The Gate

Hi Lubo

Does confirmation change anything on LU other than turning my name blue? Does it give me access to other forums? I don't feel any particular urgency about it. I'm happy to chat here for now, it may help someone else at the gate.

I see it more like We are already done, We are what we are already and what left is to see what we want to enjoy, to mastery.

I like this way of looking at it :)

There seems to be a consensus in the reading I did previously that further steps that are common after first waking up, further insights before true 'liberation'. There's obviously still a lot of conditioning and Luce stuff hanging around.

For now, I'm just going to spend time living and enjoying reality as I now see it. Embedding the insight. I still get caught up in thought and expectation but Awareness is always there for me to return Home to, even if I'm not always conscious of it.

In a way I still feel somewhere between lived experience and conceptual understanding. There has clearly been a fundamental change in the way I know reality to be and how I perceive it. But the nature of that change is still unfolding.

I am going to make sure I spend time sitting with myself, Awareness, every day, and that I keep coming back to this reality during everyday activities. Trust the Universe that everything will unfold as it should.

Much love, Luce

Hi Luce,

Does confirmation change anything on LU other than turning my name blue? Does it give me access to other forums?

Yes, you get the blue name and access to the FB group, but there isn't much activity there. The most valuable next step is becoming a guide—it’s a powerful way to stay in the flow. I’d be honored to be your mentor, or you can choose another guide to work with. What do you think?

I'm happy to chat here for now, it may help someone else at the gate.

Beautiful!

There's obviously still a lot of conditioning and Luce stuff hanging aroud

Mmm, what kind?

In a way I still feel somewhere between lived experience and conceptual understanding. There has clearly been a fundamental change in the way I know reality to be and how I perceive it. But the nature of that change is still unfolding.

I hear you deeply. There is a single shift of perception that reveals the entire landscape—a vastness that is far more profound than what we call 'Love.'

Would you like to play with me for a moment? Let’s take a small, delicate step.

You are the Vastness itself. From this space, look at your inner dialogue. Is there a part of you that is fighting or afraid of someone else—a parent, a partner, a friend? Meet that scared part. Look closely and realize: there is no one else. There is only You. The 'other' is a projection of your imagination; that persona does not exist in Reality.

This is not for understanding; it is for liberation from the inner war. Hug that scared part and whisper to her: 'This is a lie. That person doesn't exist. They never did.' They are like Santa Claus—they only 'exist' as long as we believe in them. Let the revelation hit you. That freedom is the goal.
So You Are real, Notice! and scared part and others are not.

Share what is coming and I will send you the next step.

So much Love,
Lubo

Hi Lubo

I hear you deeply. There is a single shift of perception that reveals the entire landscape—a vastness that is far more profound than what we call 'Love.'

I want to try to express how this is unfolding for me right now. It feels like it would be helpful to talk about it all and this is the only place that I can do that. In a way this feels lonely because I don't yet really feel the One-ness and I don't know anyone I could talk to about this. I'm so grateful for this space in which the Insight can deepen and mature.

There is no longer an entity 'in here' that is perceiving stuff that exists 'out there'. It's like the experience of watching the world through eyes has been replaced by a wide opening between Awareness and experience. It still feels like stuff I am looking at is 'over there', although I don't believe that there is actually any independently existing stuff there. I understand that all sensations and thoughts are arising right now within Awareness and sometimes I really 'get' that but it is mostly something I know to be true without really 'feeling' it as my experience. Similarly, I completely believe that all is One, that you and I are One, that I am the whole, but I feel further from really feeling that, if you know what I mean.

The pure Awareness at the core is always available but not yet always present in my experience. I start the day quietly, that core of Awareness buzzing and unmissable, but as the day goes on and I get caught up in activities and daily life, my awareness of Awareness fades. I know this is clouds obscuring the blue sky - mostly happy white fluffy clouds. And when I return to the core, return Home, sure enough it remains as it was, untouched by any of the clouds that temporarily obscured it.

There are still lost of thoughts arising, but they are mostly trying to figure out this changing experience. I have moments of experiencing afresh, noticing things I've never noticed before, but I'm often lost in thought. It's much easier to see that for what it is and the experience of being lost in thought is very different. Much less thinking about past and future, much less attachment to narrative. Some stuff has been happening recently that Luce would have told stories about that would have caused her to suffer and this is much reduced, a shadow of what it would have been, it no longer has the same traction. And on the other side of that Luce had a really big professional achievement, which was enjoyable but very different without the Luce story. I wore both the 'positive' and the 'negative' much more lightly. I am trying to remember to inquire in the moment as things arise, for example to feel and welcome emotions that arise without attaching them to a Luce story.

