The Gate

by everything, i mean that as literally as possible. stand on a street corner, or anywhere where there is lots of activity and people, and just look at all, inskin and out, as just one bit infinitely complex thing happening.

Thanks for your note and for thinking of me Pablo. Sorry I've been so bad at posting. But here is what I’ve been doing.

Greg is out of town during August. He offered to consult via email, but I decided to wait on that. His book led me to George Berkeley’s Three Dialogues, which really helped clarify a lot about direct pointing that I didn’t even know needed to be clarified (Berkeley looks at just about everything except “I”—but even noting how he stops short at “I” is helpful). The doubts and impulse to intellectually grapple with direct pointing are fading.

But it still hasn’t sunk in. Writing questions or descriptions of my experiences and “progress” seemed like 1) A way to assert “my” understanding; or 2) just more noisy brainwork which doesn’t even persuade me any more. Just letting questions, experiences and interpretations of experiences sit for a couple of days, they usually dissolve on their own (well, not always such a linear process, but more or less). I’ve been waiting to see if some question or experience sticks—or becomes a sticking point--before writing.

So I've been trying to remain quiet (what a self-contradictory phrase!) and let it sink. Not so much a particular practice as doing thing like what you suggested of just being aware of everything on the street corner; and noticing awareness, remembering that no “I” is sensing and thinking, and that thoughts are just thoughts and not necessarily true. And hardest of all, not trying to find progress.

Best, Adam

Adam,
I appreciate your reply and your diligence.
This effortful trying not to try to find progress, where is that effort coming from? I mean, in direct experience, is there something that is trying, that is exerting effort? Or is that also just a mental event that carries the label of something that is being done by something?
P.

Adam,
This effortful trying not to try to find progress, where is that effort coming from? I mean, in direct experience, is there something that is trying, that is exerting effort? Or is that also just a mental event that carries the label of something that is being done by something?

It's a knot. Looking for progress. Trying not to look for progress. Looking and looking if "I" am there making this effort. Deciding not to create tension by looking so hard. Imagining certain goals for this whole process. Trying to let such goals slip past as more thoughts. Thinking that I need to try harder. Thinking I need to relax. Thinking I've hit a dead end in this approach--creating all kinds of stories why this approach doesn't work for me. Thinking I should stick with it. Remembering that there is no "me" deciding this. That there is no me having any of these thoughts. Yet these thoughts keep slapping the me label everywhere. Thinking not to worry about it. Who's thinking not to worry about it? . . .

It's not always quite such a horrible knot. My daughter stayed with me this past week and we had a great time--relaxed and much less distracted than usual.

Your commitment and sincerity are impressive. I'm going to invite some other guides to take a look here, maybe a different perspective will see something I'm missing.

Three of our guides, including two of our most experienced, have made the same suggestion. That is 1] it is best to stay with just one 'path', for example either Greg Goode or LU, and 2] we need to just keep coming back to "is there an Adam experiencing thoughts/desires/sensations, or is everything just happening?" "Is there a you?"

If you are moved to go with Greg Goode, that's fine and you can come back here anytime. If you are moved to continue our work, really focus on the Direct Experience of how thoughts arise, how desire/aversions arise, where effort originates. Is there anything, an Adam, a doer, that causes them to happen? When a desire for them to happen or not happen arises, is there something that causes them to arise?

That must be the entire focus. Origins. Is there anything that can be found that originates things/events, or is everything just happening?

These labels of "I", is there anything to be found that attaches these labels, or the label just part of that particular mental event? IS THERE ANYTHING/ANYBODY TO BE FOUND THAT CAUSES OR ORIGINATES MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/CONATIVE/PHYSICAL EVENTS? Thinking cannot get through the gate. YOU MUST INVESTIGATE BY WATCHING, NOT THINKING!

So close,
Pablo

More guides have graciously chipped in. They agree that you seem to be still using thought and effortful thought about thought, which will never transcend thought.

