The Gate

Sounds great. I will be doing all this! Have a wonderful trip! I'm absolutely fine with slower responses. Gives me a chance to really sink into each exercise. So please don't feel ANY pressure to respond. I enjoy the slower pace.

Love
Michele

Rowena,
I hope your trip is going wonderfully. Time with parents is so special. :-)
I'm working on noticing sensations. This is definitely helping with relaxing into things and noticing.

Where do those thoughts come from?

They just appear out of nowhere.

Can you control them?

Absolutely not. but not for lack of trying. LOL

Can you stop a thought in the middle?

No. It seems like I can interrupt a thought but with another thought,which is also just appearing. I can't stop any thought.

Can you see how every event in awareness, be it sensation, sound or feeling, is labelled by the mind?

Yes. Everything. The mind comes in and labels every.little.thing.

Now move attention to sounds around you: What is it that hears the sounds?

My ears hear the souds, but when I explore that, it's not really true. Sound comes in and it is just heard somehow. Even if I say "the brain" that doesn't really explain it either because then the sound would just buzz around the brain. Something more than that is hearing. Can't really explain.

Does there need to be a separate "I" that hears? Or is there simply awareness of sound arising? or, simply "Hearing happening."

I want to say the body can be labeled as the "I" but that doesn't resonate. So, no, there doesn't need to be a separate "I." Hearing is happening within this nebulous area of things happening. No words to explain really.

Now look even closer:

With this Direct Experience, is there a separate autonomous experience of awareness prior to the senses?
Can awareness actually be found apart from the senses, can it be found apart from thinking?

I want to say yes. Like a movie screen that is always there and then things just appear on the screen and then disappear, but the screen is always there.
Love to you!
Michele

Hi Michele,

I am having a great trip with my mom here in the UK. The weather is a bit cloudy and changeable, but since she lives by the sea I have a swim early every morning which is very invigorating!

From your last post it seems that you have really caught on to seeing that there is no separate self or "I" that is thinking thoughts, hearing sounds etc. and that it is all simply happening.

With this Direct Experience, is there a separate autonomous experience of awareness prior to the senses?
Can awareness actually be found apart from the senses, can it be found apart from thinking?

I want to say yes. Like a movie screen that is always there and then things just appear on the screen and then disappear, but the screen is always there.

I would agree with your answer, and also with the analogy of the movie screen that is always there.
It seems to be like this and this is also a satisfactory resting place for the mind.
The mind (thoughts) create a thing/concept out of something that is intangible, untouchable and unknowable and has called it awareness.

It is important to remember that awareness is a pointer.

Otherwise it can happen that awareness (noun) becomes another belief by the self.
The self discovers this new thing, awareness and says "look I'm not the Self, I'm awareness," and thus from being aware, awareness becomes a concept.

I love your answer here:

I want to say the body can be labeled as the "I" but that doesn't resonate. So, no, there doesn't need to be a separate "I." Hearing is happening within this nebulous area of things happening. No words to explain really.

Now, Lets have a look at the visual field:

Close your eyes.
With eyes closed, you will now experience a 'blackness'. There may be other things you can find going on, sure. If you are looking at a bright light, there may be a red glow, there may be sparkly bits or cloudy flecks appearing and disappearing - It really doesn't matter about the specifics. Just to make things simple, whatever you can see with eyes closed, I'm going to refer to it as 'black' or 'blackness' just for simplicity.

1) With eyes closed, can you confirm that what is experienced is 'blackness' as I mentioned?
2) Is there anything else in 'seeing' other than 'blackness'?
3) Can what is witnessing the blackness be found?
4) Can a pair of eyes, an 'I' / 'me', a person be found that is witnessing the blackness? Or is there just 'blackness' to be found?
5) Is there a "doer" of seeing, or just seeing happening?

What happens if you drop "seeing", what is left?
What do you find?
Can an INHERENT SEE-ER be found?
Would anything that is suggested as the see-er, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

Now quietly open your eyes and with a soft gaze take in the visual field.
Gently allow colors and shapes to be perceived and any thoughts identifying particular objects.
Pay attention to simply seeing.
Now bring attention to awareness of seeing.
Follow the movement of mind or thought.....
What is happening to the seeing when attention is focused on 'awareness' as a thing?
Can you see that awareness becomes caught up into something called "attention?"
Now let go of attention and go back to gently seeing with a wide focus.
Can awareness be found separate from seeing?


Now
1. keeping a relaxed open gaze on the visual field.
2. Shift attention to feeling that sense of self as seeing is happening.

As you continue to gaze, and staying away from the temptation to get into thought, ask yourself"
Where does it FEEL that the visual field is? And now,
Where does it feel that I am?
Allow your attention to shift gently backwards and forwards between body sensation (sense of self) and seeing.

Can a felt sense of "I" or self be found separate from the seeing?

With love,
Rowena

Good morning!

