1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
There is no separate self whatsoever. There never was, and never could be. The word/thought/convention "I" can be a useful concept on a relative, human level, but it is fundamentally empty and refers to nothing that exists in reality.
2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?
The separate self is a myth, and like a myth, it can be a powerful and useful tool, in its proper context. Also like a myth, if taken literally instead of symbolically, it's a source of incredible confusion, anxiety, and suffering.
The false belief leads to such utter, comic futility. Trying desperately to protect/improve/enlarge the status of something... when you can't possibly do anything about anything, and there's nothing to protect/improve/enlarge the status of anyway!
In actual experience, the only place to find "myself" is in the content of thoughts. Thoughts that claimed "I thought that!" "I did that!" "I felt that!" "I'm going to do this!" "I want that!" "I hate this!"
"I" is a label slapped onto pretty much everything in experience, because of an unquestioned and completely erroneous belief that an object requires a subject.
Through the inquiry, nothing has changed, except now I know how to look. I've learned to see past the mountains of concepts--useful and fascinating as they can be--to touch base with reality.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
There's great relief from the sense of urgency I've had my whole life to just find The One Right Answer. The path, the practice, the belief, the system. The intellect can never be satisfied, but that's not a flaw.
Things feel lighter, funnier, a bit more exciting. I'm looking forward to what comes next.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
As I had mentioned earlier, realizing that even the idea of a "hand" in the experience of touching the table was an intellectual thought/belief finally pushed me all the way over. The thought-overlay is incredibly thick and complicated; reality is profoundly simple.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Decisions and intentions and choices are thoughts that appear. Actions happen. More thoughts appear claiming that the prior thoughts were what caused the actions, and that those prior thoughts didn't just appear, they were brought about by a thinker/doer/self: those are the concepts of free will and control.
I have no idea what makes things happen or how anything works. I don't even know if it's possible to know any of that. As far as direct experience goes, things are just happening. All I know for sure is that *I* am not doing it.
Here's how taking a drink of water happens, in my experience. A very, very abridged version.
Raw sensation/feeling.
Thought label: thirst.
Verbal thought: I'm thirsty!
Raw feeling/emotion.
Thought label: desire.
Verbal thought: I want a sip of water.
Raw sensation/sight.
Thought label: water bottle.
Verbal thought: There's my water bottle. I'll take a drink now.
Action happens.
Verbal thought: I decided to take a drink, and then I moved my body to do it.
Essentially, the stream of thoughts is just commenting on what's already happening in reality (and within other thoughts), and claiming that an "I" is feeling/deciding/doing those things. There is no actual evidence to support the thoughts' claims--just more thoughts pointing to other thoughts!
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
Thankfully, I'm not responsible for anything at all. It's all happening by itself, just as it's supposed to, and there's not a damn thing I could do to start, stop, or change any of it. "I" just show up in thoughts to take credit (and blame!) for shit I had absolutely nothing to do with, haha!
6) Anything to add?
Thank you. I don't think I could've looked behind intellect without someone helping, challenging, and holding me accountable.
If this is liberation, it is definitely not eternal, suffering-free bliss, and I can see how it would be easy to miss. And kind of a hard sell to a seeking "self". But I can also see how this will slowly change everything, as this truth becomes integrated into "my" life.
