Here are the questions. Please answer as clearly as possible and with as much detail as needed. Don’t forget to add everyday examples from your experience for question 5
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, it's just a thought. Never.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
It starts when one is young and possibly just appears or comes from one's parents and what not giving one the thoughts about it(but where it first came from I don't know). The illusion of separate self is a collection of thoughts that back up each other but ultimately don't point to anything in reality. What the thoughts state is that there is an entity, a thing, that is a separate experiencer of reality. This thing is supposed to exist outside of thoughts, it's supposed to have an independent, objective existence.
It works like old habits. It appears in the mind, other thoughts spin off from it, others again from those. Unless one is looking at reality one get's lost in these thoughts just go on and on.
E.g. One may habitually, without examining it, believe oneself to be the thinker of thoughts. But if one patiently and with much perseverance looks again and again, slowing things down, making distinctions, one can eventually see that thoughts occur first then another thought comes up saying I thought that thought.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Feelings are a part of the self-construct. E.g. "I" feel "good" that "I" have "achieved" something "worthwhile". I've been working thru feelings of guilt about past screw-ups.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
None, not really. It was a slow building up. Many hours of sitting, lying, walking and looking.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision/Choice: Things are decided I don't know when, I don't know what by. Thoughts come up about how I was thinking about the decision and making it. E.g. Today it was decided that I would stick to my intermittent-fasting diet instead of buying McDonalds. I had thoughts that I was the one thinking about the decision, weighing the costs and the benefits then deciding.
Intention: Just a thought that one is in control of one's actions, has goals and desires. I have thoughts that I'm going to clean my floor tomorrow as it's getting buffered by some pro-fresh-ional cleaners. This is a goal because I want to avoid any negative outcomes of not doing it.
Free will: Doesn't exist, as there's no I.
Control/Responsibility: One isn't responsible, one has no control. I never decided to go for a walk today, it just happened.
Things just happen, it's like a computer program just running. Maybe it was all programmed into the universe from the beginning big bang or something.
6) Anything to add?
No.