Hi Kay,
Here goes :)
Okay, so since everything seems clear, here are the final questions. Please answer them with some detail and provide examples where asked.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, there isn't a 'serarate self' anywhere. Never has been, never will.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of a separate self is a collection of thoughts that point to Actual Experience and create a story of a 'Me'. Example, In AE there is an experiencing that 'thought' lables colour, sound, sensation, etc, then further lables the sound, colour, sensation as a body, a 'Me' a 'Mark' who is walking (sensation) around work (colour), hearing (sound) people talking, working etc, none of this is happening, it is just thought modulating the "hear & now' into a story of a separate 'Mark'. It starts when a story of a 'Mark' is created from a young age probably by parents and older siblings, a conditioning, Example, well done Mark, good boy Mark, No that's wrong, that's bad etc all imprinting on a young boy he is separate and he exists as a seperate person who makes his own decisions and fate by his thinking and actions.
It has been seen here that this 'separate self' is a grand illusion, held together by misguided thought, thought pointing to AE and labeling it and creating stories around it.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
There has been a sense of a 'freer' 'Me' if that makes sense. Like the old 'Mark' has fallen away. There has been a 'noticing' in work the last few days that 'people' seem different, a hidden 'knowing' they are on automatic, there is no one in them bodies making them move, like they can't be taking seriously anymore, or this supposedely body of mine. Thought is saying "we have to get this done in work today' blah blah but there is a deeper understanding 'I' am not thinking these thoughts anymore, there is no "me', only as a thought, there is just a watching of them. Also there was allot of fear and anxiety (more lables) in and around speaking in work, this has fallen away, or the feeling is no longer believed as being 'mine', it's just a feeling that is observed, no big deal.
Before this was started there was a identification with the 'body' and all it's thoughts and feelings as being 'mine' and 'I' am creating all this, all this anxiety and fear is coming from 'Me' and my wrong thinking, blah blah now allot of the time it's just observed as a detatched unfolding of what is going on, like a toing and froing between a 'Me' and a 'No Me'
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
living with Anxiety & Fear all the time and finding LU on youtube. A questioning of is it true ? Is this 'Me' really an illusion ? A desire to 'see' if this "me' is an illusion then so must the Anxiety & Fear be.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
Decision, a 'decider' who controls this body and makes it move to get up out of bed, to drive to work, to function throughout the day was always thought to be controlled by a "Me', like 'I' was doing everything. What has been seen here is that there is and never was a 'Me' deciding anything, it is all thoughts pointing to Actual Experience and creating a story, "i did that' 'that was the right thing to do' etc but upon looking to find this "me' nothing was there but thought.
Also with 'Intention', another story of a "Mark' intending to do this or that, just more thoughts, Example of this, I intend to do my best when welding this pipe in work is a story of a Mark trying his best, having an intention, but life is going on anyway, the pipe will be welded and Mark never done any of it, it's just what is going on in the 'here & now' with no controller intending any of it.
Free will is another thought pointing to a separate Mark who believes he is making choices and decisions based on a 'him' doing it. Where can a 'Mark' be found to have 'Free will' to choose anything ? He isn't there, only in a thought/story about a 'Mark'
Choice & control is not happening anywhere, by anyone. Choice implies a 'chooser', a separate part of the whole, the unfolding of the now is happening by itself, the notion of 'choice' is a thought pointing to a separate self who made a choice to do this or that. there is no one or no thing to choose or control anything. Life is 'lifing' by itself. The whole illusion of a chooser and controller is a construction of thought, nothing else.
b) What makes things happen? How does it work?
Nothing makes things happen !! They arise and fall spontaneously with no one or no thing doing any of it. A 'maker' of things happening implies a separate 'doer' of things, when nothing is serarate from the whole. It works by being what it is, the unfolding of the 'Now'
c) What are you responsible for?
No 'Me' to be responsible for anything, how can a 'active process' be accountable when no one or thing is driving the behaviour ? It would be like a river being responsible for the path it takes. there is no one driving the river, it just flows, same here, this body just acts, with no actor here doing any of it
d) Give examples from experience.
The body (Mark) went to work yesterday, worked all day, drove home an cut another driver up coming off the mororway. Where is the 'I' that made the decision to cut across the guy and force him to brake ? This was going to happen no matter what. No 'Mark' (who is just a story) responsible for anything
6) Anything to add?
A Big Heartfelt Thank-you to Kay for clear & concise pointing over and over again.
Love Mark
