoughts coming from I thought?
I dont understand what that means...what is the I thought?

Where does the I thought come from?
Not sure I can answer this one without understanding the previous question.

Please steer back if I have gone off track.

[Ilona]

What is the I thought?
Repeat word I a few times, hear the sound. That's the I thought.
Where is the I when there is no thought of I?

Sending love

[illusions13]

It just feels like a sound when I say the word I.
Doesnt feel like an entity.

When there is no thought of I, it disappears.
But there dont seem to be many thoughts with no I.

[Ilona]

Let's see, tell me, what happens to Santa when a kid realises that Santa is not real? Does Santa disappear? Or was he never there?

You can try this exercise:
Imagine you are holding a ball in between your hands. Close eyes and imagine. Feel it, feel the weight, texture, size, shape. See how mind creates sensations. See how you can imagine the ball and feel it.
Then open eyes and tell me, what happens to the ball?
Was it lost, destroyed, did it vanish?
What happened with sensations of the ball being there?
Were sensations real?

Now find the I. Is it here? What about sensations around it? Is there a sensation of separateness?

Write what you find out.
Sending love

[illusions13]

The ball wasnt there. The sensations werent real.

I dont feel the I, just thoughts around it or connected to it.

I dont understand what you mean by sense of separateness?

[Ilona]

Right, what do you feel then? Is there a sense of relaxed being? Is there a search still going on to get something, to understand? Is there a sense of incompleteness?
Is there a difference between a real sensation and not real sensation? Is not real sensation something that can be experienced?
Write more please, so we have something to work with.

Sending love

[illusions13]

First of all i would like to thank you for being patient with me. :)

Although I dont feel the ''I'' as such, there is some sense of being. And the being is in a calm state.
Somewhat like an observer.

The search to understand something feels constant. So does the incompleteness.
But its never clear what the search is for or what is missing.

Now that you mention it, even the non real sensation, despite not being real, was experienced.
Wouldnt that make it real in some way?
This is a very intriguing thought, I like it but dont really know what to make of it.

I am trying to write as much as i can through feeling rather than thinking, maybe thats limiting it. :)

[Ilona]

The search to understand something feels constant. So does the incompleteness.
But its never clear what the search is for or what is missing.

there is nothing to understand, that's the only thing to understand. how does that land?
there is nothing missing. mind may think that there is but you can check and see, what is missing right now? what do you find when you look in the moment?


can you describe what is non real sensation.

sending love

[illusions13]

I do get that there is nothing to understand.
There is actually nothing missing.
But i cant deny that lingering feeling is there.
When i check and see...as you said....its all whatever it is. Nothing is missing.
Maybe it is some need to make more of what already is.

Non real sensation by definition would be a feeling that you feel but isnt really there.
But as i write this down, it sounds so odd.
Maybe thats how it is with the I.

[Ilona]

How can you feel a feeling if it's not there? It's either here or not. You can think about a feeling, but that's not the same as feeling it. Feeling sensation or thinking about sensation is different.
And this I. Is it a sensation or thought about sensation?
How about sense of separateness, is it a feeling or a thought?
What do you find?

[illusions13]

Yes, agree....if it is not there then its a thought about the sensation. So the non real feeling would be a thought rather than a sensation. Something I make myself feel or make myself believe is there even if it isnt really there.
What about basic sensations of happiness. joy, sadness then...are they real?

The I feels like a thought...no sensation.

When you say 'sense of separateness'...do you mean separateness of the I from everything else?

If so, then feels like a thought.
Like a conclusion rather than an actual separation.

[Ilona]

Hi, thanks for reply and sorry about the delay. I'm back to bein g able to answer daily.
How is it going?
Is search still full on and if so, what are the burning questions?
Are sensations real? What can you say about it?

When I say Sendai of separateness, I mean the common understanding that person is something that life is happening to and person is the one in charge of what is happening, being separate, one against all.

Sending love