a request for guidance

[Anastacia42]

Sure. Each of them.

Loving,

[yeaabuoy]

If I'm honest, they all seemed to lead me to the same place. What is the name of the person who wrote these meditations?

The most poignant for me was #4 Perceiving Receiving. It went something like this;

Asking a question
Waiting for the response
Looking at the corner of the room
Sensation of tingling in the head, [mixed with a thought of "expansiveness"
Hearing the prompt that the sense of "me" is also being received by the receiver, [attempting to interpret this with thought]
Eyes closed, seeing the darkness behind closed eyelids. [Noticing the "receptivity" of consciousness.]
Eyes open, seeing the visual of the corner of the room. [Noticing that the "receptivity" can also receive the visual image of the room.]
Eyes closed again and opened again very rapidly. [Noticing that when eyes are closed and when eyes are shut, the visual image of the room appears/disappears rapidly, but that there is something that stays when eyes are open or closed. Presumably, this is the consciousness/receptivity being spoken of in this guided meditation.]

This was quite a revelation for me.
I put thoughts/intuitions in brackets since I wasnt sure how to convey insights/intuitions as DE only.


Tracks 2&3, had similar effects.
Essentially, recognizing "identity" as a thought, and having some insight into consciousness/existence prior to identity.


Yesterday, I did some more meditation on this. In seeing through the concept of identity, however briefly, it is understood that there is no absolute volition/ownership behind any experience. Simply phenomena arising and passing away in consciousness. I can touch into this when I sit and meditate. Once I move about in the world, typing e-mails, talk to people, and while writing this post, I become re-identified. But even when I re-identify as the “self” which has been seen to be non-existent, I am in contact with the knowing that I have no volition or real existence of any kind. This alleviates a lot of the pressure, guilt, anxiety around making decisions.

I did meditation group with Vince about 5 hours ago and he seemed to think this was a genuine insight. “I” feel that there must be more to understand but “I” also recognize that there is nothing I can do to mess it up or do it right, because “I” have absolutely no control over what happens — I only think I do. Because “I” have no control, whatever “I” do is what is done and there is no other possible way it could be, so there is no pressure or fear of “messing up” or possible reward from “making the right choice.”

Let me know what you think.

Thanks

[Anastacia42]

Yes, they do lead to the same "place."

I agreed not to give out his name. He only did that once & then went into a totally different business.

Agreed with Vince.

Are you able to find that "place" now without the prompts?

Loving,

[yeaabuoy]

Are you able to find that "place" now without the prompts?

I am able to “get back” to the experience of consciousness prior to identity but it usually requires me to guide myself by using the techniques learned in the meditations you sent, in addition to some time and focus.

The rest of the time, I am “identified with the self” and experiencing from the vantage point of the self, but with the knowing that the self is completely powerless/fictitious even when it seems to have control/choice/existence. It is very odd, so I am trying to relax and let it settle as much as possible <—- Even saying that feels odd, since there is the knowing that this is basically a thought/intention with no power but it is what it is. This knowing does bring some relief and allows for thoughts/anxieties/fixations to be let go quite quickly when they are recognized.

Thank you very much for sending me those meditations and to the gentleman who recorded them, I found them very helpful.

[Anastacia42]

Okay. good. Have you tried this one?

Explore ‘Sense of Self’

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

Loving,

[yeaabuoy]

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

Sense of self does not have location, shape, or size.
It does not say or communicate anything.
Sense of self doesn't have any inherent characteristics.
Sense of self is 'made of' thought and cannot be found.

[Anastacia42]

Please get in the habit of quoting one question with the answer underneath. It will be more important when I give you some checkpoint questions and other guides have to read them.

Thank you

[yeaabuoy]

Please get in the habit of quoting one question with the answer underneath. It will be more important when I give you some checkpoint questions and other guides have to read them.

OK, I will do so in the future. Thank you

[Anastacia42]

Can you find any self anywhere?

If not how does it feel to see this?



Loving,

[yeaabuoy]

Can you find any self anywhere?

When I look, I cannot find any self anywhere.

If not how does it feel to see this?

It is a relief, there is a sense of relaxation

[Anastacia42]

Excellent.

Please re-read your entire thread & let me know if you have any questions.

Loving,

[yeaabuoy]

I don’t think I have any questions at the moment. Thank you very much for your guidance!