The sense of having a body is very different, esp with 'my eyes' closed. For example, brushing my teeth, it doesn't feel like there is a toothbrush in 'my mouth' but that there are sensations arising where there were previously no sensations, unless I watch in the mirror and then the mind puts it all together into a brush in a mouth, like it used to seem.

I don't know where the line is / if there is a line between Luce stuff and Awareness experiencing itself (Me experiencing Myself) from this unique perspective. Luce loved doing puzzles and seeing patterns and connecting concepts. These things are still enjoyable, I am playing for the sake of playing. But when I sit down to do Luce's job as an academic, is that Luce conditioning or Awareness playing? When I fulfill Luce's caring responsibilities is that Luce conditioning or care arising? Both? There was never a Luce doing those things but still they were done. I guess the answer is that life continues to happen from this unique 'Luce perspective', and it makes sense that it wouldn't change drastically. For the most part everything feels lighter and no longer narrative driven, the play of the Universe as it is happening in the moment, a small corner of the Vastness of the Universe interacting (but also the Whole?).

I am starting to ponder other aspects of the Mystery. Experience is very clearly Here and Now, all sense of past and future is only through thought. You asked me before what there was to connect anything without memory. It feels like there is continuity of experience but how can I know that to be so? There is only the experience Here and Now which manifests in a way that feels continous, but that can't actually be continuous because time is just a construct of thought. So is it really that everything is manifesting in a way that makes it feel continuous, including the memories necessary for that? There is no continuous, separate 'mind entity' to provide this continuity of experience, maybe more of an interface between pure Awareness and thoughts and sesation manifesting from this perspective.

There I go conceptualising everything again haha. But I trust that insight is unfolding as it should, in the only way that it possibly can.

One thing that is so clear is how everybody is completely caught up in the stories they are telling themselves and the suffering this causes. The total and unknowing identification with a separate self. Like so many things, it is so obvious once you have seen it.

This is a long post already, I'm going to send this and then do another post engaging with your last post :)

So much love and gratitude
Luce

Hi again :)

The most valuable next step is becoming a guide—it’s a powerful way to stay in the flow. I’d be honored to be your mentor, or you can choose another guide to work with. What do you think?

I would love to become a guide, it feels like the most valuable thing I can do with this insight is to share it with others. I would be honoured to have you as my mentor.

I don't yet feel ready to guide others though, I feel like my own insight has to mature and deepen first. I know that LU's goal is direct pointing to see through the illusion of the separate self, but it's apparent that there is much Mystery beyond the Gateless Gate, and it feels like I need to feel my way in deeper before I start to guide others, if that makes sense?

Would you like to play with me for a moment?

Yes! :)

Is there a part of you that is fighting or afraid of someone else—a parent, a partner, a friend? Meet that scared part. Look closely and realize: there is no one else. There is only You. The 'other' is a projection of your imagination; that persona does not exist in Reality.

Luce had a lot of history with her sister. That is one of the stories that caused Luce the most suffering.

There isn't much of an inner dialogue about sister any more. If anything, I feel compassionate towards her as she is so caught up in the illusion that she is a separate self and it is causing her so much suffering.

Luce had already cut off contact with sister but the pre-Gate story was that sister was likely to try to re-establish contact and how Luce might deal with this. It's obvious that none of that exists right Here and Now, it is just thought stuff that causes suffering.

The bigger point though it that none of it exists AT ALL. Sister does not exist and she never did.

Hug that scared part and whisper to her: 'This is a lie. That person doesn't exist. They never did.' They are like Santa Claus—they only 'exist' as long as we believe in them. Let the revelation hit you. That freedom is the goal. So You Are real, Notice! and scared part and others are not.

At first I thought there was nothing there but I looked deeper and found that scared part and was hit with a wave of emotion, a familiar mixture of feeling that sister often invoked, fear, frustration, anger, sadness, but also the sheer weight of the history of this lifelong relationship and the patterns worn so deep through repetition. Of how hard it was for Luce to learn to stand up to a domineering presence, and how much it took out of her to do that, and of the impact this had on other relationships, with brother and wife.

This is not for understanding; it is for liberation from the inner war.

I felt the emotion without the narrative and it swept through and dissipated. But I can still feel the grooves it has worn. But of course there are no grooves, I am still attaching narrative to emotion. The scared part is so much smaller than she was but she can't quite bring herself to believe that sister never existed. I understand but am not yet liberated.

