The Gate

Hi, Peter,

I cannot find it. If I ask myself the question, "where, or what is I? or who am i?". I'm left with awareness.

How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it?

in the bad sit, I definitely realized I have no control over my thoughts.

Ok, good. Peter, look deeply into the one that has no control of thoughts.

What appears to be occurring is a lot of spontaneous thoughts, actions, and happenings.

Good 'looking.'

Sending love,
Robyn

How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it?

I would describe to that person, that the ego is really an illusion, a concept of the mind, the contents of a thought. The ego itself is not something that can be found nor directly experience using our sensory faculties. At he surface, it appears real and feels personal, but when you look deeply, it is a phantom. It cannot be seen or heard. I would also have them go through the exercise of seeing if they can control thoughts. And if so, to see if they can find the controller of thought.

Ok, good. Peter, look deeply into the one that has no control of thoughts.

The one does not exist. There is only awareness of thought or no thought.

Hi, Peter,

Nicely done.

I would describe to that person, that the ego is really an illusion, a concept of the mind, the contents of a thought.

For my clarification, in direct experience, what and where is 'the mind?' Also, at LU we use the terms 'I,' 'me' and 'self' rather than ego; are you using the term 'ego' to be synonymous with that? Some people use the term ego to be a part of 'I,' not the whole enchilada. ;-)

There is only awareness of thought or no thought.

Again for my clarification, is awareness separate from thought? ('Awareness of' implies that there's may be choice or something separate from thought.)

Sending love,

Robyn

For my clarification, in direct experience, what and where is 'the mind?' Also, at LU we use the terms 'I,' 'me' and 'self' rather than ego; are you using the term 'ego' to be synonymous with that? Some people use the term ego to be a part of 'I,' not the whole enchilada. ;-)

Thee mind is just a thought :D. Yes, ego is synonymous to "I", self, etc...

Again for my clarification, is awareness separate from thought? ('Awareness of' implies that there's may be choice or something separate from thought.)

I wouldn't say it's separate, it just is. There's some knowing when a thought arises and fades away.

Sending love,

Love you too! <3

Hi, Peter,

Great!

Ready for the final questions?
Here they are:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
 
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.  What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Sending love (and thank you for yours), <3

Robyn

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Never ever.

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Illusion of separate self is the belief in thought "I". Getting trapped in the contents of the narrating mind. Now it is seen as thought.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
No longer the need to believe in the "I" thought or get wrapped in the stories created by "I".

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Your patience, persist-ency, prodding, and understanding.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision, intention, free-will, choice, and control all fall under the false believe that there is an "I" that controls. Things just happen. Spontaneity of life. There is no "I" responsible for any of it at all.

Hi, Peter,

I'm a little slammed right now but can get back to you late tonight.

Your answers are good -- I would like a little more elaboration on a couple and I'll explain when I write again.

Love,

Robyn

Hi, Peter,

I appreciate your patience and persistence with this!

2. when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

This part is intended to prompt a description of how 'you' came to believe the thought 'I' is really 'I.'
I.e. when did it start in 'your' life and how did the belief become so embedded?

No longer the need to believe in the "I" thought or get wrapped in the stories created by "I".

This is great, Peter. So glad there's freedom from the stories! In this answer, can you add something about how not getting wrapped up in the stories has affected your daily life, if at all?

Your patience, persist-ency, prodding, and understanding.

Thank you for this acknowledgement. :D Was there a turning point where it came together, where you were able to see?

Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Your answer here is clear and concise. Can you add examples of, perhaps, the effect that seeing through these has had an impact in the past few days?

Peter, you've worked so hard and it must seem like I make it my job to give you more work; I apologize if it does seem this way and here I am, asking for more again.

Sending love!

Robyn

This part is intended to prompt a description of how 'you' came to believe the thought 'I' is really 'I.'
I.e. when did it start in 'your' life and how did the belief become so embedded?

To be honest, I don't really know or quite remember how it arose. But I do recall my parent's teaching me as a child... "I am Peter". Or other adults would playfully ask me who are you, and I would announce myself as "I am Peter".

This is great, Peter. So glad there's freedom from the stories! In this answer, can you add something about how not getting wrapped up in the stories has affected your daily life, if at all?

Anything I experience, whether negative or positive, I know it is just a thought. The arising and passing of a thought or thoughts. I see the content/story as thoughts. The power or belief that the content or story of the thought has diminished with this new understanding. Thought commentary on experience rises on its own and subsides as its own. They are much less sticky. Less being stuck or clinging to the content and taking it as real. As real as a story experience may seem at the moment, it is quickly seen through and passes on. There's less resistance, less persistency. Impermanence ;)

Thank you for this acknowledgement. :D Was there a turning point where it came together, where you were able to see?

I suppose in the 30 min sit exercise and during a bit of walking meditation. I observed that there was no controller of thought as well as action. Neither could I fully stop negative thoughts, nor could could consistently create happy thoughts. They came and went as they pleased regardless of my attempt to control or dictate it.

Your answer here is clear and concise. Can you add examples of, perhaps, the effect that seeing through these has had an impact in the past few days?