I'm continuing my work, sloowly. :-)

1) With eyes closed, can you confirm that what is experienced is 'blackness' as I mentioned?

Yes

2) Is there anything else in 'seeing' other than 'blackness'?

no

3) Can what is witnessing the blackness be found?

No. I want to say "I am" but I can't find where that "I" is.

4) Can a pair of eyes, an 'I' / 'me', a person be found that is witnessing the blackness? Or is there just 'blackness' to be found?

I so want to get technical here and spout off about the mechanics of the body and vision, etc. But that is just that, mechanics. Blackness is just here.

5) Is there a "doer" of seeing, or just seeing happening?

Seeing is happening

What happens if you drop "seeing", what is left?
What do you find?

nothing, just blackness

Can an INHERENT SEE-ER be found?
Would anything that is suggested as the see-er, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

No. just the concept of a 'seer' I just realized that I know it is is a concept, yet I identify with that concept. but I can see it's just made up to explain things.

Now quietly open your eyes and with a soft gaze take in the visual field.
Gently allow colors and shapes to be perceived and any thoughts identifying particular objects.;
Pay attention to simply seeing.
Now bring attention to awareness of seeing.
Follow the movement of mind or thought.....

What is happening to the seeing when attention is focused on 'awareness' as a thing?

When I am si,ply seeing, I just notice everything. When I bring my attention to it (awareness) I see individual things, label them, think "I am seeing this or that"

Can you see that awareness becomes caught up into something called "attention?"

definitely.

Now let go of attention and go back to gently seeing with a wide focus.
Can awareness be found separate from seeing?

When I go back to seeing with a wide focus, there is a relaxation and expansion in the body, yet every so subtle. They are not separate, but can seem separate when I label it.

Love to you,
MIchele
Now
1. keeping a relaxed open gaze on the visual field.
2. Shift attention to feeling that sense of self as seeing is happening.

As you continue to gaze, and staying away from the temptation to get into thought, ask yourself"

Where does it FEEL that the visual field is? And now,
Where does it feel that I am?

The visual field is all around, everywhere. and I am just a part of it.
Allow your attention to shift gently backwards and forwards between body sensation (sense of self) and seeing.

Can a felt sense of "I" or self be found separate from the seeing?

I can go from "I am sitting in a chair, seeing" to kind of a floating in the middle of the whole field. It is so subtle.

Dear Michele,

It sounds like you are having fun with your explorations! :>)

When I go back to seeing with a wide focus, there is a relaxation and expansion in the body, yet every so subtle. They are not separate, but can seem separate when I label it.

Isn't it wonderful how there is an immediate response from 'the body', as if there is an acknowledgement of "This is Good!"

I am getting ready to drive from the UK back to Belgium tomorrow, so I suggest that you keep on investigating with each sense. For example, you could explore eating a piece of fruit, or smelling a flower, and notice what senses are involved:

i.e. eating a piece of fruit involves seeing, touching, smelling, sensation and sound....and of course thinking!
And then let the thinking fade out and spend a little time with each sense.
As you listen to the inner crunch of the biting etc. notice other sounds at the same time.
Taking is slowly and gently:

Without thought labeling each sound and where it is coming from, is there any means of identifying each sound as separate from the whole sound field?

Let me know how you get on!

With love,
Rowena

Dear Michele,

How are you getting on?

With love
Rowena

Hello Rowena!

Are you back from holiday? I hope you had (or are still having) a wonderful time. I am getting along wonderfully. I had a big shift and I am enjoying the peace I am experiencing right now. I don't know if you know who Kyle Cease is, but he did a coaching session with me and helped me really release a lot of trauma that was in the body. I have spent most of the day today just noticing what is here. I'm not sure what energy was released, but it seems much easier today to just notice what is arising.

I'm ready for whatever you have for me.

Love,
Michele

Dear Michele,

I hadn't heard of Kyle Cease, but took a quick look online. I am so glad that he has helped you release some trauma energy. This is so important, and although sometimes we can get a clear idea of what the trauma related to this is not always possible and it is not necessary to know.

Lets get back to looking at thinking and the content of thought.

FRIEND/STRANGER

Bring up a thought about a character labeled (who you consider to be) "friend."

Then bring up a thought about a character labeled "stranger."

Compare these thoughts.

Is there a difference in these thoughts?

Is there a true difference or is it just different thought content?

Now, bring up a thought about a character labeled "friend."

After that, look at a thought about the character labelled "me.”

Is there any difference as far as thinking goes?

Is there anything special about thoughts with the content "me-character?"

Notice any sensations arising, allow them to be without labelling and return to the thought inquiry.

Let me know what is found.

The suggestions for daily practice is this:

Look at what is in front of you. Try to see it *without* the names, labels and stories you have imagined for it. Go blank verbally and let the thing be itself with no words, just colors and shapes. Just relax into contemplating whatever is before you as perceived by your 5 senses. If you are able, you may include "self," in this experiment, or if you are sitting, you might see a body part, observe it without labelling. LOOK without words and memory of what you were taught, are there any such things as "table?" "Lamp?" etc. without words to describe them?

