The Gate

Dear Elad,

I’d like to share with you that the practice is showing up more and more often throughout the day, and something within me keeps moving.
The past few days have been emotionally challenging, and some family events have brought up a lot of frustration, anger, hurt, and sadness. In those moments, the practice helps me — even if just for a little while — to observe what is happening.

Wow, I hadn’t seen this until you suggested I look at being caught in the thought that there is a self-experience there. It’s so subtle, and really fascinating to notice that even my habitual behavior — the one I would like to change — just happens. Simply by bringing attention to it, something softens and moves. I feel less caught by what arises in me as a result of the behavior, and then it shifts — without struggle.

I also notice that when a habitual reaction appears without my awareness (and lately there are quite a few of those), the ability to notice it afterwards and bring curiosity allows a bit more compassion too. It helps me to let go and to recognize that there is always movement — something unfolding moment by moment. It’s still painful, but much less stuck.

❤️‍🩹

Thank you for being in my life.

Beautiful! :)

Yes, continue to be curious about how and when "self-belief" plays out in different moments, especially the sticky ones with behaviour or internal experience you would wish was different. Continue to look in those moments:

1) What seems like self?

2) What is actually there?

3) How does it change experience to see what is actually there, as opposed to the illusion of the separate controlling self?

Write me what happens...

With you, hag sameach

Hi Elad,

In the past few days, I listened again to the Enlightening Quotes you recommended revisiting. I noticed a sense of deep calm — there was no resistance or anxiety like I remember from the beginning of the process, and there was a growing sense of clarity that keeps appearing more and more.

At the same time, in moments when I’m caught in automatic patterns, I notice that in those moments there isn’t awareness of what’s happening — the habitual behavior just happens. When attention arises, it’s afterwards, and then there are thoughts, sensations, emotions, and sometimes impulses to act.

I also noticed that when frustration arises, I find myself wondering how it’s possible to observe what’s there when there is no “what” or “who” observing. And then this evening, suddenly, a small smile appeared — an “aha” moment — of course, there is no self that chooses. Again, there was a sense of release and curiosity about what arises 🙃

Beautiful! This is all very clear. Here is another exercise for you:

Word “I”

Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more:

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?
Now say the word “I” aloud. Is that sound YOU?
Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”
Is the thought, "I exist" you?
Is the thought "I" you?
Are the sensations, images or reactions triggered by the word "I" or "I exist" you?
Does this separate you exist anywhere outside of thought?
[/quote]

Hi Elad,

I’m sharing with you the continuation of the practices, which have now become part of my daily life.
I notice how the observing arises spontaneously. Yesterday, the mantras you gave me at the very beginning suddenly came to mind — there is no separate self, there never was, and there never will be.

It arose right after a moment in which anger, hurt, disgust, and rejection appeared, and the impulses that came with those feelings triggered the familiar automatic reaction of impatience and a dismissive response to something my mother asked of me — in a way I didn’t like.

I’ve noticed that the practice allows for more compassion, and the self-critical thoughts appear less often (perhaps because there’s no self anyway 🤭). There is a more direct contact with the emotions that arise — like guilt and shame, and also the intense anger — and when I manage to stay with it, I become aware of the sadness underneath. That brings a sense of release and allows me to stay curious and present with what feels unpleasant, without being caught in it — without being “the one who is angry” or “the one who rejects.”

I was surprised by the strong resistance to the third mantra — there will never be a separate self. When I stayed with it and noticed the intensity of the disgust and anger that came up in relation to my mother, there was an insight that the fusion with the story of a separate self is trying to push away not only the behaviors my mother shows in my presence that evoke unpleasant feelings in me, but mainly the inner experience that naturally arises — and, as a result, the habitual patterns of acting from emotion.

This left me curious about what else will reveal itself. It feels like a slow movement is happening — but one that is very deep and new.

Beautiful process and insights! Here is another exercise to deepen this:

Nature Exercise

Go out into nature and spend some time watching the movement of the whole. See how clouds move, trees swing, leaves wiggle, grass moves, insects, birds - all move all the time.

Then move focus to sensations and see how they too are in constant motion, thoughts come and go, sounds, colours, sensations come and go.

Notice that everything is part of one movement.

Then close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself. If yes, where is the boundary?

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance? Is witnessing part of the one movement too?

Is there anything which is not just happening?

Go out, come back and tell me what you found.

Hi Elad,

I’m sharing a difficulty in finding words to describe the experience of the last practice. I’m still continuing with it every day. So far, I’ve noticed that a sense of calm arises when attention turns outward, to the movement of life happening outside, and tension or pressure arises when attention turns inward.

