The Gate

By the way, Steve, reading other people's experiences in "Gateless Gatecrashers," and "Liberation Unleashed" and "Look! Seeing What is," at the Books link above is at least as relevant as the Rupert Spira retreat, maybe even more so because the exercises and language will be closer to what is being guided here.

The books were written to help here. They are recommended.

It's up to you, of course.

Much love,

I forgot to mention that I started reading gateless gatecrashers at The Retreat and that it was extremely relevant and important. There was a synergistic effect with the retreat. I also reread some of our posts and described a few of the exercises to my roommate. He found the comment about the feeling of self as not actually a feeling to be one of the most important parts of the week despite the fact that it was not directly related to Rupert Spira. The feeling is actually just another thought or concept. That has been a turning point for me too. That was extremely helpful.

Glad to hear that.

Love,

Good morning,

I did the exercise several times.

The thought "I feel stuck" does not know anything about feeling stuck. There is nothing in the words that suggests "I feel stuck". Definitely not the stuck self. Just words. Totally unrelated to anything else.

The sensation in the body does not know anything about being stuck and is not the stuck self. Nothing behind it. Thoughts come up which "feel" like the "self" but noticed them, and they are just thoughts that come up (tearing up a little as I write this. Understanding it a bit more each time.) It is actually the direct experience. So obvious right now....anyway, moving on...

Nothing behind the sensations that is a stuck self.

The mental image of the body knows nothing of being stuck or anything else for that matter. Just sensations and then thoughts arise but not related to the raw sensations that are just sensations.

The sensations are not the stuck self and there is nothing behind the sensations. Again, thoughts arise and subside.

With eyes closed, stuck self is not findable.

Starting to get it. Throughout the day, the thoughts are noticed and just seem to be subtitles overlaying reality but they are not reality. Also starting to see that the awareness can be focused on the thoughts and then moved to listening and seeing, Thoughts are losing their "specialness", if that makes sense.

The old hangups like feeling rejected, not loved are more challenging right now. Strong bodily sensations and rapid thoughts arise. Realize that there is no stuck self behind it all and that there are just sensations and thoughts, but feels more solid and in the body.

Enjoyed that. Easier to see the lack of self with the above exercise.

With love,

Steven

Good morning, Steven!

So beautiful to read & follow along. Nice that there was ease in that exercise.

The old hangups like feeling rejected, not loved are more challenging right now. Strong bodily sensations and rapid thoughts arise.

Next...

Take one of those, either "feeling rejected" or "feeling not loved" and use the same instructions.

See what is direct experience as with "feeling stuck."

Do only one of them in any one day, at a leisurely pace. No hurry.

Much love,

Did the exercise with "she is going to reject me". A bit more interesting as the bodily sensations were stronger but still easy to see the overlay of thoughts/concepts which are not direct experience. Will try another tomorrow.

Steven

Do you recommend posting everyday at this point? Not quite sure when to post if there is not much to report.

Yes.

You gave a full report on doing the exercise on "I feel stuck," but not a full report on "feeling rejected" or "feeling unloved."

Wasn't giving additional instructions until you had reported back on those.

Much love,

Hi Steven,

still easy to see the overlay of thoughts/concepts which are not direct experience.

I'm writing again, to confirm that the point of all this is exactly that: to see the difference between thought and the content of thought.

Noticing that a thought came up is Actual Experience. But the content of that thought is never Actual Experience. It's a story, completely fabricated and made up. A Santa Claus or a university.

Do you feel clear on this point? If you do, please describe that using one of your 2 thoughts that we've been discussing & the same exercise you did with "stuck."

As long as you are believing thoughts like "feeling stuck," "being rejected," "being unloved," etc. that's going to hold you back from moving smoothly into other aspects of seeing.

Much love,

Stacy-

I practiced the exercise with the thought "I am feeling rejected" but right now the thought is "I am feeling resistance". Feels like thoughts are in overdrive, trying to compensate for the realization that there is no direct experience to the content of thoughts. Hopefully, it is ok to work with the thought "I am feeling resistance" now because that is the current content of thought and it is similar to "I feel stuck". There is a belief that this is true right now, so there is still work to do.

The words "I am feeling resistance", when imagining the words, are just letters. How could they possibly know anything! There is nothing in the words that is feeling resistance because they are just words. Words can certainly not feel any resistance.

There is a vague sensation in the body which is just a primitive sensation without any knowledge of feeling resistance. The sensations cannot be interpreted as being the resistance itself, as they are just sensations.

When looking for something behind the sensations, there was the "feeling" that there is someone that "is stuck" or "resisting".
When looking closer, it is more sensation and then the thought that the sensation is a sign of resistance because the muscles are contracted and the face is a bit tense.

So, looking at the thought "that is the resisting self", these are just words and letters which cannot possibly know anything. The words are not the resisting self as they are just words.

Back to the sensations, they do not know anything about what is the resisting self and are not the resisting self as they are just sensations. They could be a sign of resistance (ie muscle contraction) but that is just another thought, the sensations themselves are just sensations. Nothing behind the sensations now, just thoughts arising and fading away.

