How do I return to Pure Awareness?

[Angelika]

part II

Hello John,

About the last few days I would like to report the following.

Different challenging situations arose in every day life.
Reactions to the situations out of conditioning happened. The Reactions were of very strong quality.

Along with this - strong feelings came and went. Physical pain came and went.
The experience was exhausting.

It reminded me to a journey by sea, where I spent a lot of time on deck, experiencing the rain, seawater, forced waves, strong wind and permanent rocking of the ship.

. . .

Now feelings are felt much clearer, experiences are experienced more deeply.

While working in the garden earlier today long moments of very still Peace came and went.
Came once more and went once more.

The present moment is what matters. Planning and scheduling doesnt go so easy right now.

. . .

Is there any question I overlooked or forgot to answer?


Thank you so much for listening, Thank you so much for your guidance!

All of the Best to You!


Very Sincerely, Angelika

[jowate]

Hello Angelika!

First, as regards part 1, thanks for clarifying what you are referring to by ‘NOThing’. The way you’re writing about it suggests two possibilities:

- it’s a way of talking about Pure (or Naked) Awareness itself – outside concepts, ineffable, ‘beyond’ form (or ‘prior’ to form, you could say).

- It’s a way of talking about ‘presence’ – the unwavering sense of ‘this-ness’ which is cognised, but not itself cognisant.

So some of what you write suggests one, some the other. It’s possible both are present (they are not mutually exclusive). The qualities you mention ‘Peace, Saturation, All in One, Stillness, Blissfulness’ point very strongly to the former.

So maybe you could look at this and respond: is ‘NOThing’ essentially knowing, or known?

As regards part 2 … life goes on! Is your perspective on & relation to everyday events and ‘you’ in relation to them changing?

I’m adding the first two of the five ‘concluding questions’ below. You’ve looked at the first before, but I’d appreciate it if you could just write, without much forethought, your responses to this and the other one.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

Look forward to hearing from you about this!

Very best wishes,

John

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Thank you very much for reading my answer and responding to it. :)

Your question is,

[b] "Is ‘NOThing’ essentially knowing, or known?"[/b]

I use the term NOThing for Pure, Naked Awareness.
Awareness is One with Itself. All (attention) is centered in Pure, Naked Awareness.
Breathing stops for a moment and NOThing is.

The sense of NOThing, the Presence, means that Awareness is aware of Itself. Awareness is aware of its this-ness.
Here the qualities I mentioned before are experienced.

Will return later to write more.

Thank you very much!

Very Sincerely, Angelika

[jowate]

Thanks Angelika ... yes, do please respond to those first two concluding questions in my previous post :)

Warm wishes, John

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Here I am back to continue with Q&As. :)

You asked; is ‘NOThing’ essentially knowing, or known?

My answer; NOThing is the Origin, the Absolute, the Knowing & the UN-Knowing.

NOThing is know when it is recognized by Itself.


You asked;1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

My answer; Depending on the definition of "Is - to be" I have the following answers:

- if "IS" is used in the meaning of "truly, genuinely existing" . . . there is no "me", there never was one. Only NOThing truly, genuinely exists. All forms arise - get born from NOThing and dissolve - return to NOThing.

- if "IS" is used in the meaning of "a temporary appearing thought, idea or form, which is perceived by the perceiver" . . . than "me" as a thought = form can be experienced as any other form can.

"Me" as any other form is an illusion. As soon as I inquire on "me" or any other form I return to NOThing.

. . .

To be continued now. :)

[Angelika]

Part II

Spelling error: than... should have been then. I am sorry.

You asked; 2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

My answer is;

Forms arise in the present moment and are experienced as they come.
An event, or a spoken word triggers an emotion and/or a set of thoughts as a reaction to what arose and due to conditioning. This may cause that awareness is trapped + remains for a certain period of clock time in an "automatic overdrive mode" and / or in an "unwinding chain reaction."

For this period of clock time all attention is focused on the foreground activities. The ever present Absolut -NOThing sinks into oblivion.
Tolle calls this "experiencing a pain body while being unaware of it."

To me these episodes of "unconsciousness" are like short films, which are momentarily mistaken for "real".
They are "reptilian brain - fight/flight" reactions where awareness "seems" to be shutting down into auto mode.

The illusion arises . . . as a momentary form.

Contractions + pain in my body indicate strongly that the above mentioned process got started.

