The truth doesn't need my belief to exist

[Jadzia]

Well Done!

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In vipassana I would scan the body (including toes). I see now that this is thought driven.

Yes, in vipassana you feel a sensation or focus on something and label it, this sort of makes body real, doesn't it?

But, if I follow your instructions and allow the sensations to speak first & only listen to sensations. There are no toes.

no.

Rather than using my head to guide my awareness to my toes, my awareness became my feet - or at least that area. But no boundaries.

No boundarie, nice eh?

And what about awareness?
Up to now you looked from a point in your head, right? So awareness can switch to another point of view or area?
Have a close look at what is labeled awareness? What is it in DE?

Is body tall? Cannot tell
Body size or shape? No, as soon as I look at where I think the boundary is, it disappears
No inside or outside
No confirmation or inclination of body age, gender

Right.

What does all this tell you about body?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

And what about awareness?
Up to now you looked from a point in your head, right? So awareness can switch to another point of view or area?
Have a close look at what is labeled awareness? What is it in DE?

I’m going to look at this more & get back to you

Is body tall? Cannot tell
Body size or shape? No, as soon as I look at where I think the boundary is, it disappears
No inside or outside
What does all this tell you about body?

So no boundaries can be found from my inner perception with eyes shut
But
I’m confused about this. I close my eyes again
If a knife swipes 1cm above my hand. I will have no sensation
If a knife touches me, I get sensations
So with outside interference there is a clear boundary.
Much love

[Jadzia]

If a knife touches me, I get sensations

With closed eyes, how is it known it is a knife, and a hand is touched?
What is seen with open eyes? A hand, a knife? Or just colour?

Put your hand on the table and close your eyes for a moment.
Feel!
Is there a table and a hand?
If you don't listen to thought what do is felt?
Are there two sensations, hand and table, or one?

Love
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

If a knife touches me, I get sensations
With closed eyes, how is it known it is a knife, and a hand is touched?
What is seen with open eyes? A hand, a knife? Or just colour?

Just more sensations
I open my eyes, colour

Put your hand on the table and close your eyes for a moment.
Feel!
Is there a table and a hand?
If you don't listen to thought what do is felt?
Are there two sensations, hand and table, or one?

There are more sensations. Different than before I put my hand down.
But I cannot distinguish between hand & table. I cannot clearly define where hand ends & table begins.

You asked me, what does this say about the body. I still don't know.

Another example that comes to mind. I hurt my finger with a hammer. I close my eyes & there is a big throbbing sensation. It feels like my finger is physically expanding & contracting with the pulse of the throbbing.
I then open my eyes & see that my finger is not moving at all.
This points me to conclude that the mind can play games on me.
But if I go deeper, behind the concepts of throbbing I would see that there are sensations.

As soon as I add a label like adding boundaries - inside my body, outside my body, I can no longer trust.

Up to now you looked from a point in your head, right? So awareness can switch to another point of view or area?
Have a close look at what is labeled awareness? What is it in DE?

I close my eyes & feel the sensations in my foot.
I am so in the habit of sending the awareness from mind that thoughts dilute & distort the sensations coming back. If I allow my foot to simply talk to me via sensations, it’s a very different message. More expansive, less defined.

I am now trying top just allow a great area than just my foot. I am trying to allow awareness to be. This is proving tricky. I keep flipping back into autopilot. But i get the point of awareness not being from the head.

Much Love

[Jadzia]

But I cannot distinguish between hand & table. I cannot clearly define where hand ends & table begins.

One sensation, right? Isn't that interesting?

Another example that comes to mind. I hurt my finger with a hammer. I close my eyes & there is a big throbbing sensation. It feels like my finger is physically expanding & contracting with the pulse of the throbbing.
I then open my eyes & see that my finger is not moving at all.
This points me to conclude that the mind can play games on me.
But if I go deeper, behind the concepts of throbbing I would see that there are sensations.

Well done, good example.

It is good for you that right now you notice how quickly thoughts mask the pure experience, offers explanations, assumption, guesses, guidance, advice, judgement and whatever else.
There is just experience around which a whole story is woven.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with it.

Now observe how all this thoughts' work build a story called Sidstrates life. Just catch moments of the day observe and then let go again. Do it lovingly and with an explorers kind of interest.

But i get the point of awareness not being from the head.

Good.

