The Gate

Dear Becca,

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I’ve taken some time with it, and I’ll continue to go through it carefully.

With many of these things, I already notice—often quite automatically—when a thought is a “story.” That seems to be working quite well much of the time. In my previous message, though, I was trying to describe the waves as the difficult part, more than my identification with the thoughts.

It’s often quite amusing to watch a thought about being excluded—or some other urgent, pressing thought—appear, and to realise almost automatically, “Ah, another story.” In those moments, I can already feel a little taste of freedom. :)

The initial thought may trigger a physical wave, but the wave can return later, even when I cannot find any thought immediately preceding it. I may simply be sitting at my computer when the pressure, pain, and sense of being driven suddenly arise again. I can see that I cannot find an owner of the wave, but the sensations are still strongly felt - and it often pushes everything else into the background, including that sense of freedom...

Could you also say something about how to look directly at these recurring bodily waves—especially when no preceding thought is apparent?

Thank you, dear Becca.

The ‘how’ is to simply feel them. Fully, and with letting go of any agenda that they should be any different.

Can you let the pressure be completely, utterly what it is without requiring freedom to accompany it?

Explore its texture.

Is there actually a “wave” there? Or are there changing sensations (pressure here, heat there, movement, pulsing, tightening, releasing) with the thought “this is the same wave coming back” laid over them?

Let me know how this goes.

Next after this there is an exercise from the Liberation Unleashed book I want to recommend, do you happen to have it? If not I will describe…

Hi Becca!
This is the first time I’ve been able to get back into the forum. The week before last, I tried several times, but the site kept showing an error message whenever I clicked “Post Reply.” Last week I was away, and now it’s working again.
But I think quite a bit has happened since then. I’ve done many exercises, including some from the LU book you recommended. Perhaps you could just tell me which exercise you had in mind.
What has happened is that I can integrate triggers quite well and perceive them as “energy.” In the sense that it doesn’t make a difference whether it’s fear, anger, sadness… It’s energy in a particular form, but coming from the same source—from the whole. I don’t know whether I’ve explained this well, but it’s now a very interesting way of feeling emotions. The same energy in different forms, leaving a particular sensation in different parts of the body: pressure, tightness, nervousness…
I feel that over the next few weeks or months, I’d like to stay with this exploration: experiencing these feelings as expressions of the whole rather than as “me.” For me, there is always the risk that this could become a cognitive process, too. On the other hand, there are already many moments of pure perception, without such concepts—just direct experience…
Much love,
Ina

Yes, the website was down. I'm going to direct message you my email address in case it happens again.

I was thinking of the Deep Looking chapter and exercises, most especially the part about Protection.

I feel that over the next few weeks or months, I’d like to stay with this exploration: experiencing these feelings as expressions of the whole rather than as “me.”

There is no me so it has always been this way... ;)
but I think I see where you are pointing.

Take whatever time feels right, weeks or months perhaps, but also a shift can happen in a moment of looking.

Much love,
Becca