i d love to be guided

[isil]

ok..
i expect the expectaion to stop...end..become less...so the feel of effort also...

[isil]

i also see the belief that says "I AM ENLIGHTENING-I AM REALIZING...if i am not...why am i answering all these questions...and it feels like effort"...and the more i write the more i see the lies...

[Konrad]

Ok, Leave EVERY expectations to rest for now, forget about them for the time of this conversation, we will come back to them later.

Now,

WHAT comes up when I say that there is no self, no YOU, at all, never have been, never will be?
Can it be true?

Sending Love,
Konrad

[Konrad]

Why leaving the expectations for now?

Because expectations are like signposts of where you want to be, what you want to feel.

Most often than not, reality is different than what you expected it to be. Is it true?

This causes the doubts to arise, even if you SEE that there is no self, there are doubts because "It's not how I expected it to be".

That's why it's important to don't expect anything, and just engage in investigation with clarity.

[Konrad]

Really look, isn't it like that?

[isil]

i need to get this part...: if everything is happening on its own, which i can actually see, why am i trying to stay focused? I say cause i want to...but then of course i bump intothe question of "who wants to"- when i try to LOOK it feels like effort, so i just want to give up, it reminds me of the effort of seeking...

[Konrad]

It's like that because you are thinking about it. This cannot be figured out. Only a honest looking at reality will do the "trick".

WHAT comes up when I say that there is no self, no YOU, at all, never have been, never will be?
Can it be true?

Sending Love,
Konrad

[isil]

not much comes up really..it just feels like an ordinary thing all of a sudden

[Konrad]

Is it true?

[isil]

that it is an ordinary thing..doesn t feel very true..that not much comes up...i cant seem to have access to anything...just more thoughts...

[Konrad]

Where do thoughts come from?

Are YOU the thinker of thoughts?

Can YOU choose and think thought?

Sending Love,
Konrad

[isil]

It is very clear that i m not choosing the thoughts:) I wouldnt have chosen these ones, if I had the power to do so:)
when i try choosing and thinking the thought..i m never fast enough...the thought of choosing, or a senseation-feeling-or another thought that brings up the thought or another thought always beats ME up..

[Konrad]

Yes, very good.

So you see that you have no control of thoughts. They appear and disappear, randomly, is it true?

Let's go back to feeling of aliveness.

Zoom on that feeling, look, is it personal?
Apply this to breathing, looking, smelling, tasting.
Is there an "I" that breaths, or is there just breathing happening?
Is there an "I" that hears, or is there just hearing + the label "I"?
etc.

In direct experience, can you find an actual "I"? What is "I"? Is it something real?

Sending Love,
Konrad

[isil]

i see that thoughts come and go and i have no control over it...
yet i m having really hard time focusing on the senses...it all gets foggy...clouded by lots of thoughts...thoughts of the other day..when everything was prettty clear when i was trying to focus...so thoughts are attached to the experience of a couple of days ago...i ll keep on contemplating..looking...happy to hear get more direction...if there is any left:)

[Konrad]

Is there a YOU that is doing the focusing?

Or is there just focusing?

Can thoughts attach to anything?

Much Love,
Konrad