Here's one gem: It's like looking for your cell phone. No need for thought, just Look!

Cheers,
P.

Dear Pablo,
Thanks much for putting my case up for extended consideration. Sorry for my slow answer. It’s both because my daughter is keeping me busy, and because of uncertainty how to answer. I started mentally drafting a couple of responses that started to get pretty long-winded and . . .well, there was no interest in following the thoughts through to the end because the answer won't be found there.

They agree that you seem to be still using thought and effortful thought about thought, which will never transcend thought.

Here's one gem: It's like looking for your cell phone. No need for thought, just Look!

Yes, I agree. The whole process of looking for the doer and the origin of thought has accumulated all too much thinking and identity-formation around it.. . . . (here is where the half-drafted long-winded thoughts would have been inserted, which speculate, elaborate, explain, doubt, wonder and create identity. Instead, for now just a question) . . .

What does it mean to look without thinking? Even the quietest looking comes with thoughts: “Nothing there.” “Who is saying that?” "Wait, don’t get caught up in that thought. Stop and look” “You did not create that thought; these things just happen.” “Let it go.” “Jeez, don’t these thoughts ever stop?” “Ha, ha.” “OK, now look if there was anybody who just told himself to look at that thought.” And so on.

Even true when I look for something missing (let’s say keys, since I don’t have a cell phone): “Damn, where is it?” “Maybe it’s over there.” “Oh, wait, I was wearing different pants.” “OK, what did I do when I came home?” and in more difficult cases, the production of memories.

Well, actually there are different kinds of looking thoughts: There are the routine looking thoughts which do the job but don't amount to much emotionally. And there are the more convoluted and emotionally tinged trains of thoughts that arise with with worries and blame and stories about how the keys got lost, how much trouble to replace them, how late it is getting and so forth. . . . . It’s these latter kinds of thoughts that are emerging alongside this “looking for me and the origins of thoughts” process. In most other topics (mom, ex-wife, girlfriend, money) the thought-chatter has gotten a lot less sticky in the past couple of months.

The question seems to be answering itself. Let me sit on this a bit more . . . although any comments are more than welcome.

Thanks, Adam

My friend, have you ever seen one of those Magic Eye pictures? http://www.magiceye.com/3dfun/stwkdisp.shtml?

You can’t see anything by ‘figuring it out’. Writing about what thoughts are occurring is like describing the colors and shapes of the various patches. And that is simply a distraction from seeing what emerges, and is right in front of your eyes, when you simply look until—Holy Cow!--it becomes perfectly clear. But even if you have been told what you are looking for, you’ll never figure it out…only by looking will it become clear. It’s not some kind of illusion. It’s right there—if you Look!!!!

OK, all analogies are imperfect, but try this one. Imagine you are underwater in a glass diving helmet, and there is limited visibility in the water.
All around you, every direction you look, fish are swimming in and out of view. And you’re being swept back and forth across the ocean floor. And I’m asking you to watch carefully until it is absolutely clear whether you are causing the fish. But you keep describing the fish themselves!


Investigate through observation!

Affectionately,
Pablo

OK, I’m going to keep quiet for at least a couple of weeks. The nexus of thoughts and doubts comes up mostly when thinking of what to write for this thread. Usually, however, the thoughts dissolve quickly and I can't think of anything to write (which doesn't always stop me from posting). I could have written “Still nothing there, no causes, no doer, nothing” because that is what is seen. But also no sense of liberation, realization, ha-ha, ah-ha, or magic eye revelation.

For the most part, mind and body have actually been rather calm these past 2-3 weeks (after those heavy physical sensations in July). This may be a passing state. But I’d like to ride it out and let things unfold as they will.

Thanks again for all your effort, Pablo. It is really generous of you and all the guides. Regardless of what happens, I’ll be in touch with a report after a while.

Adam

Hey Adam,

How're you doin'?

Pablo