This also brings me back to the bigger Mystery. None of these apparent personas that arise actually exist, yet it seems like their suffering is real. It seems that I can't know from this limited perspective whether that is true, all I know of experience is what manifests right Here and Now. But I must be manifesting Myself from all possible perspectives infintely and eternally. As Alan Watts put it, the Universe is playing hide and seek with Itself. I am playing hide and seek with Myself. Gah! It's probably not helpful to tie myself up with this. Just trust the Universe and let it unfold.

Much love, Luce

Hi :)

I would love to become a guide, it feels like the most valuable thing I can do with this insight is to share it with others. I would be honoured to have you as my mentor.

I don't yet feel ready to guide others though, I feel like my own insight has to mature and deepen first. I know that LU's goal is direct pointing to see through the illusion of the separate self, but it's apparent that there is much Mystery beyond the Gateless Gate, and it feels like I need to feel my way in deeper before I start to guide others, if that makes sense?

Ok. Let me know when you feel ready.

At first I thought there was nothing there but I looked deeper and found that scared part and was hit with a wave of emotion, a familiar mixture of feeling that sister often invoked, fear, frustration, anger, sadness, but also the sheer weight of the history of this lifelong relationship and the patterns worn so deep through repetition. Of how hard it was for Luce to learn to stand up to a domineering presence, and how much it took out of her to do that, and of the impact this had on other relationships, with brother and wife.

I hear you. These emotions—fear, frustration, anger—are your diamonds. Forget the sister. Save yourself first.

The Universe is a Love Affair we are making with ourselves.
Let's play Love Affair in the shadow
If you feel the curiosity,
Be the scared girl. Embody her completely. No more distance.

From deep inside her fear,
let the erotic desire surface:
How do you want to play as the scared girl erotically?

This is the goal. To allow her to play, to be included, and to be transformed.
Play with this alone first and feel the revelation.

So Much Love to you Luce,
Lubo

Hi Lubo

So much of what was holding the idea of Luce together has dissolved. There is an ease and a lightness to life. The sense of Being is apparent much of the time, and easy to 'find' after it has been obscured. But I can see now that the ego is hanging on in the guise of the seeker. I'm looking for that 'one weird trick' that will dissolve the last of assumptions that hold the sense of separation together. I know that all thoughts and experiences are arising in Awareness, and sometimes it feels like this is how experience happens. It doesn't really feel any more that there is an entity looking out from behind eyes but still somehow feels like there is subject/object. It doesn't feel like all is One without a second.

I can see that the mind is still seeking and still grasping and there's no centre to that, I see those thoughts for what they are, but it seems to be just enough to hold the last remnants of the illusion together.

I know that I 'just' need to surrender and see the truth, see how it is and always has been, and that makes no sense because there is no-one to surrender and no-thing to see.

So I am back for more guidance :)

So much love,
Luce

PS the 'Eros' thing doesn't really resonate with me :)

Hi Luce,

Regarding that 'one weird trick' to dissolve the final assumptions of separation...
It is so strange. Follow me here, without a doubt:
Notice the feeling within you.
Then, find how you are enjoying appearing as this very feeling—realizing that you are it.
It is such a strange, existential pleasure.

Eros is the only thing that will transform the ego's suffering upon this discovery.
And because you are that feeling, and you feel this existential bliss, notice how others appear from the same pleasure we are. It is so liberating! ❤️"

Love,
Lubo

Hi dear Luce,

Luchana and I are hosting a free online meeting, and we’d love for you to join us!

We will meet on February 1st at the following times:

Bali: 11:00 PM (WITA)

Europe (CET): 4:00 PM

USA (EST): 10:00 AM

If you are curious to explore this space together, please register via the link below to receive your Zoom invitation:
https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/registe ... gYdJy45lYw


Much Love,
Lubo

Hi Lubo

Follow me here, without a doubt. Notice the feeling within you.

'Without a doubt', that's the thing. The mind keeps raising doubts to raise. Is this it? Am I doing it right? Is the separation really gone? More and more I see them for what they are and I don't believe them.

Then, find how you are enjoying appearing as this very feeling—realizing that you are it.
It is such a strange, existential pleasure.

If I just rest with what IS before the words and the doubts, there is no doubt. How could there be? There is just Being. Buzzing energy and stillness, peace at the same time. Beyond and before words. I am slowly releasing the habit of overlooking it.

notice how others appear from the same pleasure we are

I know it must be so, I will try to notice it directly. (Not that there is a 'me' to 'try'.)

I am noticing how the Universe is bringing me pointers and little jokes just as I need them :)

Luchana and I are hosting a free online meeting, and we’d love for you to join us!