As awaremess returns to the Absolute - NOThing, the Illusion of a separate me dissolves.

In a nutshell the separate self is an automatic reaction caused by the active reptilian brain. As much as I know this part of the brain is evolutionary the oldest one and was meant to organize a flight or fight in order to survive an attack or any other danger.

. . .

Duties are calling me and this is why I stop here.

Will answer the following question later. Is your perspective on & relation to everyday events and ‘you’ in relation to them changing?

Thank you so very much for preparing the ground for this"learning experience" for me!

I am very,very grateful!

Very Sincerely, Angelika

[jowate]

Hello Angelika,

Thanks for your responses - I'm on retreat now and have to be getting up rather early, so need to get to bed! I'll read through and respond tomorrow.

Warm wishes,

John

[Angelika]

Hello John!

Thank you for answering :)

Will return tomorrow & answer the still unanswered question.

Wishing you all of the best on the retreat!

Very Sincerely, Angelika

[jowate]

Hello Angelika,

So it seems clear that ‘NOThing’ is ‘nothing other’ than pure awareness.

Your first answer to the first question is definitely IT – if you’re saying, as you appear to be, that this is now known directly, then you’re there. Would you like to comment on this?

The second answer there seems to refer to a conventional or linguistic use of ‘me’. Important distinction.

Second question: I’m not sure about “This may cause that awareness is trapped + remains for a certain period of clock time in an "automatic overdrive mode" and / or in an "unwinding chain reaction." Another way of putting what (I think!) you’re getting at here is that awareness is sometimes simply ‘aware of itself’ and sometimes apparently plunges into sense arisings and concepts, including all kinds of apparent ‘selfing’. I.e. as you put it: “where awareness "seems" to be shutting down into auto mode.”

You write:

The illusion arises . . . as a momentary form.
Contractions + pain in my body indicate strongly that the above mentioned process got started.
As awaremess returns to the Absolute - NOThing, the Illusion of a separate me dissolves.

- that’s what I’m looking for as it’s experiential as distinct from theoretical or speculative, so if possible try to answer the other question/s simply from the point of view of your direct experience. That said, this particular question does seem to invite discursive speculation more than the other ones!

Look forward to your response including your answer to my other question (Is your perspective on & relation to everyday events and ‘you’ in relation to them changing?)

Warm regards,

John

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Thank you for your reply! :)

I was unable to reply before due to another period of coming and going painful emotions, more upcoming family - plus relationship matters and many work appointments.

I would prefer to rest today, if I may, since a fogginess is the still prevailing experience, which had been preceded by strong emotional pain from this morning on until almost to the late afternoon.

Will return tomorrow morning to read and answer.

Hoping once more for your patience,

I remain,

Very Sincerely, Angelika

[jowate]

That's fine Angelika, I understand. Hope things are better for you tomorrow - in any case, only respond when you feel ready and no pressure.

All best wishes, John

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Thank you once more for your kind understanding. :)

Along with seeing through the illusion of ego self waves of sadness keep coming. (among other sensations)

I was wondering why I experience these waves of emotions to be so exhausting and more often than not overwhelming.

Maybe because negative thoughts and emotions cause contractions in the physical body, and ongoing contractions block Life energy flowing freely?

Is this so?

Also I recognized that relating to others has been determined by mainly childhood conditioning. So almost every relationship was a repetition of patterns learned in childhood.

Seeing this was shocking.

Old accumulated emotional pain had been added to new emotion pain. ... caused by an endless repetition of the same pattern.

Another shocking experience has been to recognize that I was looking at what was and has been through "tinted glasses."

Resistance to what was and has been was a common reflex. On the long term this is a very (literally) tiresome experience.
.
.
.

After painful emotions went past, I experienced energy flowing freely through my body.

I understand it this way:

A layer of pain or painful emotions come up, get experienced and by experiencing, resolve.
After this clarity gets deeper, Stillness and Peace are more present.

Then a next layer of repressed emotions come up..... happen in the present moment and dissolve once more....

and so on... Please excuse me for not writing more, since I am very tired.


Will return tomorrow to read and write further.

Thank you very, very much!

Very Sincerely, Angelika

[Angelika]

Hello John,

This morning a realization arose from inside. From now on there is no more need to control anything. I experienced "a thing" dropping and after this a deep relaxation arose.

Prior to the "opening" experienced this morning, different kind of stomach aches came and went all through the night.