When I looked more closely at when the tension appears, I noticed a releasing moment in seeing that “things just happen.” And then, around the sense that “everything changes from moment to moment,” fear arose.

I recognized that a thought came up — that the direction points toward aging, illness, and death — and there, resistance appeared.

Resistance also came up around the sentence: “Notice that everything is part of one movement.” I’m still exploring what arises there…

Hi R,

I’m sharing a difficulty in finding words to describe the experience of the last practice. I’m still continuing with it every day. So far, I’ve noticed that a sense of calm arises when attention turns outward, to the movement of life happening outside, and tension or pressure arises when attention turns inward.

When I looked more closely at when the tension appears, I noticed a releasing moment in seeing that “things just happen.” And then, around the sense that “everything changes from moment to moment,” fear arose.

I recognized that a thought came up — that the direction points toward aging, illness, and death — and there, resistance appeared.

Good noticing here. So basically attention gets captured by thoughts of impermanence, aging, illness and death. Great you notice how all that just happens by itself, just like "selfing" does.

To go deeper with where the exercise is pointing, return to the direct experience of whatever is happening "inside" and "outside" and just notice the movement experience itself. Then look if any of it is separate from "just experience happening by itself".

Resistance also came up around the sentence: “Notice that everything is part of one movement.” I’m still exploring what arises there…

Good to be curious what arises, seeing all kinds of conditioning just coming up to be seen.

At the same time keep looking if it is actually true: that without the *conceptualizing* of and *believing* in me/not-me, inside/outside, it is all just spontaneous nature/spontaneous experience taking place.

Hi Elad,

I’m sharing that turning attention toward direct experience from the perspective that “everything happens by itself” continues to be surprising and liberating, and simply through awareness there’s also a joyful movement around the automatic patterns and habits that I care to change.

I notice that the question “Is this true?” brings up the thought that direct inquiry provides biased and limited information — a narrow perspective that doesn’t necessarily reflect what is true or not true in the world.
What feels new is that alongside this thought there is no sense of resistance, but rather curiosity.
It feels as though, alongside it, a new capacity is forming — to hold a different perspective, one that positively influences the direct experience itself.

Hi R,

I’m sharing that turning attention toward direct experience from the perspective that “everything happens by itself” continues to be surprising and liberating, and simply through awareness there’s also a joyful movement around the automatic patterns and habits that I care to change.

Beautiful.

I notice that the question “Is this true?” brings up the thought that direct inquiry provides biased and limited information — a narrow perspective that doesn’t necessarily reflect what is true or not true in the world.

On a conventional and philosopical level I would say this is absolutely valid. That also means that no one will be able to give a final counter-argument for this. We also cannot know for sure if Santa Claus and Unicorns exist or not.

The question for you is this: Is it really true that the most fundamental aspect of experience/knowing/being makes sense to question in this way? What is this most fundamental "aspect" ?

Again, on the conventional level your understanding is absolutely valid. What you can do, is question even those beliefs, and question radically what is experiencing at all, is there anyone? And see what happens. See if there is an awakening that clearly is more fundamental then what the smart and trained analytical mind could ever understand.

What feels new is that alongside this thought there is no sense of resistance, but rather curiosity.
It feels as though, alongside it, a new capacity is forming — to hold a different perspective, one that positively influences the direct experience itself

This is very positive. Continue...

Ps. The way you are moving with this is perfect. You want to keep the "not knowing" and stay loyal to it. And continue to inquire and look. Then we will see what happens.

Please write more about the way that direct inquiry is biased and limited in your experience. Spell it out as fully as possible.

Hi Elad,

Could you please clarify what you mean by the following?

“The question for you is this: Is it really true that the most fundamental aspect of experience/knowing/being makes sense to question in this way? What is this most fundamental ‘aspect’?”

In the meantime, I’m sharing that I feel a sense of freedom, much less reactivity in moments when awareness arises as automatic patterns appear. It feels right — in the sense of being effective and releasing unnecessary suffering.

I also noticed that the thought “I don’t know” simultaneously keeps an open and curious stance that is free from “knowing,” and at the same time brings up some resistance around the idea that knowing is only direct experience and not the thoughts about it on the level of “insight.”

There’s a growing sense that this paradox is not contradictory, and something allows me to move more freely between these perspectives. The experience is that the movement happens by itself — something is unfolding, and the thought that there is an “I” who chooses is starting to feel unnecessary. Now a thought arises: “I see.”
It feels as though the “I” in that thought simply describes a perspective — the way this is being spoken, both from within and outward — and that’s all.