Thank you! I have signed up :)

Much love, Luce

Hi Luce,

'Without a doubt', that's the thing. The mind keeps raising doubts to raise. Is this it? Am I doing it right? Is the separation really gone? More and more I see them for what they are and I don't believe them.

Mind will never get it! Look at it as an erotic part from you

If I just rest with what IS before the words and the doubts, there is no doubt. How could there be? There is just Being. Buzzing energy and stillness, peace at the same time. Beyond and before words. I am slowly releasing the habit of overlooking it.

I enjoy your exploration. I was in the same place. looking and seeking.
But the goal is shift of perceptions. Change of the experience. To find what to trust :)
So put aside seeking and bring your attention to your own experience.
We are so erotic, we are the source of everything that appear.

I am noticing how the Universe is bringing me pointers and little jokes just as I need them :)

I like this!

Thank you! I have signed up :)

Nice, see you Sunday.

Much Love,
Lubo

Hey Lubo

I was in the same place. looking and seeking.

It's good to know that. I guess we all walk this path before we really really see that there is no path :)

But the goal is shift of perceptions. Change of the experience. To find what to trust :)

It's becoming more and more apparent that the doubts and the times I forget who I am are themselves appearances of Awareness. Just what is happening in my direct experience here and now. And that it's all fine. Everything is just fine, just as it is, it could not be otherwise and there is no separate Luce who can do anything about it.

I used to think that thinking was the foundation of my academic writing. And my brain worked in a way that concepts would percolate in my subconscious and then creative ideas and connections between them would pop into my conscious mind. But it's becoming more and more obvious that this creativity is arising directly from the Source. As the Source. That my best and most enjoyable writing is when the mind gets out of the way and words flow directly from the Source with such ease and clarity.

I was troubled by the thought of having to abandon concepts to live in Presence. Or at least to not spend so much time wrapped up in them. But of course the concepts and the doubts are all appearances of Being. The point is to see the concepts for what they are and enjoy playing with them in the Flow.

One thing I have been wondering about is puzzles. This mind loves doing puzzles, and then ties itself in knots wondering if this is a distraction, a way for the ego to keep itself going as the 'puzzle solver'. Or just that the Universe is enjoying using the mind to do a puzzle right now. I guess it can be both!

Thank you Lubo for walking this Pathless Path with me. I'm starting to trust that I am actually walking the path with Myself, just different characters in this amazing mind-blowing universe-wide play that I have created to amuse Myself.

Much love, Luce

Mind will calm dear Luce,

It's becoming more and more apparent that the doubts and the times I forget who I am are themselves appearances of Awareness

Look at this: "Appearances of Awareness." By Awareness, we point to The Absolute.

Now, with curiosity—without playing or imagining any role, any "me," or any small, limited body—bring attention to the body without "looking at it" as a physical object.

Simply notice: is the body here? Can anything change this in this very moment?

Now, notice that Awareness, The Absolute, appears as this body. Vast, powerful, divine. Not a wife, but the Queen—Nefertiti, Cleopatra... vast.
So is there small woman here?

Then, notice the body on the bed or chair. This is how Awareness appears as the chair or the bed—as a gift for the body.

And finally, notice: behind the body and everything else... what is there?

Love,
Lubo

Hi Lubo

is the body here?

There is nothing in my experience that confirms that there is a body. The mind is interpreting experience. Interpreting this experience to be the sight of a body, interpreting that experience to be the sensation of points of contact between a body and other things, interpreting this as the sensation of a tongue in a mouth, etc. I can't find anything that separates a body from anything else other than the mind interpreting experience in that way.

Can anything change this in this very moment?

No. Nothing can every change what is in this very moment. It is what is It is.

Now, notice that Awareness, The Absolute, appears as this body. Vast, powerful, divine. Not a wife, but the Queen—Nefertiti, Cleopatra... vast.
So is there small woman here?

No. There can't be. Without thought there is nothing to suggest that there is a small woman here. It is the mind interpreting experience in that way. It's a damn good illusion though.

Then, notice the body on the bed or chair. This is how Awareness appears as the chair or the bed—as a gift for the body.

That's beautiful :)

And finally, notice: behind the body and everything else... what is there?

It is beyond words and concepts. Pure Aliveness. Pure experience, prior to the the mind labelling and interpreting everything.

Much love, Luce

I can't find anything that separates a body from anything else other than the mind interpreting experience in that way.

Look at life and thoughts as a single appearance—like a child in Disneyland, all at once.
Approach every thought with curiosity; they are so incredibly playful.
And thoughts are only 5 %. There are much more to focus ;)

Love to You Luce,
Lubo