There are still doubts that come and go, and I am sure there are many more realizations to unfold. Do you have any other advice or insight to offer? Just no idea how to proceed. I appreciate all you’ve done.

[Anastacia42]

We have some traditional checkpoint questions & a couple of Facebook & teleconference groups for support. Let's see where you are.

Also, have you seen the 2 video about how seeing may come & go?




1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Loving,



oving,

[Anastacia42]

On October 12, I sent 2 videos & information on the 3 teleconferences


Loving,

[yeaabuoy]

Also, have you seen the 2 video about how seeing may come & go?

Yes, I watched the videos about the phase called "falling." Thank you for sending them!

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, and no. It only exists as thought.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of a separate self is the creation of an identity (via thought) to claim ownership and agency of experience as it presents itself. It starts as it observes experience and creates an identity in order to provide some reference or vantage point from which to "view" the experience.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels like a relief. I still spend much of my time identified as a self, but having briefly seen the lack of existence of self, and the falseness of identity/agency, I have far fewer anxieties about "making the wrong decision" and spend less time ruminating about the right thing to do, or regretting an action I feel to be wrong. There is an understanding that "I," as the identified self, have no real agency or control over what happens.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I listened to several of the guided meditations you sent me and that prompted some deep looking. Eventually, I touched into a place where identity/volition/agency were seen to be concepts created by thought.

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Decision is the illusion of evaluating possible actions and selecting one. For example, when I am deciding between drink A and drink B, there are certain characteristics I may focus on or evaluate as justification for choosing A over B or vice versa. In fact, the reasons for my choosing A or B are completely mysterious and beyond my comprehension.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Intention is essentially a thought or expectation about what I hope will happen in the future. If I have an intention to catch the bus, whether that happens is completely outside of my control. In fact, the decision to have an intention is also outside of my control. It causes suffering for me to identify with my thought-intention and/or to cling to an expected result/event if it does not happen.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Free will is an illusion created by thought. For example, if one decides to raise their hand in the air, they may believe this to be an exercise of their free will. In fact, there is no "self" to perform this action, and even the one who is identified as "self" and believes this action to be an exercise of free will has no control over if/how this action is performed, even if they believe they do.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Choice is related to the illusion of decision. It is the assumption of volition and the consideration of options before exercising will to select one of the available options. I, as an identified self, may believe I have a choice of which socks to wear in the morning when, in fact, which socks ultimately end up on my feet is the result of factors and influences that are completely mysterious to me and beyond my control. I may be able to create justifications about why I selected the socks I did, but this occurs in thought after the choice has already been made.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

Control is related to the illusion of free will. One believes they have the ability to determine the outcome of a situation or perform an action when, in fact, they have no such ability. Say I believe I have control over the movements of my hand-- there will be times when I drop something unintentionally or times during the day when my hands perform routine actions without any conscious input from me.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

There is nothing that ""makes" things happen and how it all works is a mystery. Things happen how they happen, and pondering proximate causes and the mechanics of the universe is only in thought.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

There is no "me" to be responsible for anything. The "me" that I sometimes think I am has no actual volition or power over what it does, even though it thinks it does. If "I" commit a crime, I will feel guilty because I will feel I have chosen to do something wrong, and I will be rightly punished by the justice system. In reality, all of experience is happening and there is no "I" to take any responsibility or credit for any of it.

6) Anything to add?

I don't think so. I still spend the vast majority of my time identified with the "self" and feeling like I have agency in what I do. On some level, I know that this is not true and therefore, I spend far less time criticizing myself for an action or ruminating about what will be the best action to take. I may need to spend some more time sitting in the space where I recognize and experience that identity/volition/ownership does not truly exist. At the moment, I am not able to find the time for this in my daily life but I am satisfied with the understanding that identity and agency are an illusion, even if it feels to me like they do exist in my daily life. Does this sound about right? I feel I am constantly balancing an avoidance of certainty against embracing doubt. On some level, I understand that all of experience, including these thoughts of doubt and uncertainty and suffering and identity, is there and cannot be controlled, changed, or owned by "me" even when I am identified with the self. It feels a relief to realize that all of this is occurring in reality, as opposed to piling the responsibility for all of it on my "self" which I have come to understand as illusory and powerless. That said, any advice you may have on how to deepen this understanding, or any corrections/further guidance you have to offer would be appreciated.

Lastly, thank you so much for taking on the task of guiding me. I appreciate all the time and effort you have put into helping me and others look into the truth.