Notice that thoughts arise, but do not latch onto them. Let them be.
Question them if they are persistent. Such as,
"This is a table. Is that true? How do I know this is a table?
When did I learn that?
Does it exist as a separate 'thing' apart from tree (wood), or plastic (oil) flat surface on legs etc.?
When does a table become a table, whether I call it a "table" or not?"
When does what is called a "chair" become a chair?

Please PLAY around with this thinking/not-thinking. This exercise is not to de-program your memory of what things are in daily life, it is a contemplation exercise to see both how useful labels are in everyday life and at the same time the unknown origination of what they are when all descriptions and labels are removed.

With love,
Rowena

Rowena

FRIEND/STRANGER

Bring up a thought about a character labeled (who you consider to be) "friend."

Then bring up a thought about a character labeled "stranger."

Compare these thoughts.

Is there a difference in these thoughts?
Is there a true difference or is it just different thought content?

There is no difference in these thoughts. Both reference a body, a human. I have labeled one as "friend" a post-it note on them so to speak. but that label is just a thought. No true difference. just different thoughts.

Now, bring up a thought about a character labeled "friend."

After that, look at a thought about the character labelled "me.”
Is there any difference as far as thinking goes?
Is there anything special about thoughts with the content "me-character?"

No, both are the same. A body, a human. no difference as far as thinking goes.

Notice any sensations arising, allow them to be without labelling and return to the thought inquiry.

Let me know what is found.

sensations and thoughts did arise, but wow. no, no difference in the characters. When I just picture the two (friend and me) they are just thoughts. hmmm

I will be doing the next part over the next couple days. That sounds interesting.
Michele

Wonderful! Looking forward to hearing how the next part goes.

R xx

Rowena,

Notice that thoughts arise, but do not latch onto them. Let them be.
Question them if they are persistent. Such as,
"This is a table. Is that true? How do I know this is a table?
When did I learn that?
Does it exist as a separate 'thing' apart from tree (wood), or plastic (oil) flat surface on legs etc.?
When does a table become a table, whether I call it a "table" or not?"
When does what is called a "chair" become a chair?

This was a fun exercise. it was almost as if everything just blurred together, almost like they faded into each other. I was able to allow the thoughts of naming the items just to appear and go away.

Michele

Dear Michele,

This was a fun exercise. it was almost as if everything just blurred together, almost like they faded into each other. I was able to allow the thoughts of naming the items just to appear and go away.

I am so happy that you found it fun! :)


The Word “I” or ME exercise

Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more:

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?

Speak the word “I” silently; be aware of any responses through body sensations to the word "I".

There might be some body reaction, and if there is, stay with the feelings and watch them move around without attaching any labels.

Are any of these reactions in your body or thoughts in your mind by themselves YOU?

Now say the word “I” aloud.

Is that sound YOU?

Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”

Does the thought "I" make you YOU?

Look carefully AND PLAYFULLY for any experience that you can name as "I" or ME.

With love,
Rowena

Good Morning!

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?

Nope, not at all. jsut a scribble.

Speak the word “I” silently; be aware of any responses through body sensations to the word "I".

There might be some body reaction, and if there is, stay with the feelings and watch them move around without attaching any labels.

Are any of these reactions in your body or thoughts in your mind by themselves YOU?

Not at all. I actually felt the word just sort of floating around my awarness. Not a lot of reactions at all.

Now say the word “I” aloud.

Is that sound YOU?

Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”

Does the thought "I" make you YOU?

No. The sound is just that, a sound. When broken down like this, it is very easy to just see it as a word on a paper or a thought, or a sound. none of which are "me" It's just a word. :-)

That was fun. I almost giggled through it. :-)
Love,
MIchele

I love that you almost giggled!

Have a look at this one:

INTRODUCTORY BODY EXERCISE

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes. Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ actually refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

With love,
Rowena

Good morning!
Sorry for the delay. Back to school craziness!

Can it be known how tall the body is?

No

Does the body have a weight or volume?

no

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

no, I can only "think" I feel a shape or a form by past experiences

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?

I can feel my clothes, but not an acutal boundry between them

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Once again, I can feel the chair, but not a firm boundry

Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

This was a little more difficult. I first thought the skin as the boundry between inside and outside, but that doesn't feel right when I sit in sensation. I can't feel my skin as a boundry. So, no there isn't an inside or an outside. weird.

What does the word/label ‘body’ actually refer to?

The label refers to this mass of cells, the living organism, the systems that sustain the the whole.

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

When I sit in just sensation, I can barely even feel my body. It is just a subtle throbbing of energy, no beginning and no end. I can feel the heart beating and an energy present.

Thank you!
MIchele