. . .
Here are your quesions;

So it seems clear that ‘NOThing’ is ‘nothing other’ than pure awareness.

Your first answer to the first question is definitely IT – if you’re saying, as you appear to be, that this is now known directly, then you’re there. Would you like to comment on this?


Direct knowing broadens, deepens, ripples, emanates . . . Direct knowing happens .... This is a fine way to express it.
Along with the above described process come acceptance, understanding, compassion, empathy, peace.

Recognizing conditioning, waves of pain, fear, sadness alternate with the above mentioned.

The overall quality of that what is coming and going in the present moment is a bit roller coaster - like.

Experiences are felt and sensed more strongly.

This above paragraph is also an answer to your question, "Is your perspective on & relation to everyday events and ‘you’ in relation to them changing?"

Another change is the experience of this morning, which I described at the beginning of this message.

I wrote the following note this morning: "A principle of nature, Being taken care of simply because I am."


You wrote, "The second answer there seems to refer to a conventional or linguistic use of ‘me’. Important distinction."

Ja.

You wrote, "awareness is sometimes simply ‘aware of itself’ and sometimes apparently plunges into sense arisings and concepts, including all kinds of apparent ‘selfing’."

Yes! Exactly. This is so.

Your question, reg,
The illusion arises . . . as a momentary form.
Contractions + pain in my body indicate strongly that the above mentioned process got started.
As awaremess returns to the Absolute - NOThing, the Illusion of a separate me dissolves.

My answer;
I wrote a summary of what happened, a report almost, I can see this now. (very german conditioning ... sorry)

Here I start again: As pain, contractions, dizziness, fears, or similar felt senses + thoughts arise the overall experience is overwhelming.
Especially thoughts of me dying are overwhelming.

In moments as mentioned above, I prefer if possible to rest for a while because I experience these moments or periods as physically draining.

Sometimes awareness plunges deeply into what happens in the present moment. Remains there and becomes aware of itself again as if all selfing diffuses into awareness.


May I end here for today.


Thank you very much for listening, leading, questioning and answering!

Very Sincerely, Angelika

[jowate]

Hello Angelika,

Thanks for the two recent replies - I missed the one yesterday somehow and only just have seen them both, so will respond tomorrow.

Be well!

John

[jowate]

“Along with seeing through the illusion of ego self waves of sadness keep coming. (among other sensations)

I was wondering why I experience these waves of emotions to be so exhausting and more often than not overwhelming.

Maybe because negative thoughts and emotions cause contractions in the physical body, and ongoing contractions block Life energy flowing freely?

Is this so?”

Hello Angelika,

Even if you have thoroughly seen through the self-view, there is still a lot of ‘stuff’ to clear. This means ‘stored habit energy’. It is not self – but it includes tendency to all kinds of familiar emotional habits, as these do not just disappear after the gate. What they do – over whatever time period it takes – is ‘unbind’ or ‘unwind’ themselves. Nevertheless, you can ‘help them on their way’ – for instance a lot of people on LU who’ve seen through the self-view are doing the Work which Byron Katie describes. This can be very helpful post-gate. But there are other ways of working too – and it’s not a sense of ‘you’ doing it, it’s just ‘unfolding’. So what you are experiencing is just that, including your seeing of how childhood patterns have been & still are played out.

“After painful emotions went past, I experienced energy flowing freely through my body.

I understand it this way:

A layer of pain or painful emotions come up, get experienced and by experiencing, resolve.
After this clarity gets deeper, Stillness and Peace are more present.


Then a next layer of repressed emotions come up..... happen in the present moment and dissolve once more....”

That’s right. The best thing to do is to ‘turn towards’ the pain, in a kindly and accepting way, not just with a view to getting rid of it. This enables it to resolve and dissolve. Then you discover ‘peace is here’.

Another change is the experience of this morning, which I described at the beginning of this message.

I wrote the following note this morning: "A principle of nature, Being taken care of simply because I am."

Could do with a bit of clarification here (I do sympathise that you’re not writing in your native language) – When you say ‘I’ am, what exactly are you referring to?

Is what you mean more like ‘it is natural that things are taken care of – it’s just the way it is’?

Thanks for your other responses. I think we’re getting there, and for the purpose of further clarification, I’d just also ask you to think about and write your responses / observations about the following:

- How does it actually feel to have seen through the illusion of self?
- Was there something in particular that pushed you over, made you see directly? Was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

Warm wishes to you,
John