Kay,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, there's never been a separate self. As far as an idea of 'self', 'me', or 'I' as a separate entity is concerned, these things only exist as thoughts. It can't be any other way. Outside of direct sensory experience there is only thoughts.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
While I can't recall the exact point of inception regarding the illusion, it most likely was when I understood what my name was. The idea that I was 'Todd' provided the initial structure to the idea of a separate self. Words such as 'you' and 'me' were then introduced, further reinforcing the idea of a separate self. Later on the idea of titled property added to the idea of a separate self because a name is on a piece of paper stating that the person whose name is on the title owns the property.
3) How does it feel to see this?
It feels really good, sort of like walking out of a prison that had no locks or guards. Emotions and ideas that arise are much more transitory than before. There's less investment in the idea of 'this is the way things are'.
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
The difference is that I've stopped supporting the idea that I exist as a separate entity. I also understand more of what a thought is versus direct sensory experience.
Please report from the past few days.
Things are good. Nothing out of the ordinary to report.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It seems that we were 'lied' to from the start, especially in regards to the whole naming mechanism. I always thought it was strange to have a name. Even as a kid I was thinking that I'm not a 'Todd', what the heck is a 'Todd'? At some level I was going along for the ride but at another level I knew that there was a bogus aspect to the way folks thought about themselves relative to others. What pushed me over was not wanting to invest any more energy in supporting a false framework.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
All of these things are ideas that are thought of as manifestations of the self. We label decisions, intentions, free will, choice, and control as something that an 'I' does or has. Since there is no 'I', all the trappings of 'I' don't exist outside of thoughts that they exist.
b) What makes things happen?
Things just happen. We might attribute ideas of decision, intention, free will, choice and control as the reason things happen, however, this idea that there is some sort of decision making process is just a thought.
How does it work?
This is unknown. I'm thinking the answer to this question is the answer to many things.
c) What are you responsible for?
I'm not responsible for anything. This isn't meant in a callous way, it's just that we can't truly be responsible for things we don't have control over and that includes everything since the idea of control is just an idea. However, if I had a small child to feed, a plant to water, a pet to attend to, a job to work, I'm still going to do these things. I'm not going to throw my hands up in the air and say, 'screw everything, I'm not responsible.' Yet in the same vein, I know that I'm doing these things that are considered responsibilities not out of free will, I'm just doing them and labeling them as responsibilities that I'm attending to.
d) Give examples from experience.
I can't give examples of decision, intention, free will, choice, control, or responsibilities at this point. They don't exist.
6) Anything to add?
Thank you very very much! I was born in NSW Australia in the early 70's. My parents were US citizens teaching there for three years and moved back to the US when I was 8 months old. I've never been back and found it interesting that someone from Australia helped me with this seeing!
Love,
Todd
