The Gate

Yes. So look directly. Right at the sensations of uncomfortableness. Don’t look away. Follow it like the north star.

right now it's transformed into "stuck intensity" in the leg.

What is stuck intensity?

That stuck is an assumption surely. What's left still feels like it's under quite a bit of pressure.
there are assumptions around the body not being able to take it.

Where does the pressure come from? Or from whom?

Is it anything that could be ‘too much’? Look directly.

Yes. So look directly. Right at the sensations of uncomfortableness. Don’t look away. Follow it like the north star.

there's seeking; that is seeking.
looking somewhere else, looking at the next (imagined) moment, that's seeking, it's really, uhm, I'm not even sure if I'd say uncomfortable, but it's not entirely wrong to call it that. In a way annoying, like a faint bell ringing when you try to continue sleeping and are verging on the edge of waking slightly

Where does the pressure come from? Or from whom?

I feel like something's wrong.
at first it was the thought "I can't look / I'm confused", no one was confused, what is called confusion was perhaps.

holding that

relaxing into this

and relaxing

feeling cautious.

thought: I'm wrong.

relaxing.

being tense is an idea, implying I only look at the non-tense "parts", and there are tense parts, "that I ignore".

is feeling the body what feels wrong?

what feels bad? What feels wrong?

there's the idea of doing.

How do sensations earn the label ‘seeking’? How is that arrived at?

Is there ‘wrong’ in direct experience?

How do sensations earn the label ‘seeking’? How is that arrived at?

oh, i don't know at all really.
but there's so often this "oh god, just this and will be okay". Just this coffee, this beer, this purchase, this knowledge, gotta learn this and write out that, have that project.

There's always that promise-

is that not seeking?


oah, and I'm so fed up with everything really,
I'm just so tired pretending to know it all, I feel so done.
and so tired of trying to be someone I'm not.

Is there ‘wrong’ in direct experience?

it's odd. there's everything fine in DE, and then there's this flavour of an assumption.
well, an intuition that there is an assumption, it's not all that clear really.
Thought images come up, "tracking that feeling down", but, of course, thought images don't do much.


(bit later)


there are thoughts like
"what should I do?"
"I'm so lost, I have lost it, (I don't know what to do)"
and constantly hoping something would just give salvation. Like a big pile of fries (they were okay. made my tummy hurt.)

I don't know what that is, but it's... a reoccuring theme

recently I wonder if the only thing there is "to do" here is stopping to search for something (else).
I feel very much committed to "do my best" here. I see the effort you put into this, and it's humbling.
Though I wonder if there's something not useful about that mindset

. So look directly. Right at the sensations of uncomfortableness. Don’t look away. Follow it like the north star.

Oh just now it led to nothing, which is hard to describe.
Brings experience into the body, it feels really intense.

The label uncomfortable looses traction a little, though there's still the sensation

Feels wide open here.

There are moments blinking up,
Where there's distinctly "nothing to say about this", and it feels strangely like a great loss

without the label "unconfortableness" there was now immediately a sensation that can be described VERY precisely: Falling.


It's not recreate-able per se.
thought that "removing of label" is more a questioning of label.

That person who is trying, who is fed up, and wants to do his best already (and always) does not exist. It is and always was a mirage.

There is no separate self at all, never has been, never will be…

What happens in the body reading this?

Question all the labels…
What exists prior to all labels?

Energy in the calf's is felt reading this.

Somewhere around the chest, neck or face a detached freedom is felt. Detached from...? Tension maybe?
From self?

A doubtful sensation props up that feels a little like maybe fear.

What is this intensity in the legs?

Oh, something like a holding on? There's the possibility of it being let go, and a "quickly holding on again", when asking that.


There's "something" reaaaally cautious here. Not necessarily something. Cautiousness is noticed. Pulling back, going slow.


Reading what you wrote again, feeling the body.

Of this is all there's here, there's no self.

a lot of doubt circles around being a fraud.

"Now I can't go back to seeing there is no self"
Thought pops up

What exists prior to all labels?

It's really free, untouched.

From free and untouched take a look at all these thoughts as they pass by… what is seen?

Tickling or dissolving felt in the legs immediately

It's so intense, not used to that.

Thoughts describing everything


This body rebels (it's doesn't, lack of words) at having nothing to hold on to.
Emotions run wild at this. Like a child really distraught and not sure of it should cry. <- odd thing to say

Why is it so important to comment that? Hm. Hmmmmmm headache. No. Intensity.

Oh, it's okay underneath labels

Underneath the labels "I don't know this" and also can't say anything about it, that can be held onto

Who needs to know it. to translate or decipher what simply IS…?

Is it ok to not know? to let go of what clutches to knowing and let it float away

Hello Becc :)

I think I had a bit of an epiphany about the questions.
I always wondered "how can I even answer this", when answering itself is a doing. Maybe it's just about listening in the body and nooooothing more in particular.
I think I always presumed doership in the investigation, whereas an investigation is more than needed for looking.



Translate and decipher.. that really rings whole heartedly through the body (and beyond).

Is it ok to not know?

There is hesitation in the body, yet also careful easing into the possibility.
There's relaxation and energy coming up in letting go.

Who needs to know it.

I notice a struggle of expectations around what kind of answer I should end up with here.
There seems to be resistance or tension feeling like a handbrake being on while trying to drive.
Energy flowing through.
Fear coming up along with something about grasping

Aloneness comes like a pit in the stomach.
The feeling can be endured, as it is right now.
I guess sometimes this "was called" sadness here.

It's a very clean sensation, nothing sticks to it.
In a way the body sensation feels very light.