Hi Ron,
I hope you had a merry Christmas and happy new year!
I have been on quite a journey since we last spoke and I feel the time is right to come back to you to see if I have made progress in ‘unleashing liberation’.
I have studied quite a bit of content including Bernardo Kastrup’s views, which has really helped me to connect some dots, lower my guard and intellectual defenders, and put some intellectual issues to rest. He is very gifted so thank you very much for recommending him. I am open to any other suggestions you have.
Where is intelligence?
- I use to think that all forms of my intelligence started in my brain (materialist view I guess), but from my experience I have observed that there is many forms of intelligence in (throughout) and outside my body.
- When my mind and body are still, calm and connected I can get into this meditative ‘flow’ state. It feels like there is some outside universal intelligence or life force pointing me the way (which is outside my thoughts). It feels right.
- I have learned I have a dissociative disorder which has allowed me to disconnect from my everyday personality. I can harness this use to assist in meditation by realising my everyday personality is empty as is my thoughts, feelings, concepts and stories. I can then rest in that emptiness which allows me to connect with this meditative, universal life force.
- the above is all concepts based on feelings and experiences, but at its core I can experience the following:
1. SeekerJ is just a concept developed over my life
2. What feels like the core me is when I am connected with this meditative aware presence. As Bernardo states, being in this state feels more real than when I am in SeekerJ’s state. So who knows for sure what this means, but if we can only say I am because there is something to feel like I am, then using this line of logic, there is a stronger sense of I am when connected with this aware presence when my attention is reflected back on itself (or using some psychedelics), so I am most clearly when I am in this state.
3. When I enter this source, seeker J fades (ego death) and I just be. This aware presence is full of love, energy, life, emptiness, awareness, healing, power, higher vibration, peace, connectedness. As I stay longer in this state, I can strengthen my presence throughout he day and try to bring this peaceful presence into all aspects of my life, or the life of seekerJ.
I still have a lot of trouble with the concept that seekerJ has no ‘free will’. I make the below notes:
1. Bernardo makes it clear that he believes Little Bernardo (ego personality) has no free will and once he decided to rest in the flow of Big Bernardo (life), he was able to be at peace and enjoy life a lot more, even though many decisions he made little Bernardo (his ego) didn’t like. This is a very important point.
2. Bernardo recommends Rupert Spira, as Spira doesn’t give intellectual arguments like Bernardo but arguments from this ‘presence’. So you either get what Spira means becuase you experience the presence or you don’t. Either way, intellectualising spirals arguments misses the point of his work.
3. I totally agree with the above. When I listen to Spira (or Eckhart Tolle or Mooji) very often, I can rest my intellectual mind, and listen from a place of open, aware presence. Alamos always all of these people convince me of what they have to say based on me experiencing this presence that they talk about. If I tried to think about their arguments from seekerJ I wouldn’t be able to come to say experiential understanding,
4. The above is what I understand we focus on at liberation unleashed, and what you have been encouraging me to do, to think and intellectualise less and feel or experience more. This feels threatening to seekerJ (my ego) because through experience I can come to this place of presence where my ego essentially is temporarily no more (in a way dies). Now I can see why people find it so difficult to meditate and just ‘be’, because their whole life in the West is often based on building up and strengthening their ego personality by ‘doing’. No one wants to realise all they have worked for and suffered their whole life is a total waste in absolute terms when they experience a oneness with just being im this loving presence. The things they have been desperately searching for by ‘doing’ is actually right inside them… their internal diamond just needs polishing through just being/ connecting and living through this presence and flow/ and perhaps by awakening by experiencing some psychedelics.
5. When Rupert Spira was asked about if we make have ‘free will’ his answer was different to Bernardo. He stated that the Big aware I provides all awareness but then that awareness is refracted through the Little I ego’ senses as there are an infinite things to pay attention to. Where we choose to place our attention on is where this aware Big I conciousness reaches and flows to. So the Little I does have relative free will in that we have a moment to moment choice whether we should retract and live from the Big I or use our Little I’s limited senses and attention, to place this awareness on external objects. He says this is a real choice our little I can make, which is free of the Big I, as the big I is simply the knowing movie screen on which our little I chooses what to play/show through its focus on external objects. But if our little I chooses to collapse our focus, attention and senses internally then we can connect with the Big I…… I am not sure where to take this considering Spira also stated that brain studies have revealed that we often make unconscious decisions before we are consciously aware of them…. Spirals answer may be in the impulse control our little I is capable of, it can then make a decision once conscious to either stop this flow of energy and / or allow its focus to be placed external objects and strengthening itself, or diminishing / killing itself by going back to the source of the Big I and allowing the Big I to act through us through being with the flow of energies of life …
6. Eckhart tolle seems to suggest something by similar re free will. He said he doesn’t believe in either man made concepts of free will or determinism, and that the Big I life force is the currrent we are swimming in, and the Little I can choose to be with the current and let the current take us via being with the flow of energies of life, or our little I we can make a relative free will choice by swimming against the current (perhaps by forcing things in life which may not feel right when we are in the big I presence). Swimming against the current of life causes much suffering and hardship and when we finally give up and let the current take us we are much more happy and things become much easier…..
7. Eckhart also states that the little I developed due to an ego drive to become stronger and separate from the big I. The negative effects of this little I can be seen in the damage we do the earth, each other and ourselves. When we choose to die every moment and live from the presence of the flow of energies of the Big I, then we can allow conciousness to be concious of itself and appreciate its own manifestations. He states higher complex manifestations of conciousness is a natural evolutionary development ie the flower, diamond, person- all living from the big I to appreciate consciousnesses beautiful own creations.
Bernardo says he doesn’t know why we have revolved the way we did, but that we should trust that nature revolved for a purpose so we should continue doing rather than by trying to be all the time.
These two views seems at odds and I wonder what your view is? It seems that they could agree in the sense that the Big I wants to develop conciousness or appreciate its own beautiful manifestations and as such more complex life forms have developed ending with us with the ability to appreciate all the beauty of conciousness, and although we can do as doing is the form of this life and is fun, we should always remember we come from the big I, and we should live from this presence when we are doing.
Sorry for the long message, there is a lot there, and in a way I think using both my ‘doing’ (intellectualising) and ‘being’ (meditating and experencing) has helped me to work a fast pace and allow myself the protection that he at I am working towards is important, and as I feel that ‘being’ with the flow of the energies of life via living through the presence of the Big I is where I am healing, that I can justify this rationally so I am not as defensive, which people should be when considering the changes living from this presence can make in one’s life and values, and at al levels.
I really appreciate all your help and I look forward to your response!
Thanks a lot, SeekerJ