The mental image of the body knows nothing about feeling resistance. It is just an image and is also not that which is feeling resistance...wait, this seems to be important. Very convincing thought that the body is indeed feeling resistance. "The body is feeling resistance" is just another thought. "This is a convincing thought" is another thought/belief."How do I know when to trust thoughts?" arises. "Who is the 'I' that would know"? That arises. Thoughts come and go.

Back to the body. It is not that which feels resistance. Just colors when looking at it, movement on the keyboard, unrelated to resistance.

Probably should stop. Fatigue. Strong sense that there is someone who is tired in this body, despite all the work just now. That is just another thought but will work on that one tomorrow."There is someone who is tired in this body".

Goodnight time for me.

Love,

Steven

Good morning!

I hope you rested well. Good work on the thought of something labeled resistance arising vs the content of that thought.

You're right it doesn't matter which thought you use. Any thought that is rising is perfectly good.

You're something else I want you to take a look at.

You said

sign of resistance (ie muscle contraction)

There's another way of looking at these muscle contractions you're calling resistance.

Can you remember a time you lied to someone you loved?

We've all done it. It could be as simple as saying you're fine in answer to "how are you" up to what the mind would consider bigger lies.

When you have one, scan your torso and see if you find any sensation. Possibly a sensation that is in the same family of feelings that you were labeling resistance. Yes, a muscle contraction. Normally in the solar plexus or near the heart.

Do you find such a feeling? Related to lying to someone you love?

Do this with a few lies if you can find them.

Report back, please.

This should be a little simple and maybe a little easier than the one we're working on. Give you a little bit of a break and help you with how to interpret that contraction that seems to be holding you up a bit.

Love,

Stacy,

I have been trying this off and on all day but I cannot reproduce this sensation. Is there another thought that I could work with?

Steven

Hi!

Well, that's unexpected, but let's check the instructions.

The instructions were to think of a time you lied.

Can you think of one?

The instructions were not to try to reproduce the sensation, although, yes, it was expected you might find that. I did give more information in advance than I normally do. Normally I stop at finding a lie and check in. So, let's do that, ok?

Do you have a time you lied that you can use?

Thanks!

Stacy,

To clarify, the fatigue yesterday was not from the exercise, which was interesting and enjoyable. It was from a long work day. Not sure if that affected your post, but I do not feel like I need a break.

I cannot think of a recent lie. Awhile ago, I decided to just not say anything or ask the person a question to deflect rather than lie. Sorry! Of course, I have lied in the past but I cannot immediately think of one.

However, I do feel the contraction now with the thought about a close female friend “she will abandon me”. This is based on old family history with poor attachment although I was not actually abandoned and my parents are still alive. The thought is recurring and can be quite a distraction. I hope you don’t mind if I use it. I can try to think of a lie next time, if you think that will be helpful.

So, with the thought “she will abandon me”:

This thought is just a series of letters. Just like before, the words cannot possibly know anything. Thought/words cannot know anything. They have no reality themselves. How can they? They come and go.

Sensations in the face and body associated with this thought feel the same as the sensations with “I feel stuck” and “I am going to be rejected” or even just fatigue from working too hard, like last night. It knows nothing about “she will abandon me” and is not the abandonment. Anything behind it? Just thoughts and other sensations, nothing behind it.

The image of the body is just an image, and is just like with the other thoughts. The image is an image right now based on memory/thoughts of the body. It has nothing to do with “she will abandon me” especially since it seems to be a similar image to the image that came up with the other thoughts.

“She will abandon me” cannot be found other than as a thought which is just something that the brain produced, in a way. Letters that cannot know anything.

Speaking of lies, the content of all thoughts is a lie! In fact, initially, I said that I don’t lie. That is a lie. Every time there is a thought, it is somewhat of a lie. Not intentional deceit, but a lie nevertheless. Why do I hold thoughts in such high esteem?

With love,

Steven

Hi Steven,

That does cut to the chase. Yes, all thoughts are lies.

Very good work at LOOKING and seeing the difference between thought and content of thought. Very good job of actual SEEING is happening here.

So, here is a new exercise:

Close your eyes (or leave them open) and bring the thought of “whatever the thought is - take your pick," and notice the sensation and images that seemingly go hand in hand with that thought.

Now replace the thought “whatever the thought is” with “blahblahblah”. Look at experience, with thought only saying “blahbahblah.” Is there a “whatever the thought is” without thought saying so?

If yes, that thought is referring to actual experience (AE). That’s a “bare bones” thought, with all additional story layers stripped.

If no, then you know that the thought has added “virtual layers.” It’s fantasy, and it isn’t confirmed as actual experience (AE), because what it was saying didn’t remain when the thought was replaced with “blahblahblah.”

You can do that exercise with any thought that appears to see what if a thought is a ‘bare bone’ thought or is a thought that has added ‘virtual layers’ to AE.

Test it out and let me know what you noticed.

Much love,