For example, about an hour ago, I was meditating for 1 hr 15 m. At some point I began to see the thoughts. "I'm bored" and the emotion of impatience arose. However, I also saw that this was the thought form associated with the experience. Life creates this rich personal experience, so these thoughts arose as a result of a long idle sit. Which is expected of most idle situations. However, I saw that "I'm bored" was just a story of the experience and impatience was the emotion or by product of this long sitting experience. I acknowledged it and continued my sit and it went away on its own.

Peter, you've worked so hard and it must seem like I make it my job to give you more work; I apologize if it does seem this way and here I am, asking for more again.

It's okay, I'm grateful of your teaching and wisdom. This exercise has been beneficial to my spiritual path and I do not see it as work. I see it as play, learning, and experience. New understanding.

Hi, Peter,

It's okay, I'm grateful of your teaching and wisdom. This exercise has been beneficial to my spiritual path and I do not see it as work. I see it as play, learning, and experience. New understanding.

Glad it's that way, Peter. It's a pleasure and certainly a two-way street.

Life creates this rich personal experience, so these thoughts arose as a result of a long idle sit

How does life create this rich personal experience, when life IS this rich personal experience - Is there a separation? What is it that is sitting? In direct experience, is there "as a result?"

Sending love,

Robyn

How does life create this rich personal experience, when life IS this rich personal experience - Is there a separation? What is it that is sitting? In direct experience, is there "as a result?"

You're correct, life IS this rich experience. There's no separation, just pure experience. There's no "as a result", but there's cause and effect. Some experiences that arise can be traced back to certain causes and conditions. Nonetheless, it's no other than the continuous ebb and flow of life that's always happening now.

Hi, Peter,

Thanks for your answer. Sorry I was a bit slow today.

There's no "as a result", but there's cause and effect.

How does "cause and effect" relate to direct experience?

Nonetheless, it's no other than the continuous ebb and flow of life that's always happening now.

Yeah! How can there then be "cause and effect?"

Sending love,

Robyn

How does "cause and effect" relate to direct experience?

A series of see, hear, taste, touch, smell, thought, feeling all seamlessly interwoven together to create this rich experience called life. Being conscious of the flow of each of these faculties and seeing one moment lead to the next. Frame after frame.

e.g. turning the key unlocks the door, seeing a scary movie feeling scared, seeing a puzzle and confusion and curiosity arises, pressing the accelerator and the car moves forward, turning on the faucet and water comes out, heating water and water boils, then evaporates

When eating an apple, there is the seeing of an apple, touching the apple, bringing the apple to the mouth, biting into it, tasting the sweetness, feeling the texture crispy and crunchiness, smelling the scent. Then comes thoughts of whether the experience is pleasant or unpleasant, and past emotions and memories arise. A chain of experiences that arise from seeing the apple leading to the thoughts and feelings of eating it. Cause and effect.

Hi, Peter,

A series of see, hear, taste, touch, smell, thought, feeling all seamlessly interwoven together to create this rich experience called life. Being conscious of the flow of each of these faculties and seeing one moment lead to the next. Frame after frame.

Hi, Peter, I'd like you to do two exercises.

The first is the hand-raising exercise -- with several questions to follow:
1. Place both hands on a table in front of you, palms down.
2. When you have done that, rest for a moment and then raise one hand in the air but not the other.

Don't go to thoughts, examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?
What is it that is controlling the hand?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
Can anything be found that makes the hand move?
How is the decision made?

The second is the time exercise. There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time, or an event that is moving forward on a linear line, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

But is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along the line of time?
Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?
Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?
Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?
How long does the ‘now’ last?
Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?
When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?
What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?
So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or thoughts about ‘time’?


Sending love,
Robyn

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
To be honest, I don't know. There seems to be some subtle intention then the action. I do not know the source of this intention. It's not "me" nor "my" intention. It just is. I don't recognize this intention as a thought, more of a spontaneous happening.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?
No.

What is it that is controlling the hand?
I don't know.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
No.

Can anything be found that makes the hand move?
No, unless you count the intention.

How is the decision made?
I don't know. It's quite similar to the other question you asked me awhile back, "can I predict my next thought?" I can't, nor can I predict which hand will go up. Some intention happens followed by the movement of the hand.
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But is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along the line of time?
No, not against time. Time seems more like a construct overlaid on top of reality. So it can be measure in unit of moments passing by.

Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?
However, there seems to be a sequence of sense faculties I'm conscious of. Every key stroke I hit on the keyboard leads to each moment a letter appears on the screen. Yet every moment is now, now, now, now, now.

Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?
Yes, as mentioned above. Every key stroke on the keyboard results in seeing each letter displayed on the screen. At least it appears that way.

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?
It doesn't ever move. Nor would I know how to measure it. It's always now. But yet every action or experience seems to occur moment to moment in each now.

now + now + now + now + now = now? lol

So there's ever only now. Flickering into existence, Flickering out of existence, on and on.

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?
No I cannot find when each moment began unless I setup the construct and define it in advance. Setting markers of when something starts and when something ends. Then it becomes relative.

How long does the ‘now’ last?
Eternity, it is always now.

Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?
There's no beginning or end, it's always now.

When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?
It never is, it's always now.

What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?
Just a memory.

So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or thoughts about ‘time’?
In direct experience, there's no experience of "time". But there's a relative experience to time. There still seems to be cause and effect though. E.g A must occur for B to happen. Event A must occur for Event B to exist. If I don't type anything on the keyboard, this response would be blank.

My answers have a whole bunch of paradoxes and contradictions above. :)