Please see the response to the questions below:
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. There is no separate self.
Everything just arises in direct experience or in consciousness. All is one consciousness.
All is one.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Over generations, lifetimes, as a kid...whose mind is created and programmed to labelling, to memorize, to judge, to analyze against beliefs etc. Programmed to believe in a separate self and a doer of activities/actions.
In turn one forgets the truth and starts identifying with limited labeled form/body. Also, Identifies with thoughts, feelings, etc. Mind externalizes everything and keeps us in the plane of past/future, wants/desires etc.
Stillness and pause brings us back to seeing the musings of mind and source behind mind and senses etc.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
A deep calm has set in.
Thank you, Stacy, for holding space and patiently keeping me on track.
My experiments with various teachings kept the mind very open and experimentative,
however, it wasn't a firm yes that I was seeing it clearly and beyond. mind.
My expectations served as a block; something was there that was keeping me in a denial loop.
Philosophy and questioning served as a distraction.
Stopping everything clearly has served wonderfully. Pausing to observe the sensations and it's arising clearly showed the musings of the mind; how it derails again n again. Seeing the sensations come and go has been very reassuring.
It took me a few days to confirm that there is no self.
I was searching for continuity and not glimpses.
Grateful for pointers from Stacy from all my heart. Thank you
PS: Reluctantly, use i/me/myself ...unfortunately, limitations of the language.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Accepting that it is not continuous and compassionately accepting this thought for continuity has helped.
Also, the thought, maybe there is something else is also very humbling.
It has always been here, it is behind everything, it is everything.
Still the search has been never ending.
Never expected it to be so simple and accessible :) Truth humbles me beyond words.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
There is no decision. Everything is happening and happens on its own.
What presents in this moment is acted upon in that moment. No planning, no decisioning.
Just spontaneous actioning. No one deciding, no one doing anything. Just pure witnessing.
The exercise we did, raising a hand just happened. Which hand was never a decision.
Observing over the last few days, just get up and do things...then mind owns up the decisioning/doing part later ...there is a space between acting and owning.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intention is also another thought. Good/Bad is labels of the mind.
There is no intention. Just spontaneous actioning/responding to what is presented in the moment.
No classification of good/bad needed. Again, mind comes to work later.
Actioning just happens in the moment, in spite of any intention in the thoughts.
I may have an intention to sleep in.
However, i just get up and get going next morning and actioning happened in that moment irrespective of intentions.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
No thing as free will, no thing as will.
Universal consciousness/flows or is at work on its own.
My mind can align or not align it is insignificant. My mind can interpret and do anything. That all futile and not needed.
Things just happen on their own in the nature.
If i look back at life, everything seems to just have happened on its own whether or not I did something or not.
I is just a thought again. I am doing is also just another thought.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
There is no choice. As shared above.
Universal consciousness/flows or is at work on its own.
If i look back at life, everything seems to just have happened on its own whether or not i did something or not.
Mind claims to have made those choices. However, it was never the case:). What an illusion i have lived till now.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
There is no controller. As shared above for free will and choice.
Universal consciousness/flows or is at work on its own.
Definitely not me any longer. Had mistakenly assumed to be controlling my limited world!
Had often wondered many times in life. Why things worked and came effortlessly many times.
Why things didn't click many times.
Trying to learn lessons (crafted stories from the mind) ...as assumed controller thought back then, had some scope to improve. :)
Things just happen how they happen.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
There no one in particular that makes things happen.
Universal consciousness/flows is at work on its own. As Buddha guides us...such is the nature of things.
Everything just arises and passes away in consciousness/direct experience.
There is just continuous silent observation.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Nothing.
Everything is just happening on its own. Continue to watch and observe as things unfold.
There is just continuous silent observation.
Last few days, i have just let things unfold in different ways...few things that didn't need my involvement appeared and vanished. Some needed my involvement and they reappeared, and I thought i acted but when it happened on its own.
These were very focused and to the point discussions. Noticed, a very deep listening happened then.
6) Anything to add?
Please do review my response and guide me further/next steps.
Thank you for this wonderful community and support I have received.
I am grateful from all my heart.
@Stacy - if it's feasible, I would really love to speak with you on phone/zoom call.
With Metta,
~ruchi