Here is another body excercise you might like. It is deceiving in its simplicity, wonderful to explore.
Lie on your back and relax. Have a look at the ceiling.
There is thought to be a distance between that what is thought to be known as ‘body’ and that what is labelled ‘ceiling’.

Close your eyes. Now focus on the space between body and ceiling.
Take your time, breathe in and out and simply look. Keep the eyes shut.
What do you notice?
Is there a body? Is there a ceiling? Is there a distance?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

Now observe how all this thoughts' work build a story called Sidstrates life. Just catch moments of the day observe and then let go again. Do it lovingly and with an explorers kind of interest.

Yeah, I see that seeing is the thing.
It’s dawning on me just how much of my world is thought

Here is another body excercise you might like. It is deceiving in its simplicity, wonderful to explore.
Lie on your back and relax. Have a look at the ceiling.
There is thought to be a distance between that what is thought to be known as ‘body’ and that what is labelled ‘ceiling’.

Close your eyes. Now focus on the space between body and ceiling.
Take your time, breathe in and out and simply look. Keep the eyes shut.
What do you notice?
Is there a body? Is there a ceiling? Is there a distance?

I’ve had a couple of goes at this. I’ll repeat some more tomorrow & let you know how I get on.

Much Love

[Jadzia]

It’s dawning on me just how much of my world is thought

Yes. How much would you say now, my world=thoughts?
What about this my world, what is your world?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

Close your eyes. Now focus on the space between body and ceiling.
Take your time, breathe in and out and simply look. Keep the eyes shut.
What do you notice?
Is there a body? Is there a ceiling? Is there a distance?

From the point of view of DE, there is no ceiling. I close my eyes & space disappears, everything disappears. Leaving sensations of whatever is at that moment.

A collapse of space. There are just sensations - no space.

It’s dawning on me just how much of my world is thought
Yes. How much would you say now, my world=thoughts?
What about this my world, what is your world?

My world is a world that needs to be unlocked. It’s a mystery, a puzzle. A movie!
But these are merely thoughts!

Much love

[Jadzia]

From the point of view of DE, there is no ceiling. I close my eyes & space disappears, everything disappears. Leaving sensations of whatever is at that moment.
A collapse of space. There are just sensations - no space.

How did it feel? How did you feel with it?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

I don't really know

[Jadzia]

What is it what you probably found out but not really know? ;-)
How does what you found out up to now make you feel?

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

I have done the exercise a number of times & it is enjoyable. It feels powerful.

But I think I’m getting confused with thoughts. I don't know how I am REALLY feeling.
I want to say a collapse of the gaps. Everything is one.

But I fear these are just more thoughts.

[Jadzia]

I have done the exercise a number of times & it is enjoyable. It feels powerful.

It was one of my favourites, too. :-D
What exactly did you enjoy? What felt powerful?

But I think I’m getting confused with thoughts. I don't know how I am REALLY feeling.
I want to say a collapse of the gaps. Everything is one.
But I fear these are just more thoughts.

This is a bit tricky isn't it? Thoughts are studies, seen in a different light, some never point to anything but others still can be epiphanies.
Yes, there are always "just more thoughts", yet we need the words in thoughts to describe something.
There is nothing wrong with simply enjoying them - the ranting bla bla ones as well as the epiphanies.

Love,
Jadzia

[Sidstrate]

Closing my eyes after watching the space above, was powerful because I experienced a collapse in the distance. It’s difficult to put into words but there was no space, just energy. Even saying something like connection doesn’t really give it justice. It was everything.

But then afterwards I ‘struggled to find the same experience. That is when I posted back to you about getting confused with thoughts.

I am also enjoying my thoughts! At least some of them ;)

Much Love

[Jadzia]

Closing my eyes after watching the space above, was powerful because I experienced a collapse in the distance. It’s difficult to put into words but there was no space, just energy. Even saying something like connection doesn’t really give it justice. It was everything.

Beautiful.
What about this everything -Is it in any way separate from you?

But then afterwards I ‘struggled to find the same experience. That is when I posted back to you about getting confused with thoughts.

Many of us fall for that, trying to get an experience back.
One could call these kind of experiences carrots, they taste gorgeous, sweet and juicy and then we want more.These experiences keep us on track and they are like windows showing what is.
Best thing one can do is to enjoy them while they last and then let them go.

Here is a little exercise:
1. Hold a hand in front of you, palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Enjoy exploring!

Love,
Jadzia