And in these moments as I’m writing here, a thought arises: What if this new perspective is simply the “implanting” of another thought, and that’s what brings about the change that’s happening?
Then a smile appeared, along with another thought: Even if that thought is “true,” and even if it isn’t — there’s no way to know for sure. But asking it with curiosity allows for a movement that feels right. It truly feels, on the bodily level, like release and relaxation — safe and at ease — in contrast to the beginning, when there was contraction and restlessness.

Hi Rony

Could you please clarify what you mean by the following?

“The question for you is this: Is it really true that the most fundamental aspect of experience/knowing/being makes sense to question in this way? What is this most fundamental ‘aspect’?”

Respond to my last message to you, the one about explaining how direct inquiry in your experience is biased and limited (please always answer questions in blue), and it will help me know how to instruct you. The words are not intellectual knowledge I would explain in the same way to every person, but pointers for the process of liberation/awakening.

In the meantime, I’m sharing that I feel a sense of freedom, much less reactivity in moments when awareness arises as automatic patterns appear. It feels right — in the sense of being effective and releasing unnecessary suffering.

Wonderful

I also noticed that the thought “I don’t know” simultaneously keeps an open and curious stance that is free from “knowing,”

Good, and at the same time don't take "a position" of "not knowing". It is not about taking a position but about being 100% honest with yourself about your experience.

and at the same time brings up some resistance around the idea that knowing is only direct experience and not the thoughts about it on the level of “insight.”

Sometimes the high level of your intellectual thinking makes this process harder. For example thinking that "insight" is not direct experience. As therapists and academics we have been so massively conditioned to live in the world of intellectual thinking, it really often is a massive process to decondition enough so that there may be a completely open simple exploration of what is actually experienced, so there may be a completely fresh and open exploration, not mixed up with all the stuff that has been learned, the ways of thinking that have been learne.


Here is an exercise I sometime give in the beginning of the process, it points to the kind of simplicity where awakening happens:



Coloured Socks

There is a big difference between thinking about what is there and directly experiencing what is there.

Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what colour socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to come up with an answer:

•⁠ ⁠You can have a think about it, you can think back to this morning and try to remember putting your socks on, and you can probably tell me what colour you think they are.

•⁠ ⁠Alternatively, you can take a quick look at your socks and tell me what colour they actually are!

Hopefully you would agree that you can only be certain by looking.

For this process to work, it's very important that you're clear about this difference. “Thinking about” is all in the mind, and we are not interested in that in the work we do in this WhatsApp group. We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on in your present moment to moment experience. We are only interested in your direct experience in the moment.

----

There’s a growing sense that this paradox is not contradictory, and something allows me to move more freely between these perspectives. The experience is that the movement happens by itself — something is unfolding, and the thought that there is an “I” who chooses is starting to feel unnecessary. Now a thought arises: “I see.”
It feels as though the “I” in that thought simply describes a perspective — the way this is being spoken, both from within and outward — and that’s all.

This is crystal clear. As they say in Buddhism, paraphrased: The absolute does not negate the relative, the relative does not negate the absolute, and neither exist outside the other.

All is unfolding well.. Continue.

And in these moments as I’m writing here, a thought arises: What if this new perspective is simply the “implanting” of another thought, and that’s what brings about the change that’s happening?

This goes back to colored socks... Being aware of the difference between direct noticing and thinking about.

Then a smile appeared, along with another thought: Even if that thought is “true,” and even if it isn’t — there’s no way to know for sure.

This will always be the truth at the intellectual level.

But asking it with curiosity allows for a movement that feels right. It truly feels, on the bodily level, like release and relaxation — safe and at ease — in contrast to the beginning, when there was contraction and restlessness.

Beautiful

Hi Elad,

I’m sharing that I continue to practice observing, and I notice how quickly attention shifts to external distractions, or gets pulled into thoughts, or sometimes into a place for which I don’t have an exact word — but the feeling is that there’s no presence, it’s like being “in nowhere.”

I also notice how awareness simply returns again, also “from nowhere,” and so does the impulse to act.

The thought that there is stagnation comes up quite often, but when I notice it, I can also see that it appears when I realize I haven’t practiced or when an unpleasant emotion arises around the practice itself.

It’s freeing to see how this happens — and how the word stagnation both influences the direct experience and, at the same time, is influenced by it.

Hey!

Good you keep looking!

Why did you not respond to the last questions/requests?